Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language and violence.
** This is a draft for a single-scene play; any feedback would be excellent. Some questions if ya want :) : How "spooky" 1-10? Should more context be added? Does dialogue work and flow "naturally" (natural might be different in this context)? Should it be longer or shorter? **
FINAL GIRL
Two chairs are on the scene, one occupied by Stacy, who is staring warily at James. James is passed out in the other chair, his hands tied behind his back, legs tied to the chair and mouth covered in tape. Both are dressed messily with ruffled hair, wrinkled clothes and injuries. Stacy has a knife in her hand and is acting erratically.
STACY Well, look who finally decided to wake up! I was simply DYING from anticipation.
James squirms, and Stacy gets up, moving around the space as she speaks to James.
STACY Ohh, you’re probably wondering about the ropes and the tape, huh? Well, don’t worry, they aren’t going anywhere. But that’s not why we’re here, you know that, right? You know what you did. I can’t believe you thought you’d get away with this! Like, seriously, you thought I wouldn’t realize that it was you the whole time? First, Jessica dies? Fine, that could’ve been anyone, maybe even an accident. Kevin was an unfortunate coincidence, but Sally- We were all in the house that day, we couldn't have not noticed. Bu- but you were smart, you made it look like it was someone else. I don’t know how, but somehow you made sure that someone would cover for you. You covered your tracks so well, like an expert. Then you stru-
She chokes on her words.
STACY You struck again… FUCK, how could you? HOW COULD YOU? SHE WAS EVERYTHING TO ME! YOU KNEW THAT…YOU…You-
She takes a few deep breaths and presses forward.
STACY Then everyone else…But that's not really the point. I'm sure you’re wondering how we got here. I’ll bet the question is just KILLING you!
Well, it's really simple. When I… saw her bo- when I found her I saw it the BROWN* strand of hair, an- and YOU were the last one to see her… After her, the others too, it all makes sense, the last person to call Rich was YOU. The boot prints- They matched YOUR shoes. You even almost got me, but I’m quicker~. Of course, I said all this to the cops, but they didn't believe me. Something about “there's no evidence” or- or “you probably just didn’t know what you saw, sometimes in hard moments people make things up to cope or think they see things that didn't really happen.” BUT I KNOW WHAT I SAW! And it all leads back to you. Since they won’t do anything about it, I figured i should just take things into my own hands! Stop you from hurting anyone else… Any last words? Not that you really deserve it.
Stacy removes the tape from James’ mouth.
JAMES, ARE YOU SERIOUS, STACY? They were my friends too! I lost people, too. I WAS AT THE FUCKING MOVIES WHEN KEVIN DIED. YOU WERE THERE TOO. YOU’RE CRAZ-
James eyes Stacy's knife.
JAMES Please, Stace, please let me go. Only the two of us are left. I promise it wasn’t me. You need to believe me. I didn’t even see Tali-
STACY YOU DON’T GET TO SAY HER NAME!
Stacy lunges at James, plunging her knife into his chest. She stabs him multiple times before keeling over and sobbing.
STACY Wait… No… I couldn't have been wrong, could I? The movies… I remember it. I was there. Me, Talia and… And James… He was there. How could I forget? Fuck, I’m so sorry, James.
Stacy hugs James
STACY I- I need to go. I need to find who really did this… then it’s over for me.
Stacy leaves.
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137,932 Literary Works • 672,071 Reviews
ooo, a script!!
]. is it a basement? a cabin? an abandoned else? you could try to set the tone visually before she speaks to add more of a claustrophobic feeling.
i love mystery!! this is so suspenseful, and i found myself wondering if what everything seemed was really the truth. i think because this is so based in accusation, that opens up a lot of room for interpretation. the setup is tight and immediate, and something felt off from the start, but no one can really know who stacy is and why she specifically chose james to target. that is such a perfect feeling to induce from something like this!! it allows people to focus less on the gritty details and care for the bigger picture.
i see that you asked some questions, so here's some feedback on that :
backstory we get just enough backstory through stacy’s rant to piece together what happened, but i think you could add a few subtle cues at the start. the location is a mystery to me [fitting
also, why does she escalate from "i’ll tell the cops" to "i’ll handle it myself" so suddenly? there has to be some failure or personal grievance there that could expand her character arc better.
dialogue the dialogue mostly flows naturally for this kind of heightened context. it doesn't sound normal because she isn't sane or calm, but that feels purposeful in the context of what's happening. she is a bit exaggerated at times like a caricature of what a "crazy" person would be like though. if you wanted to make the conversation flow even more dynamically, you could let james interrupt her once or twice more instead of allowing her those rambling monologues. that girl sure talks a lot!!
length i’d say it’s just right for what it is. you’ve written a strong, self-contained short scene that feels complete, which is hard!! as a single scene, this pacing works well. as a longer play or story, you'd want to add more scenes and changes.
spookiness i try to avoid rating things with numbers, but this is very good!! it isn't jump scare or gore horror, but that adds more volume to the actual scariness within the scene. the real scary part, to me, is the breakdown of trust between two people and the realization that humans are capable of doing terrible things to each other. that will never be comparatively as scary as something with murderous psychos or ghosts, but it is scary on its own level. that stuff is sooo typical anyway, so this is refreshing!!
i do have some other comments :
this happens a lot where you capitalize certain phrases to add emphasis, but in terms of scripts, it makes it look cluttered. instead of using all caps, you could italicize these words to show how she is adding stress to that specific word. or, alternatively, you could add clues in the story instead of explicitly stating that she said it in that tone. it's stressful, so of course she did!!
what a rather abrupt ending!! does no one care to look for james? it's pretty serious business to get caught up in someone's murder, so i am really interested in seeing what happened to stacy after. she is clearly an inversion of the final girl trope, but that's all that is known about her. james, too, doesn't feel like much of a character past his inevitable death either. poor guy!!
i'd love to see what happens when stacy goes looking for "who really did this"
-- mour
Thanks so much! This feedback is really helpful and constructive!
I love horror so I am very excited to review this!
I think the dialouge was really good, the yelling after choking on her words when stacy is taking about her friend she really cares about flowed really well and I think gives a lot of direction for the actor.
I don't think more context is needed, the story reveals itself in an effective way for a one scene play.
The ending is really perfect for this kind of thing I think, the dread the audience feels matches the tone and the genre.
I think what would make it better is if you added some descriptions of what James is doing while listening to Stacy, and maybe some more added to the setting just to really emphasise the story behind it all.
The spookiness I would say is a 7.7/10 classic slasher kinda stuff very nice to see.
Awsome! Thanks so much, this is really helpful!