To be read in the rhythm of the song "Kookaburra"
~
The Shadow-Raven perched,
in a gnarled oak tree,
unrelenting ruler
of the darkness he.
Laugh, Shadow-Raven, Laugh, Shadow-Raven.
Pray, have mercy on me.
~
Vagabond, wand'ring
near the swamp does see,
the Shadow-Raven watching
from his gnarled oak tree,
Cry, little human, Cry, little human
Consumed by the bog was he.
~
Come little children,
Abandon thy fear.
Your a weeping and your moaning
can't help you here.
Feast, Shadow-Raven, Feast, Shadow-Raven
Pray, have mercy on me.
~
I've done they bidding,
so that you may feed,
and knelt and worshipped
by your gnarled oak tree.
Please, Shadow-Raven, Please, Shadow-Raven
You promised I could leave.
~
Shadow-Raven perched,
in the gnarled oak tree,
Soul consuming demon
of the swamp is he.
Die, Shadow-Raven, Die, Shadow-Raven,
Sate your thirst with me.
~
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139,618 Literary Works • 672,630 Reviews
Okay so this is so creepy! Which is obviously why I love it! My favorite part in this piece was "come little children, abandon they fear". It was very powerful and a well spoken verse. It seems to flow really well and I don't really have any complaints. I would like to see into an actual song one day, that would be amazing. Keep writing!
Okay, despite being creepy, that was a pretty good song... One thing I noticed was that the number of syllables in some lines don't always seem to fit, like "the forest claim your bodies, your souls, to me." When saying it, I have to squeeze some of the syllables together where normally there wouldn't be that many. That's about it as far as the flow goes. Nice job!
Well that was creepy. What made it especially creepy was the tune you used.
I don't even know what to say which would reach the word count for a review.
There's really nothing wrong with, at all. You should record it and play it at the front of your house on Halloween.
The demon-raven-thing dies in the end, right? It's consumed by a forest fire? Or was the forest logged or something?
The last verse is actually the Shadowraven speaking
ravens got a big stomach o.o