This place feels like a church
so I must be a whore
‘cause, honey, I’m sweating.
I’ve lost the key to my ribcage
that so many of you open
to free the bird beating against the bars.
Show tourists all of the secrets.
“To my left is the heart that keeps me living.
To both sides, the lung cousins taking in my environment
even if it hurts.
The kidney twins sort through the toxins
I refuse to stop bringing.
My stomach gurgling for cravings.
My appendix…
I’m still not quite sure what that does
except that it’s a ticking time bomb.”
Whose feet did you anoint with your tears
and dry with your hair
to make giving glimpses into your world
so easy?
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,029 Literary Works • 672,781 Reviews
Hello Tuesday here for a (
I enjoyed this part of the poem because it has a rhyming scheme also how it uses the body parts as for depression or something.short) review.This poem could relate to many people (including me). I enjoyed the thought of the narrator is nervous about how the poetry slam went down.
this little part confused me a little. Mostly the wording of it also if I could suggest one thing. Put a comma after world to make it seem more connected with the ending of what you wrote.
Hopefully this review made sense or something.
never reviewed a mods work so I am a little nervous
Farewell,
Tuesday
Thanks for the review (you did great
reviewing a mod's work is like reviewing anyone else's)!
I really like this, especially 'i've lost the key to my ribcage' I think that's just an amazing line. I also like the way you've linked the body parts, like 'the lung cousins' and 'the kidney twins' it brings that whole middle stanza together. I don't know what the appendix does either, but i like the imagery of a ticking time bomb
Finally, just one little nitpick, I would have said "show tourists all of my secrets." rather than "show tourists all of the secrets." as I feel it would make the stanza a little more personal.
Really good work, keep it up!
Meg, my dear, I have to be honest.
I don't really know what to make of this.
At first I thought it might be humor or drama, but it's not listed in any genre at all so I don't really know....although it seems to be versatile so maybe it can fit into a lot of genres? I don't know.
The title kind of leads me to believe that the narrative is talking about how a person feels after getting slammed for a poem (I know, I am so original) but I have been wrong before.
As for the actual content, I think it's brilliant. I loved the line about the appendix.
It's almost like the narrator is baring her soul to the reader.
That's the vibe that I get anyway.
Aside from being somewhat confusing, this is really good.
Keep it up!
~Teen~
A poetry slam is a contest where people read their poetry if that's where your confusion lies
Oooh. Now it makes more sense. I don't know all these fanciful terms.
Hi sorry I can't review right now. I saw you have the green name-tag so I thought maybe I could ask this... In reviews, I see everyone does this quote thing from the writing into the review in a gray box. How do you do that? Thanks!
I'd be glad to help. Try this [code][quote][/quote]
For other questions about coding try this link
Oh dear. XP I messed up.
[quote][/quote]That's better