The Real Me

My life's a hidden secret,
My thoughts throughly protected,
My personality a puzzle,
My worries intertwined and connected.

No one knows or cares,
No one knows what I can be,
No one seems to understand,
No one, not even me. I like this bit but it seems really repetitive. Instead of No one you could add something else.

I want to show you,
Everything I can feel,
I want to show you the hidden me,
The fake personalities you think are real.The last line here is kind of confusing, did you mean Not the fake personalities that you think are real

I am just a girl,
Who barely fits in,
I am just a girl,
Who never seems to win.I like this line.

I can be brave,
Sometimes smart,
I can be charming,
And seel away my heart. Do you mean seal?

But this no one will ever know,
No one will get my heart's key,
I shall never let anyone in,
Because no one knows the real me

I very much so liked this!!
Now for the hard part... There were a few areas that brought this down a few points to me. While reading it you start to get a rythme to it, and there are a few places where it changes, this made it a tad awkward to read in a few areas. But despite that, I still loved it!

i think this was beautiful, and i felt like i can relate to it, i liked the line "no-one will get my hearts key" i think mostly the reason i liked it was how unusual it was most people just go with the classic "key to my heart" but i really love how you made it your own.

great job ! keep it up and welcome!

Hey there Meg, welcome to yws!

If you glance around through the poetry section you'll realise that this subject is a little overwritten as it is. Given that, it makes it very hard to write a poem like this without having many cliche's or stereotypical influences.

On the other hand it seems like a fair bit of work went into this, which makes it much better to read.

'My thoughts throughly protected,' - I assume that should be 'thoroughly.' YWS has a spellchecker when you post something to submit, so checking that out before you post will help avoid little mistakes like these. Of course, words with 'ough' in them are like scapegoats in english, in that they never have the same sound, so these in particular can be hard to get the hang of.

As far as rhythm goes this is good, but not perfect. There's a few parts in which the rhymes are forced, and the general flow of the poem suffers for it. For example, 'No-one will get my heart's key,' is phrased awkwardly and in a different style to the rest of the poem, which makes it stick out as something phrased that way for rhymings sake.

I quite like the layout of this, and the repetition through different verses. I think there's potential in the poet. Good luck with future works.