Okay, I wrote this 'cause I, as a younger child, heard people whispering about my weight. Some of them were 'friends'. I realize now that most people don't care, yet I can't seem to move on. I've been teased before, and I can't forget their words. Every time I have a bad day, I don't move on, I keep thinking about it. So this is what's it's about... (also, my weight is currently nothing like it was...)
The lies and tears,
Should be forgotten,
Yet all my fears,
Keep my mind rotten.
Leave the past in the past,
No thoughts should stray there,
Yet I constantly think of the last,
Day I realized no one cares.
My weakness is that,
I care too much,
About the names, the fact I'm fat,
The way my heart throbs at the touch.
I want to forget every name,
Move on from yesterday,
Ignore the nawing shame,
Let lying dogs lay.
I can't ignore the thoughts,
From past and present,
Or ignore the lies and truths I've fought,
Sandness and anger is my lesson.
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141,328 Literary Works • 674,349 Reviews
Hey meggwriting!
I loved this(: Welcome to YWS! I only have one thing to point out here that struck me as odd.
The last line "let lying dogs lay" sounds odd with the rest of the poem. It might be because of what Abigail pointed out, that the phrase is "Let sleeping dogs lie" But other than that your poem is very good!
PM me if you have any questions!
-SodapopLunchbox
Hey hey hey! I enjoyed this! I like the formatting and the rhyming scheme. I could kinda feel the emotion put into this. It also had a very nice flow which made it nice and easy to read! So overall this was very good and I have nothing bad to say about it =)
Hiya Meggwriting, and, as I see you're new, welcome to the Young Writers' Society! I like this, though it could be a bit redundant. I think I'll just go through and edit some things in red.
Commas, commas, commas! They're everywhere! You don't need them! You see, any good poetry reader will pause at intervals, especially at the end of a line. I'm afraid you're being restricted by the desire to rhyme. Poetry doesn't always need to rhyme! This poem has so much potential, and if you loosen the rules of prose just a little, you'll find yourself succeeding in poetry.