Hello, here for a short review!
I haven't read the previous parts to this so feel free to ignore anything or add onto my review. I like the idea you have here as it seems to be about the different diary entries by Society, which seems to be like a middle school teenager dealing with all the problems of life. It seems to be a bit cliche in some parts within in this novel, peeking up during the middle and whatnot. The beginning seems a bit straight-forward as the reader didn't know it- like a warning almost. In most chapters I've read, the start of something should always make the reader grasp on to deal life and hopefully want to continue on reading. From a standpoint of a non-reader of this novel, I was generally confused because it seems this part takes place right (or maybe a week or so after- if these are diary entries, why don't you give them dates?).
As the reviewer stated below me, you seem to start off with today. As I said before, that could be any day of any week. You seem to get the ball rolling but it doesn't ever go up. It only continues rolling. What I mean by this is you never truly state what the big issue is. You only spark little hints here and there without fully explaining it. As a suggestion, think before you write or perhaps plan ahead. Create the problem while it is still fresh in your head. Also if you were in that situation the character was in, how might you react? It could come in handy when writing scenes dealing with fighting or something.
You seem to info dump a lot throughout this chapter. As a suggestion, I would suddenly give out the info at random points where it isn't need- save it for when it might be of importance. It is almost like you are adding too much veggies to the broth at one time. If you add the veggies one at a time, then you'll be able to have a yummy stew to eat later today. Basically, again, think before you write or plan ahead.
At first the boyfriend was believable, but it just god weird.
[... but it just got weird. ]
I wasn’t sure what her game was, but she was very wholesome. I think she was just having a little fun in the sense that she had an overactive imagination… Well I hope at least.
I'm a little confused by what you mean here. What is Sabine's main game and what does it have to do with Society? Also this little bit feels a little bland towards the main plot or idea, perhaps it is just another road the character will take. Hopefully as the novel continues, you'll add some drama into the mix.
Overall, I enjoyed this little bit of you novel. I'll be looking out for more of this as the days go on.
Steggy
Points: 25891
Reviews: 279
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