z

Young Writers Society


12+

Society's Mind: Why do they Lie?

by mcleo1


Well, if you’re on this third post, you might be thinking, “What is wrong with this girl? Why is this girl saying who these people are?” Well I’m not, the names I use are for their protection, but also to help you and I differentiate from each person. Trust me, it’s easier for the both of us that way, you can form your own opinions on these people and get to know who is who. Sort of like a book or novel or a sorts.

Also, I’ve realized that this may mutate into some sort of journal or diary. In all honesty I’m not trying to whine about all of my problems, but it may end up like that part of the time. Life is just like that I guess, we all have are bad days and we all just want to scream and do some unmentionable, illegal things to get the stress off.

Anyways, today has been quite the day. Not in the sense that anything big has happened, but more in the sense that I don’t know what to believe. You ever have a friend that seems to tell you something that seems like it can’t be the truth at all? We all have those friends, or at least had them. The ones who were over the top and said things that didn’t quite seem real.

I’ve had my fair share of them. There was this one girl, Sabine. She’s a few years older than me and was a friend of mine from elementary. She was in LRC with my sister and I, (LRC is basically another name for Special Ed). She was a bit… strange. I liked her, she was nice, but she said she had this boyfriend and obsessed over Justin Bieber. At first the boyfriend was believable, but it just god weird. She cut some guys picture out of the yearbook (I never saw it), and said that he was in her closet and whenever my sister or I went in there he magically disappeared.

I wasn’t sure what her game was, but she was very wholesome. I think she was just having a little fun in the sense that she had an overactive imagination… Well I hope at least. But while Sabine probably didn’t mean to lie and confuse me, there are others like Beth. Beth was well, she was also a strange child. (As I think about it, I tend to make friends with the weird children)

Beth was nice like Sabine, but she seemed to be more normal in a way. I mean she struggled in school… god how do I word this… Well she was less crazy basically. She didn’t imagine things. But she did say she had a “super-hot” boyfriend.

Wait a second, this reminds me of my teacher once. His name as Mr. Barnaby, he used to tell everyone that he was related to Justin Bieber. (Yeah I know, who would want to) I remember I partially believed him, he said he was his half-brother. But then he bought poster from the Bookfair that my mom was running and I saw him forge Justin Bieber’s signature with a silver sharpie. That was actually hilarious now that I think back on it.

But this isn’t what I’m trying to say. The worst, is probably this one guy. I’ve just met at the beginning of the school year, (I switched schools after 9th grade) and he’s just… It’s hard to explain.

Let me give a few examples, excuse me for any vulgar language if I let something slip. Jerry is…. Well Jerry says that he has a girlfriend, that’s normal, but then he also has some other girls that he has sex with. He this past Valentine’s Day said he spent about 1500 on these girls. He also said this girl on the bus started to give him a blow job and then wanted to have sex.

He’s just... Well he’s unbelievable. I played along in the beginning, but it’s just so strange. People tell these crazy stories, and then there’s me that doesn’t say a thing. I just wonder out of everything, why? Why do these people lie? Some lie for fun, some lie to be cool. I get the jokes, but just come on. Or if there not, why do they do these things? How do they do these things?

— It reminds me a bit of Sherlock Holmes, that after you rule out of the impossible, whatever’s left no matter how improbable must be the answer. Sometimes though, these answers just aren’t real either. Well I hope they aren’t. Comment any of your friends people you've met who said some strange, almost unbelievable stories.

—— Sincerely, Society


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Sun Apr 03, 2016 11:06 am
Steggy wrote a review...



Hello, here for a short review!

I haven't read the previous parts to this so feel free to ignore anything or add onto my review. I like the idea you have here as it seems to be about the different diary entries by Society, which seems to be like a middle school teenager dealing with all the problems of life. It seems to be a bit cliche in some parts within in this novel, peeking up during the middle and whatnot. The beginning seems a bit straight-forward as the reader didn't know it- like a warning almost. In most chapters I've read, the start of something should always make the reader grasp on to deal life and hopefully want to continue on reading. From a standpoint of a non-reader of this novel, I was generally confused because it seems this part takes place right (or maybe a week or so after- if these are diary entries, why don't you give them dates?).

As the reviewer stated below me, you seem to start off with today. As I said before, that could be any day of any week. You seem to get the ball rolling but it doesn't ever go up. It only continues rolling. What I mean by this is you never truly state what the big issue is. You only spark little hints here and there without fully explaining it. As a suggestion, think before you write or perhaps plan ahead. Create the problem while it is still fresh in your head. Also if you were in that situation the character was in, how might you react? It could come in handy when writing scenes dealing with fighting or something.

You seem to info dump a lot throughout this chapter. As a suggestion, I would suddenly give out the info at random points where it isn't need- save it for when it might be of importance. It is almost like you are adding too much veggies to the broth at one time. If you add the veggies one at a time, then you'll be able to have a yummy stew to eat later today. Basically, again, think before you write or plan ahead.

At first the boyfriend was believable, but it just god weird.


[... but it just got weird. ]

I wasn’t sure what her game was, but she was very wholesome. I think she was just having a little fun in the sense that she had an overactive imagination… Well I hope at least.


I'm a little confused by what you mean here. What is Sabine's main game and what does it have to do with Society? Also this little bit feels a little bland towards the main plot or idea, perhaps it is just another road the character will take. Hopefully as the novel continues, you'll add some drama into the mix.

Overall, I enjoyed this little bit of you novel. I'll be looking out for more of this as the days go on.

Steggy




mcleo1 says...


Thanks xD, Hey steggy



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Tue Feb 16, 2016 5:08 pm
HolographicLadybug wrote a review...



Greetings mcleo1. I say this because Holographic Ladybug (me) is here for a review. :)

Rarw. Not much to say yet again, unfortunately. I have a bit more this time than last, so I at least know where I'm going with this review this time. So, without further ado, let's get to it!

~Nit-Picks~

(Yeah I know, who would want to)

I know that there are parenthesis, but there is a question between them, so there should be a question mark at the end of the sentence.

~Other Bits~
At the start, your MC goes on to say that "today" was quite big and goes on to talk about how people lie and strange liars in their life. Problem: you never mention what was quite so "big" about "today". You kind of set us up for something that has happened "today", but there isn't really anything. Thus, the blog entry doesn't appear to have much meaning. I am ok with it not to have any meaning or goal because it seems realistic that people would do something like that, but it does kind of feel like you are setting us up for something.
To fix this, you can mention what happened "today" or not mention "today" at all. Of course, this could be just me, so take my advice at your own risk. :P
This is just a suggestion, however. I'm not saying you have to do what I say or I will find you and take over your house or anything like that. :P

~Good Bits~
From where I am standing (well, I'm really sitting), I can't see any voice loss in this. (I will make sure to alert you if there is) Like I have mentioned in every review I have ever made for you, that is very important and I can see no problems there.

Your ideas for this are also very well-organized. You're not really jumping around at all or anything. It's not messy or confusing and you have your character tell us her ideas in a well-ordered way. I find that it is a bit like in the way that the events have happened, which is a very good way to go.

Overall, very good job yet again and I hope to see more! :)
Stay awesome!
~me :P




mcleo1 says...


Thanks for the review again :D Sorry about the today thing, I sometimes tend to get ahead of myself when writing and forget about some things. I'll make sure to keep these things in mind when I edit it.




"I'd be a quote vigilante. A literary Batman. Someone had better be quoting me now!"
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