Have you ever felt those urges? That sounds really bad I know, but trust me it’s not. What I mean is those random urges. To just do something, whether it be from doing something or just having that random urge? I do all the time, I actually have one now. At the moment, I really want to build another shelf from hand again.
Seem strange? Yeah I know, this semester I was transferred to Theatre Production (because I had also been transferred to AP English, so you see, schedule fixes) Theatre Production isn’t the same as Theatre 1 (which I actually took part of the year before) but it was still Theatre so I assume it’s for the best. Your head spinning? Sorry, things always tend to get complicated with my life. For your sake, I won’t even try to explain my living situation, (even I get confused).
Well let’s get back on topic, Theatre Production and building a shelf. Well in Theatre Production we have to build sets, well… sort… It’s weird, well it’s for a set. So we had to build white furniture. Currently there’s a ton of it right in front of me, seems like some moving trunk dumped it all here on accident at the moment.
I built my shelf with these two girls, Star, another sophomore transfer, and Trina, a freshmen. It was pretty fun despite Star getting mad and all serious about it. She enjoyed shelf making, but she has a bit of a perfectionist side. She also has an anger issue, yikes, not a good matchup. Plus the struggling in class… yeah what a friend.
God, I keep wanting to go off on tangents. Focus Society, Focus. I have to be a straightforward person like Kayla. Back to those little urges. I know, sounds bad, but again not that kind. I usually get these urges a lot. I tend to just want to do something like go to the dollar store for fun or bake a cake, or just clean my room. Or even at school, where I want to do Punnett squares, Math problems, Reading, Cards Against Humanities, ERS (Egyptian Rat Slap, it’s a card game).
Very random group of things, well everyone has those things. My Twin Leah gets like that, she suggests something random or just does something out of the ordinary.
Urges to me… seem like cries for help somehow. While some are random, they just happen. Some happen because we don’t know what to do, we get bored. Boredness is dangerous. That’s when people paint with nail polish, break apart something, draw on something, or try to glue something together.
Or maybe that’s just me. That first one isn’t just me though, I’ve heard other people talking about it. I swear, it was during this summer program during the transition to 8th grade. My point is, boredness tends to lead to things that are out of the ordinary for us. Which means it could just be messing something up.
That’s something I know all too well. Sometimes, I just feel possessed to do something, I don’t know why, and when I do it I regret it. I wonder why I even did it. I learned recently though from…. God dammit… I mean Shucky darn (Sorry, mom looking over my shoulder) I can’t remember where I heard this from. Well that’s not the important part. The thing I learned though was that since I’m not fully developed and so are a lot of children, (if they weren’t that’d just be weird) that when we do things and we wonder why we did them later it’s because we weren’t thinking. I mean where was our common sense during that last 60 seconds or that last hour? Or even that last few weeks? Everyone falls into those following possessed stage.
We make bad decisions that we don’t know why we did them because we’re not fully developed. It makes sense actually. I’ve done a lot of things I’ve questioned about. Like not wanting to do something, or telling someone else something I shouldn’t.
Actually one thing would probably have to be blurting out to this one mother at a birthday party when I was like 7. I remember still saying, “Why do you have Store bought cake?” all nastily. Well that’s how I reimagine it. I didn’t mean it like that, but I’m sure I sounded like a spoiled brat. But I swear, that’s only because I was used to homemade cakes my mom make. (She was so good at it, I remember once she made me an Ariel cake and she put color coordinated m&m’s on it… I’m still mad about Ariel’s hair being brown though) Well that, and then I was making my own cakes to. Actually I still do, I usually make rum cakes for adults sometimes. Or every Christmas, New Years, Easter, Fourth of July, etc., for a party.
Ugh, again off topic, but yeah, I still feel so bad about what I had said to that mother. The only reason why they had it was because the mother didn’t have time to make a cake… or she just didn’t know how to. I’m not sure, a lot of people don’t know how to make cakes.
Actually, it’s really weird. Whenever I make any type of food or sweet, people always compliment my family, or whoever makes it, and it’s just strange. Those people act like they’ve never tasted cake or pumpkin bread or salsa or so on. To be honest, we don’t have anything special to make it seem like it’s that hard. We just follow boxes. I mean my cake is boxed, so is the pumpkin bread, but everyone are so surprised and just think it’s the best thing ever.
Sorry for the ramblings, this wasn’t what my original post was supposed to be about, but as you can see, I just go with the flow. Either way they sort of connect, people not understanding simple things and then people doing stupid things…. Yeah I see that can be a stretch.
— Sometimes I wonder just how simple society has gotten. Sometimes you just need a little commonsense and elbow grease to get the job done. Or maybe google. Yeah google is pretty good to.
—— Have some commonsense, Society.
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125,008 Literary Works • 672,820 Reviews
Hi! I'm back again! Sorry about the wait. I'm getting swamped with commitments. >.<
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(Yep, Google solves all problems. I just looked it up on Google. Google is always right.
Ok, this review is going to be short because I have very little to comment on.
I agree with your character that this one is a bit off-track than he others. It's not disorganized or messy, so I'm not confused. This branches off onto multiple stories that do have to do with the main topic here, so it's not extremely random. I find that Society takes the reader with her as she branches off into the other stories in a way that seems natural, actually. It's a bit like when two friends are having a conversation for a long period of time and the subject keeps changing. It's not sudden or random, but gradual and the friends hardly even realize that they're doing that. This post is a lot like that. In fact, I barely even noticed that she kept going off track until (noticing that she mentioned that) I reread it, looking for the signs of off-topicness.
The only criticism I have is when Society is talking about cake. When Society first starts to go on about it, she says that she was used to the homemade cakes her mom did. However, at the end of the next paragraph, she says that her mom might not have known how to. These two instances don't really make sense together. I could be just me being me, but it's a bit confusing. I think that you mentioned in the previous entries that her mom has made cakes, but I could be wrong. The solution: remove one statement (the later one would probably work best).
(Oh, and "google" should have a capital G because it's a name.)
Well, that's it from me! You've got no loss of voice here, so yet again, that's good. I'm eager for the next installment, so never stop writing. And, as always, if you have any questions, don't hesitate to ask.
~Holographic Ladybug
Hello, Blaspherica here for a review today!
Alrighty. I take it that this novel is going to be centered around a character named "Society" and their path towards trying to get commonsense. I haven't read the previous chapters to this novel, so if I get something wrong, feel free to correct me. This chapter feels like a jolt of notes for somebody who thinks about life all the time and creates something from what they written on the piece of paper. Another thing I think this seems like is that everyone is trying to find some sort of commonsense (or in other words, this idea seems a bit cliche). However, you do approach is nice, making Society a character with a normal life like a human or something. It just seems you could've expanded more onto the feeling that Society could have. (Ignore my silly ramblings- they tend to get off-topic and form into something that doesn't exactly make sense lol).
Anyway. Onto the next part. I do like your writing style. As the tick said, it does have the flowy feel to it but isn't too flowy that the reader will most likely fall asleep. Like a spring flower, I suppose. You seem to get away from the topic with this character, which is normal, kinda acting like myself in a sense because I can talk and talk and talk... See what I mean?
However, which using your inner thoughts, try to grab them and throw them into a circle. It'll run but you have it closed in so you actually start thinking. In a sense, the thoughts that are running through Society's mind is a little unclear and hard to follow. One thing that annoys me (doesn't annoy me too much but whatever) is starting a chapter with a question. Sure, it can make the reader answer in their head but what is the use of that? Maybe it does have a purpose of making the reader try to relate at what the MC is feeling or something.
The beginning of this chapter seems to be backwards. Like the question should be somewhere in the middle. It can also be a little confusing since at first, what urges? Hunger urges? Love urges? You do explain is later on, but what's the point of explaining later on when the reader should know when they first read it.
Why is the mother looking over her shoulder? It doesn't feel quite right what you are writing. However, it does have that feel that Society is being watched over by their "mother-figure".
[... seems like a cry for help somehow... ]
I think, throughout this chapter, something is urging Society to something. Like she wants to the change the world. I also think you are forcing trying to write how she feels. Don't worry- I do that all the time. Try to picture the character in your mind, and think about how they might feel. Dig deep into their nervous system, and make their actions as if they were your own.
Anyway.
Little confused at what is happening at the end. Is it somebody else speaking, or her thoughts in general?
I do like where you are going with this. It does have that certain "feeling" to it, I can't describe. Try to remember not to let your thoughts go far away before you actually need them. Express what the little voices inside your head need.
Blaspherica
Hi Mcleo 1
Nice work! I loved the way your writing is so conversational, it makes it really easy to read - and the paragraphs flow nicely together. Like you said, it's good sometimes to just "go with the flow". I also really liked your anecdotes, the way you complement your writing with personal memories - it's a good technique to make readers feel like they have an "insight" to your personal life. I also liked how you kept on "criticizing" your work. Like the way you apologized for going off on a tangent etc... instead of going back and changing it. It's really unique and makes your work seem less edited and perfected. I guess it also allows you as a writer to just go with your train of thought.
On the other hand, I don't really get your point about common sense. For me, if felt like most of your writing was about some random thoughts and ideas you were just writing down, and then at the end decided it would make more of an impact if you linked it to society or something - I get where you're coming from, but if you want to make a point about society or common sense - make sure the whole piece is about that (and if need be - edited it if you find yourself going off on tangents). Make sure it is structured, or just written in a way which will reinforce your point. But if you just literally want to write down some random thoughts, then maybe title it random thoughts or whatever - just don't link it to a point you haven't been talking about or that is hard to link to what you've just said.
Anyway, I really enjoyed reading it and I hope you keep writing!
Tick tock
This is actually from a piece where it's about someone else not me. This is actually a character lol. But thanks for your criticism I realized it was quite random and I should've done a little more restructuring. Thanks for much for the review!
Oh wow! I never realized! In that case, you did a really good job - the characterization was amazing, it literally sounded so much like someone real. Well done. No problem!