(Authors Note: This is not real, this is a story. Enjoy)
I just need to get a few things off of my chest, so for the moment my first post ever. Do not spam or hate. Whatever I say is what I say. I am a person and so are you, we are people, we are Society. One for all and all for one.
Over the years, I’ve learned a lot of things from life. I confess, I change my mind pretty quickly after watching something. But, in my defense, that is only because I am uneducated in that subject. My mind is malleable only because of prior knowledge and previous exposure to these topics.
Weight can be one of those topics actually. Beauty can to, Feminism, Terrorism, Democrats and Republicans, Immigrants. I’m not someone well informed. I’m not the smartest person, I’m not a jock or anything like that. Heck, I have trouble holding onto something. I lose things easily, I forget easily. I get nervous, I’m pretty sure I’m pretty useless in everything. I’m even sure right now I’ve got typos in this and run on sentences.
But the thing is, I’ve still got opinions. They could be shallow and barely scratch the surface, well they probably are, but they are mine. I’m just a 16 year old girl, 232 or so pounds, a sophomore in high school, and someone who just wants to scream to the world.
Everyone can be obsessed about things and say certain things. People obsess over anime, TV shows, Books, fashion and so much more. I only get the 1%. I can’t name a favorite author, movie star, nothing like that and it makes me feel so small. I feel like I have nothing to contribute and maybe that I’m nothing at all.
Lots of people feel that way, but honestly, I’m just a blank slate whose opinion is nothing more than a voice with no words. For years I say I’ve loved writing and want to be a writer. But have I ever finished any book? Any story? Am I even writing for my books now? Have I chosen an idea other than jumping around from one project to another?
No, I haven’t. Yeah, I’ll just say it. I’m a big fat phony. I’m admitting it at least. Blaming it on other people other than myself? For the moment yes. I have my flaws, but not everyone are self-motivated.
Since the beginning, since when you were born, you have been judged. You have been taught and molded into certain types of people, influenced by anyone you have ever met or spoken to, or even just seen. Society isn’t just me or you, it includes everyone. Every single person and every single thought and every single little comment or action that we have ever done. In total, we as Society suck.
You’re probably wondering what this is all about, well for the moment.
Just call me Society.
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Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,008 Literary Works • 672,820 Reviews
Oh hello, I was just scrolling through the Green Room when I saw this. It has been here far to long, how 'bout we do something about that, shall we?
1. Scrolling/Grammar/Punctuation
1. a)
I re-arranged these sentences to make a little more sense. Also, in "Beauty can to," the 'to' should be 'too'.
1. b)
Makes more sense as:
That's all I really noticed, good job on not having a lot
2. Your 'Story' Itself
Every written work is a story in a way. I mean poems, short stories, chapters, lyrics, random brain babble. They all tell stories. And this letter of sorts you have written in no exception. Society is like a cruel master, and maybe you love it, but even if you don't; you still have ties to it that control you in some way or another. You really owe a lot to society, whether it's because you paid attention and are now more 'popular', or it benefitted you in some way, or because it poses as a threat to you.
You did a really good job of showing how much control Society has, and you did it in a good way. I read this as a kind of letter, and it made a lot of sense that way. But perhaps that wasn't what you were going for, either way; You did a really good job and in a way, I enjoyed reading this.
Great Job and Keep on Writing
I truthfully really love what your getting at. I expected something about Society being crude and mean like the way many people talk about but you touch on it in a different perspective.
Thank you, that really means a lot to me.
Hey. I'm here for a short review.
It sounds like this is coming from a genuine person, so the voice is definitely there. We also find out what your character is like, which for something like this, I would imagine being super important because of the whole blog entry thing.
Not much to say about this really because it's so short and written in a way that isn't commonly found here, so I'll just try to drag on the compliments for as long as possible.
Voice and good character traits are the most important things for a piece like this. It is absolutely key. I take it that this is your character's blog entry and real-life blog entries are filled with voice and the writer's personality. Luckily, you have done it perfectly.
Another great thing about this is that you've had your character tell us stuff about them, but not too much. This is great because it is advoiding info-dumping while still maintaining its realistic setting. I don't really read blogs, but I have read a few authors' and they don't just dump everything about them onto readers in one post. You avoided it, so a thumbs up goes to you.
Ah, yes, this was a very short review for me and I am reaching the end of it. I hope that this has served its purpose in providing feedback. Overall, very interesting.
Never stop writing!
~Holographic Ladybug
Thank you for the review, I'm glad you liked it. Sorry for it's length, I was trying to get it to be a good length and a bit realistic. Not like the first post should be something super long.
very interesting. I expected something related to a depressed teen whining about how society mistreats teenagers. I enjoyed this because teenagers themselves are apart of society and not many people realize this.
Thank you, I was trying to aim for that in a sense.