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Project New Year part 1, it's shorter now

by maverymadams


Through years of research and tests Dr. Mallory has come up with the program to make the perfect spy. He calls it, project “New Year”. He is only using his program on one person and that person is a little baby girl named Haley, also known as his only daughter. This program inserts the human with the special skills and traits they need to require being the best spy ever. Including karate skills, fighting skills, speaking like 20 different languages. And what better time to try it when the human beings mind is growing. The problem is, many evil people want this program, but after Dr. Mallory used it on his daughter he destroyed the program and all the information on it. Now Haley must be hidden and protected. She doesn’t know what she is capable of or why she keeps moving. But all her questions will be answered soon when the CIA and the enforcement, (bad guys) send in two 17 year old boys to befriend Haley. One is to protect her and the other is to kidnap her. Will the CIA do their job, or will the Enforcement take her hostage?

Sixteen years later Haley lives with an undercover agent couple posing as her aunt and uncle. Her father is currently in Switzerland hiding from the Enforcement. Haley lives in Los Angeles, she has been going to this public school for 3 years and her life is about to get even more strange when James bumps into her.

Two weeks earlier, at the CIA office in L.A, Dr. Mallory calls them with an important message.

“Uh Sir, there is a Dr. Mallory on the phone, he says he needs to talk to you.” The assistant said.

“Okay, thank you. Hello Dr. Mallory, this is Director Lyon, what is going on?” Asked Lyon.

“This is very important, please don’t ask questions and just do as I say, I don’t have much time. I created Project New Year, where I can insert the certain abilities a spy or agent would need. Like fighting skills, and the knowledge of multiple different languages. So I used it on my daughter Haley. And the she was the only one I used it on, and then I destroyed everything and sent her to a safe house and stuff like that. But the Enforcement is after the program, and they think she knows what it is but she doesn’t. They are after me and her. I want you to protect her and watch out for her. I will email the rest of the details from a safe email address. Now I have to. Please protect my daughter. I will contact you, don’t contact me. Good bye.”

“Alright men, we have a job. I want you all to get me everything on project “New Year”, Dr. Mallory, and his daughter Haley Mallory.” Lyon ordered.

“Sir, Haley Mallory is a 17 year old junior going to Venice Senior High School. She lives with agents Keith and Jenifer Browser. They are undercover agents that have been protecting her for the last 10 years. Dr. Mallory is in Switzerland right now, and “New Year” crosses the persons genetics to implants into their brain stem the fighting knowledge they need, and the knowledge to speak up to 10 different languages. Also great negotiating skills, and debate skills, and different forms of torture and they will know every single gun known to man, and how to use it.” Agent Kelsey explained.

“So Dr. Mallory said he only used it on one person, and that was Haley. I have orders from him to protect her and keep her safe. I don’t think he wants her to know so we can’t just put her into witness protection.” Lyon said.

“Why not Director, we could say that your dad is in trouble or something.” Agent Hollie asked.

“No we can’t. It says here in this newspaper article about him that he died in a car accident. Haley thinks he is dead.” Lyon said. “We need to send in an agent to watch her. How old is our youngest agent?”

“Twenty-six.” Agent Hollie said. “Hey I know the perfect guy that would love this job, and he is 17.”

“We are not sending in my son. I know he wants to be an agent but this isn’t the life he wants. He doesn’t know what this life is like.” Lyon said.

“Yeah, but I am ready for anything dad, I mean, Director Lyon.” James said.

James Lyon, Director Lyon’s son. Ever since he was a little boy he wanted to be a spy. The thing is no one is really supposed to know what these agents do. James found out by snooping through his father’s stuff and following him. If the agency knew he knows, the Director could be in some serious trouble.

“James! You are not supposed to be here! Are you an idiot?!” Lyon yelled.

“I just want to help dad. Please, I can go undercover and be her friend or something and watch out for her. Let me do this dad.” James begged.

“Alright fine, but you are going to be equipped with everything field agents have, and I want an extract team ready and a backup team ready. James you sense one second of dangers you tell Haley whatever you have to and both of you get out. Promise?” Lyon said.

“Yes dad, but don’t worry, nothing will happen. So, can I get some more information on Haley?” James asked.

“Yeah follow agent Hollie and he will brief you on the mission.” Lyon said.

James was very excited. His first mission, and he was being called agent Lyon. In briefing of the mission he learned about everything that is to know Haley Mallory. She is 17, born on July 27th, she is 5’10 weighs 135 pounds, favorite color baby blue, and had the chicken pots when she was 3. Blonde hair with brown low lights, green eyes, and also had braces. When James saw the picture of Haley he was shocked. She was beautiful. You would never know underneath all the beauty was a fighting machine.

At the Enforcement in a small abandoned club in downtown Hollywood, they are coming up with their own plan to capture Haley. Sam, the leader of the Enforcement is sending in his nephew to befriend Haley, ask her out on a date, and then kidnap her. Logan Hemming, a 17 year old, high school drop-out, but yet very handsome and good with the ladies.

“Logan, I want you to ask Haley out, then you are going to slip some of these into her drink, and then bring her back here and we will hypnotize her to become one of us.” Sam explained.

“Okay Uncle Sam, but why do we have to hypnotize her to be one of us? Why can’t we kidnap her father, the one who created everything, and have he give us the project and we can make our own army of perfect spies?” Logan asked.

“Because her father erased all he knows about the project, so far we know that he knows that he has a daughter and that’s it. There is a high chance that he put his knowledge of the project in her brain and that she doesn’t know about yet. So just take her on a “date” then bring her to us, got it?” Sam said.

“Okay, I will leave tonight. Wish me luck.” Logan responded.

Now both young men are on their ways to, in their own way of, getting to know and get close to Haley. But James is there to protect her and Logan is trying to kidnap her. What’s really bad is Haley thinks she is just living a regular life.

“Aunt Georgia, Uncle Hank? Where did you guys go?” Haley asked. “Seriously they are here one moment then gone the next.” She said to herself.

“I think Haley is calling for us, you keep talking to Lyon and I will go see what she wants. She actually should be heading for school soon. Tell me what he says later.” Georgia told Hank. Hank just kept talking to Lyon about his plan with James.

“Haley, what do you need, your uncle and I are very busy.” Georgia asked.

“I just wanted to say ‘bye’. I’m leaving for my first day of senior year. Wish me luck! By the way I promise not to meet any boys.” Haley said with a smirk.

“Actually, your uncle and I were talking and we think that you are old enough to date, if you meet a nice boy, but we have to meet him first.” Georgia told Haley.

“Are you serious? I can’t believe it! Thank you so much! I love you!” Haley yelled as she ran up and hugged her aunt. She had been waiting for 4 years to be able to ask out her best guy friend that she had kept her feelings from since like 7th grade. She let go of her aunt and ran out and walked across the street to go to school. Yeah, that’s right; they live 3 minutes away from the school. The CIA thinks that Haley would be safer being so close.

“Hey Alison, so guess what? My aunt said I can finally date! I’m going to go find Liam and see if he wants to go to a movie.” Haley told her best friend.

“That’s awesome that you can date, but I don’t think Liam will go out with you.” Alison said.

“Why not?”

“Well over the summer he and I started going out. Sorry, I was going to tell you today.” Alison said.

“Whoa. Well so much for true friends. Why didn’t you talk to me before!? You knew how much I liked him! But whatever. I hope you two are very happy together.” Haley yelled.

Alison tried to get her attention, but decided that it probably wasn’t a good idea. Haley stormed off, and as she walked off she accidently ran into this guy and dropped her books on his feet.

“I am so sorry. I wasn’t looking where I was going. Are your feet okay?” Haley said sincere.

“I’m fine. It’s okay, I wasn’t looking also. Here are your books.” The boy said as he handed her the books. “I’m James by the way, you are?”

“Thanks. I’m Haley. Are you new here? I’ve never seen you before.” Haley asked.

“Yeah, I moved here this summer.” James said. ‘Good. Now ask where your first class is, we hacked in the school to make sure you had all but 1 class with her.’ Lyon said into James ear piece. “Can you tell me where Mr. Marker’s class is?”

“You have science with Mr. M first period? So do I. Just follow me, class is about to start soon.” Haley said.

Her and James walked into class and sat down next to each other. Mr. M is a very cool teacher. He doesn’t rag on people for homework and every test you can always take it with a partner. *Ring*

“Alright children, this is a new year and I haven’t changed. The only thing I will not tolerate is tardiness.” Mr. M said.

Right after he said that this punk teen boy walks in, all in black and leather. With not a care in the world written across his face.

“Well, looks like we have a trouble maker? What is your name son?” Mr. M asked.

“Logan, and so what I am like a minute late. You should be grateful that I even bothered to show up.” Logan said.

“Well, Logan, just sit there right behind Haley. You could learn a thing or two from her.” Mr. M said.

“Doubt it but, whatever.” Logan said. When he walked by Haley he snapped his fingers and clicked his tongue and winked. That was his target. He thought that every girl loves a bad boy, but in this case James has gotten to Haley first and put on the charm.

Haley and James have all but choir together. James is a teacher’s assistant in the class right next door, so he can still keep an eye on her. Over the past few weeks Haley has taken a liking to James. So she decided to ask him if he wants to go the fair with her.

“Hey James, I have a question.” Haley asked. “Do you maybe want to go see a movie with me this Saturday?”

“That sounds awesome! What time should I pick you up?” He asked.

“Well I heard that this cool action movie starts at 2, and my aunt wants to meet you before we go out so you maybe want to come over for dinner tonight and meet them?” She asked.

‘Yes, then they can give you more info on her and you can give them the info you gathered at school. Make sure to give them the name of that Logan kid. He sounds suspicious.’ Lyon told James.

“Sure that sounds awesome. I would love to meet your aunt.” He responded.

“Great, well my house is right across the street, it’s the yellow one. Come over around 5:30?” Haley said.

“It’s a date.” James said.

What Haley nor James didn’t know was that Logan had been eavesdropping on their conversation and now knows where Haley lives. Now he can go report back to the Enforcement and see what the next step is. Haley was skipping home so excited to tell her aunt about James.

“Aunt Georgia, where are you? I have something really exciting to tell you.” Haley yelled out.

“I’m right here Haley. What is it?” Georgia asked.

“Well, there is this boy I’ve been hanging out with for a few weeks at school and I was wondering if you could meet him and well, interview him so I could go out with him?” Haley said.

Georgia was hoping that this boy was James. If not then she couldn’t let her. “What is his name?” She asked.

“James.”

“Hm, well I suppose. Can he come over for dinner tonight?”

“Yes, he will be here at 5:30.” Haley said with a smile.

“Okay then. I will go tell you uncle. Why don’t you go get even prettier?”

Haley went upstairs to get ready. Georgia then walked into the office where Hank was video chatting with Lyon and James about this evening.

“Oh good, Georgia is here. Did Haley tell you about tonight?” Hank asked.

“Yes, I wanted to make sure it was you though, James. If it was another boy I can’t take that risk. James have you noticed anyone odd at school that could be working for the enforcement?” Georgia asked.

“Well, there is this one kid, Logan. He is a total punk, but seems too stupid to be working for them. If she says anything about hanging out with a dude with the name of Logan though, don’t let her.” James said.

“Okay will do. We have the conversations that she has with herself while she is alone and also a copy of her diary. We already looked through it, so we can give it to you as you leave. I would read it tonight.” Hank said.

“That just doesn’t seem right though. We shouldn’t be looking through her personal diary and listening to her own conversations.” James said.

“Oh really, I will have you know she talks about Logan a lot in here. She also talks about feeling for powerful and more intelligent each day just doesn’t know why. Just so you know, last year she was failing Spanish and just a few weeks into Spanish this year the teacher is moving her up to Spanish 3. She can speak it fluently.” Hank said.

“Wow, she is progressing more than I thought. Keep an eye on her communications, and tonight test her reflexes. Knock over a glass or something and see what happens.” Lyon told them. “James will see you in 20 minutes. Good luck everyone.” *Call ended*

Georgia and Hank looked at each other and sighed. They hated lying to Haley. But it was the only way to protect her.

*Ding Dong*

“Oh my god he is here! Do not embarrass me tonight. Please, especially you uncle Hank.” Haley said.

“Okay well I will get the door.” Hank replied. “Well you must be James. Nice to meet you, put it there.” He said as he shook his hand hard.

“Nice to meet you too sir, ma’am these chocolates are for you and Haley the flowers are for you.” James said.

“Well thank you James. You seem like a very kind gentle man. Come in and sit, dinner should be ready at 6 but there are drinks and we can sit and chat for a while.” Georgia said.

James handed the flowers to Haley and she blushed as she took them. She put the flowers in a vase and sat down on the couch next to James. Georgia and Hank sat on the couch right across from them.

“So James, have you always lived here?” Georgia asked.

“Well I’ve moved around a lot because of my father’s work.” James said.

“Oh really, what does your father do?” Haley asked.

“Oh, well, he is in Afghanistan. Yeah so I don’t get to see him often.” James explained.

“I’m sorry James. My mom was in the war and died in action when I was 4. My dad died though shortly after I was born.” Haley said.

“I’m sorry Haley, I had no idea. Well why don’t we talk about something else? Mrs. Helm your house is beautiful.” James said.

“Why thank you James.” Georgia said.

As they were talking Logan was outside climbing up the side of the house to plant a microphone in Haley’s room so he knew her plans and where she would be. Logan started to open the window and put one foot in and lost his balance and fell onto the floor.

“What was that? It sounded like it came from my room.” Haley said.

“Stay here I will go check.” James said.

“Uncle Hank, don’t let James go alone. Go with him.” Haley said.

Hank and James went upstairs, and they looked behind to see if Haley was behind them. She wasn’t so James and Hank pulled out their guns and slowly crept up the stairs. Logan quickly jumped back out the window and ran behind the house. Downstairs Georgia is keeping Haley in the bathroom and told her to lock the door.

“Wait, Aunt Georgia I know what that was. My picture must have fallen. I will go up and tell them.” Haley said.

“No Haley, stay here!” Georgia whisper yelled.


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718 Reviews


Points: 14055
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Sun Jan 10, 2016 3:13 pm
CaptainJack wrote a review...



Hey there Avery. As requested I am here to review. Your chapter is a bit long, so without further ado let the reviewing begin.

Grammar and Spelling
-What I noticed the most throughout your story, was the dialogue. You created separate lines for when each person talked, but the correct punctuation was not always used. I noted at least twenty lines of dialogue where it was missing a comma, period, or other. While it is nice to have the correct punctuation for ease of reading, I think it also makes the work look more professional.

-The only spelling mistake I saw was this.

She is 17, born on July 27th, she is 5’10 weighs 135 pounds, favorite color baby blue, and had the chicken pots when she was 3.

1. Did you mean chicken pox instead of "pots" or does it have something to do with the rest of the plot? I only ask because you could say that this is a fictional universe with fictional diseases.
2. This goes more under content, but the color "baby blue" is a bit overused and I associate with James Bond. This may have been what you were looking for.

Length
-If you are going to make each chapter this long, you may run out of material before reaching the end. I can see this was just an introduction to the adventure, but it's still a bit long. I wanted to read the rest, but it took me forever to get through. I would recommend splitting this chapter up into maybe two parts.

Content
- I did like the story and it intrigued me. I wanted to see if this was just another spy thriller or maybe a new twist on an old story. So far it has been but there are always the rest of the chapters.
-There was this one line where the word choice confused me.
“Whoa. Well so much for true friends. Why didn’t you talk to me before!? You knew how much I liked him! But whatever. I hope you two are very happy together.” Haley yelled.

Maybe split the lines of dialogue up more. She went from being mad at her friend to wishing her good luck.
-I like the cliff hanger it was left on. I will be happy to read the next chapter if you decide to write one.

I am actually writing a story at the moment that will turn into a spy novel in the next chapter. It was great to read your story. Have a great day.
-lizzy




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Mon Jan 04, 2016 6:37 am
FeatherPen wrote a review...



Hello maverymadams and welcome to YWS!
I guess I’ll be giving you your first review :-)
I liked the pretence of the story; a high tec program that essentially makes a super human. The spy element is cool too and reminded me of the CHERUB series by Robert Muchamore. Have you read them?

This chapter is really long, particularly by YWS standards. I suggest, if you want more people to read it and some in-depth reviews, breaking it into a few chapters. From the length I expected it to be a complete short story and think that you have enough action for it to be one, if you end it differently. If you want to continue the story, the best place to change chapters would be when you change your point of view.


Now both young men are on their ways to, in their own way of, getting to know and get close to Haley. But James is there to protect her and Logan is trying to kidnap her. What’s really bad is Haley thinks she is just living a regular life.
“Aunt Georgia, Uncle Hank? Where did you guys go?” Haley asked. “Seriously they are here one moment then gone the next.” She said to herself.

Around about here would be a good place for your first one to end.


This would aid in my second recommendation of making the change in characters and scene more obvious. The second way to aid with this is to add some description at the opening of each different scene. For example

Hayley stood in the hallway her backpack slung over one shoulder and hollered through the house “Aunt Georgia, Uncle Hank?” ,to herself she mumbled “Seriously they are here one moment then gone the next.”

Would show the reader that you are no longer at the CIA headquarters especially if it is at the start of a new chapter.

My third recommendation is to make use of the phrase ‘show and don’t tell’, which you may have heard before. There are several places where you sum up what has happened previously and when you do this you are telling.

Now both young men are on their ways to, in their own way of, getting to know and get close to Haley. But James is there to protect her and Logan is trying to kidnap her. What’s really bad is Haley thinks she is just living a regular life.

Another example is saying “James was exited”. To show you write something like “a wide grin spread across James face and he eagerly opened the mission file.” This shows he is exited with out telling us directly that he is.
You could cut out most of the summaries without a negative impact on the story as they are only saying what you have already told. Showing takes a while to get a hold of and a lot of us have to be reminded of it fairly often. (so don’t feel that it is only you)

Putting the ‘briefing’ information about Haley in the form of a mission file would make it more interesting to read. You would write “James opened the mission file” then give the mission file to the reader. In fact you could put the entire back story about her father in the mission file too. The Cherub series makes good use of mission files to fill the reader as well as the agent in on the background information. Writing it like this would also help you condense it.

Your story progressed well and at a good pace. I liked that Haley seems at face value to be an average high school girl whom you can relate to. I think it has heaps of potential but just needs a little more work. If you need any clarification about anything don’t hesitate to ask, I don’t always make as much sense as I think I do! ;-) I haven’t reviewed any specifics as to the story, because it is so long but if you would like me to, break it into parts, and I’d be happy to. I look forward to seeing you around YWS and hopefully reading more of your writing.

All the best Ferran





I didn't know beards could do that ;)
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