(after the train)

A rather short review here for you today. Oh, and I have to put this in here: Schadenfreude.

This certainly is an interesting poem you've written. Overall, it is rather vague and confusing, though the little snippets do lead into each over. They're like pieces of a jigsaw puzzle, slowly revealing the big picture as each little snippet is put in place.

I like how you keep coming back to (after the train), it makes it seem more important than the shotgun blow, and the whiskey, and all the little events that add up but still don't have an answer. Really, it is rather confusing with the notion of someone dying, and the possibility that it was all a one night stand, but still the voice of the poem is convinced that he / she is in love.

Rather curious, but as always, keep writing!
- noninjaspresent >(> ==)>*

Hi Mary!

One of the things I really like about this poem is that it leads up on itself. So, you start with a tantalizing piece of information that the narrator fell in love with the love interest after the train. And then you add little information, about the whiskey, the shot gun, and the girl. And it's just really interesting because you slowly get to fill in the details and it forms an interesting picture.

The only problem is that the picture, as it is, is still is a little too vague and there are many questions that abound. For instance, who is she, and what does she have to do with this love? And what exactly did a shotgun have to do with this? I mean, part of me likes the ambiguity, but this is a bit too ambiguous. You want to be ambiguous enough so that it can mean several things, but not ambiguous so that it's confusing. And right now, it's a little confusing.

Best of luck to you!

IM DRUNK AND A BITCH AND IM DRUNK