Published September 18, 2010
MatryoshkaThe silent drip of the center of life
My matryoshka is broken
the babies aren't identical
An ice chill that rips apart
what we had together
if it can.
The mold is wrong
abate the song,
the lullaby you used to cry
is not here in your soul.
The bird is flying away,
the nest is lonely.
It comes seeking its reflection
but the feathers are not the same,
his flights expire out of fear.
I am ashamed but proud
of breaking my Matryoshka
still, there is nothing to repair the wood,
just a dream out of one's breath,
in'which everything will be the same.
My matryoshka sorrowed over my eyes
she cried for warmth
away from this cold winter.
She cried for the child
she knew that she lost.
I cried for her vanity
her exquisite smile
the hands that ushered me,
the mother who
I lost in a bat.
My matryoshka is broken
and I feel nothing but pain
inside of my heart.
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141,444 Literary Works • 674,455 Reviews
In any case, the first four stanzas seem to wander around a lot. There's not a lot of flow, and the third stanza seems unnecessary. What it looks like you are trying to do, though I could be wrong, is to have three separate parts of the poem. The first part is the first four stanza, the second is the fifth & sixth stanza, and the third is the seventh stanza. Since each part is a little smaller than the one before it, it looks like you were trying to structure the poem like a matryoshka doll. If so, be careful. It's a great concept, but it does look like some lines were added just to get the form down.
However, the fifth, sixth, and seventh stanzas are great. So while the poem starts off kind of rough, I like how you ended it a lot.
Fantastic imagery, and you have a way with words. I did find it a bit sad, but not in a bad way. This is my favourite stanza:
TIGERSPRITE
A fantastic imagery is created in my mind while reading this. a beautiful sadness portrayed. There is so much symbolism perhaps unintended even. I must agree though that the start of the poem is a lot stronger than the second half, in fact the first paragraph is my favorite. None the less a beautiful poem.
Eek! Love the idea with the Matryoshka doll.
First of all!
It comes seeking it's reflection <-- "it's" should be "its."
Now! My favorite part was this:
I liked that because the matryoshka lost her child, so I had the image of her losing something within her... after all, matryoshka dolls are like that. The babies, or at least they kind of look like the bigger ones. So that image was very poignant for me!
Now, the rest of the poem seemed to wander a little bit. So I would definitely refocus it on it. You are quite the lovely writer... you just need to say what you need to say and then back away and let the poetry wash over us.