Senseless

Hello! I'm Clarity and I'm here to review Senseless for you.

So, I enjoyed this poem a lot. It was very effective and had a nice flow to it. Now for me to pick it apart and review in detail.

We see,

But we are blind

We hear,

But we are deaf

We speak,

But we are mute

We touch,

But we are numb;

Now, I assume YWS had messed up your format. I see this a lot of the time, but I think it's best to point it out so you can fix it. I also assume that this would be your first stanza. Correct me if I am wrong, though. I cannot point out any negatives to this part because it is the perfect opening for the rest of the poem. It is repetitive but it works well because it helps us remember it. Well done. The only thing I should point out is that you don't need a capital letter after a comma and you might want to add a full stop after each different idea. (E.g. We speak, but we are mute.) Yeah?

Blind to the earth that crumbles beneath us

deaf to the cries of the helpless and the innocent

speaking words without sound, without voice

numb to the pain we all must know,

I also assume that this is your second stanza. But I cannot be certain because the formatting is a bit strange at the moment. This is a lovely way to follow on from your previous lines. I notice that this poem is actually structured in a similar way I was taught to structure my paragraphs in English Language. (PEE. Point, Evidence, Explanation.) Although, you did it as Point Explanation and Extension; which is what another method we used. This was just something I noticed, so I'm basically saying you have good structure in this poem. I really like how you extended the points you made in the previous stanza. It flowed brilliantly and left me feeling simply awed. You got the point of us being aware of our surroundings yet ultimately choosing not to take any notice to them. I loved how you conveyed this message throughout the poem. Well done. The only problem I have with this part is the way you have used punctuation, or rather lack of it. Here is an example of how I might do it:
***Note: You don't have to do this, it's your work. Just a suggestion.***

"Blind to the earth that crumbles beneath us.

Deaf to the cries of the helpless and the innocent.

Speaking words without sound, without voice.

Numb to the pain we all must know."

Until we fade;

forgotten,

senseless.

As I have with the previous parts of this poem, I assume this is your third stanza. I really like this part, it's a nice and simple way of ending the poem. It trails off in a way that allows you to retain the rest of the poem and leaves us able to rethink the whole thing. I can see how this part trails off from the previous line, and the capital 'U' may seem strange leading on from previously; but it stands out more. So, yay!


So, overall you have a really nice poem going on here. I enjoyed reading it tremendously and you actually left me thinking of the whole issue you spoke about. Well done, I really liked it. I hope this review helped you. Feel free to PM me if you have any further questions regarding this review or on anything in general.

Well done and good luck with future writing!

-Clarity.