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E - Everyone

3:39 am

by mags26


It's crazy to think of the number of people that live out there, that you yourself are such a tiny part of the world. What I have learned since I was a kid was that everybody seeks greatness in their own way, everybody wants to feel that they matter, that they've made something significant in this vast world full of tiny people.

Me? Personally I seek greatness too but I always feel lost and overwhelmed by everything... like I'm not good enough to achieve what I want. You see, it's hard to follow the things that you want when there is this constant voice telling you that you can't or that you shouldn't. Well in this case that voice was my parents, specifically, my mum and my stepdad.

Don't get me wrong they are good people... in their own way. It's just that they've always pushed me to have good grades, to be skinnier, to be prettier, to behave like a lady, and to have realistic expectations in life.

Look, I know I'll probably never be someone that is going to be remembered for their literary works like Jane Austen or Virginia Woolf, or be remembered as a beautiful and amazing actress like Audrey Hepburn to the point where people are going to write songs about me, one would think that it is allowed to have those silly dreams. Yet, in my case, I was never allowed to. Since I started high school my parents had pushed me to decide "what I wanted to be when I grow up" as if a twelve-year-old has ANY idea of what the outside world is all about, as if children have the capacity to determine the course of their lives as such a young age. But I wanted to make my parents happy with my career choice for the future so I said that I wanted to be a lawyer. Only if I knew what I was getting into.

Years and years and years of constant reminder of my career choice, as if I would forget, my parents constantly made sure to let everybody know that I was going to be a lawyer.

However, I am a very unstable person so they didn't take into account the periods in my life where my academic grades would fall or that two years where I was extremely depressive but for them, it was just a teenage phase that I should have to get over with.

So, how did I end up? With mediocre grades that apparently define my future because THAT is all universities care about. That's also the reason why they're so damn expensive.

All my dreams were crushed and left behind with huge expectations on my shoulders. Why do I not mention what my dreams were? Because they are extremely irrelevant. Nowadays I am studying two undergraduate courses in two different universities paid by none other than my parents, and I should be grateful right?... right? The thing is that I can't help to have this bittersweet feeling that I am never gonna be able to be independent, to be me.

The two majors I am doing were chosen by my parents, one of them I am doing it to help my stepdad open a real state business so clearly he wants me to be working for him. In fact, he made it very clear by always telling me that I am almost twenty and jobless living under his roof, eating his food, and wasting his money. And on the other hand, the other major that I am pathetically trying to keep studying is computer engineering. I say pathetically because I SUCK at math and apparently also at programming, but my mum insisted that I should study this because I would earn a lot of money and technology is the future, and she's probably right but none of these were things that I wanted thus the bittersweetness of the situation.

I can't back down now, firstly because they've made sure to make it seem like my career choices were made by me and not by them, and secondly because I have nowhere else to go. How many universities would accept me with my mediocre grades? How many universities would give me a scholarship? I'll tell how many, zero.

So I am trapped, with no hope of escaping writing this in the middle of the night in hope of someone to hear my screams for help. To take this bag of expectations away from me. To let me dream and be me, with my flaws, my instability, and my mediocre high school grades. To let me breathe.


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Tue Sep 07, 2021 6:02 pm
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BetsyJ wrote a review...



Hi,
First of all, I am new around here too, so I hope you have a great time reading and writing in here! :)))

Coming to your narrative, it is a very relatable subject and I could sense authenticity in the narrator's voice.
There is some trouble with the sentence structure here and there. For example,
"All my dreams were crushed and left behind with huge expectations on my shoulders."
There are two ideas in this sentence which presented together a bit awkwardly. Perhaps, it could be changed to "All my dreams were crushed, and I was left behind with huge expectations weighing me down/ huge expectations laid on my shoulders"...


Apart from grammar and syntax, I really appreciate the confessional tone of the piece. This one is honest, as i said before, and does not shy away from conveying uncomfortable facts. Apart from academic and parental pressures, what I noticed to be interesting was the narrator's latent wish to be famous or great and eye-catching just like 'everybody' despite knowing it most probably will not happen. The motive to be 'great' is increasingly present in today's youth, and the media mostly promotes that kind of consciousness while 'normal' or 'mediocre' is pushed to the margins.
I think your piece talks that in a more subtle way.

Keep writing, and remember to ignore anything that doesn't help and take whatever you find helpful from this review. Thanks!




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Thu Sep 02, 2021 9:29 pm
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Valkyria says...



Happy RevMo!

Valkyria here to leave a review:

First of all, this was an engaging read about the struggles of parental pressure. You did a good job showing the issues in a powerful piece.

All my dreams were crushed and left behind with huge expectations on my shoulders. Why do I not mention what my dreams were? Because they are extremely irrelevant. Nowadays I am studying two undergraduate courses in two different universities paid by none other than my parents, and I should be grateful right?... right? The thing is that I can't help to have this bittersweet feeling that I am never gonna be able to be independent, to be me.


This paragraph feels like a punch in the gut. The narrator has to study the courses her parents want her to take, or they'll be disappointed or angry with her.

I can't back down now, firstly because they've made sure to make it seem like my career choices were made by me and not by them, and secondly because I have nowhere else to go. How many universities would accept me with my mediocre grades? How many universities would give me a scholarship? I'll tell how many, zero.

So I am trapped, with no hope of escaping writing this in the middle of the night in hope of someone to hear my screams for help. To take this bag of expectations away from me. To let me dream and be me, with my flaws, my instability, and my mediocre high school grades. To let me breathe.


I love this ending. It leaves an impact on the reader. Great job!
Valkyria




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Wed Sep 01, 2021 12:57 pm
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ForeverYoung299 wrote a review...



Heyy! Forever here with a review!

First and foremost, welcome to YWS. Hope you have a great time here :)

And now to the story:

Me, personally I seek greatness too but I always feel lost and overwhelmed by everything

The 'me' seems to be a bit odd here. Just remove it. The sentence will be the very same without this "me"
Since I started high school my parents had pushed me to decided "what I wanted to be when I grow up" as if a twelve-year-old has ANY idea of what the outside world is all about, as if children have the capacity to determine the course of their lives as such a young age

Decide not "decided"

Now to the story itself. I think it was quite good and a very very relatable piece of writing to many people. So, this appears to be an account of your life and your choices, expectations and their results. It's a worldwide problem with these carrier pursuing. It's really sad how thousands and hubdreds of dreams are crushe everyday and the people become depressed. The way you started the story made me think something philosophical is going to happen but it took a different turn. Here we also get a brief account of so-called typical stepdad. Although you mentioned that they are good from their own side, you made the readers realize that they aren't taking into account their expectations from you. And as for the writing career, well, it's such a hugely spread belief that the career of writing is not very safe and secure... I don't understand why... These people are apparently wrong. The story quite had a depressing tone . I really like the last line of the story where you appealed to your readers to make you free of all the bounds and fences around you. The most intriguing thing was the title. I thought it would be a ghost story. However, though it wasn't a ghost story, it turned out to be quite a horror story...

Overall, it was quite a great story.

Keep Writing!!

~Forever

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Wed Sep 01, 2021 10:43 am
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HarryHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: So, this was a really intriguing piece here. A very powerful piece that you've gotten together here. Its showing some pretty big issues in this one person's life and doing a really good job of portraying how everything looks through their eyes here.

Anyway let's get right to it,

It's crazy to think of the number of people that live out there, that you yourself are such a tiny part of the world. What I have learned since I was a kid was that everybody seeks greatness in their own way, everybody wants to feel that they matter, that they've made something significant in this vast world full of tiny people.

Me, personally I seek greatness too but I always feel lost and overwhelmed by everything... like I'm not good enough to achieve what I want. You see, it's hard to follow the things that you want when there is this constant voice telling you that you can't or that you shouldn't. Well in this case that voice was my parents, specifically, my mum and my stepdad.


Well...this is a very intriguing starting point right there, certainly a powerful one this, one that manages to pretty quickly get your attention right there, the start with how one can feel small and yet seek greatness, before jumping in and cutting through there with the fact that this person appears to not be able to do that because of their parents...that one definitely works at being a pretty strong start right there.

Don't get me wrong they are good people... in their own way. It's just that they've always pushed me to have good grades, to be skinnier, to be prettier, to behave like a lady, and to have realistic expectations in life.


Well...that's an interesting detail to slip in there. Its not something that you run into too often on stories with themes like this, but I love how this now lends an extra depth to the whole situation here because we've got this person realizing the point of view of the parents and their view and well we can see the issues there, but the fact that this person hasn't immediately just fully blamed their parents shows a lot about their characters.

Look, I know I'll probably never be someone that is going to be remembered for their literary works like Jane Austen or Virginia Woolf, or be remembered as a beautiful and amazing actress like Audrey Hepburn to the point where people are going to write songs about me, one would think that it is allowed to have those silly dreams. Yet, in my case, I was never allowed to. Since I started high school my parents had pushed me to decided "what I wanted to be when I grow up" as if a twelve-year-old has ANY idea of what the outside world is all about, as if children have the capacity to determine the course of their lives as such a young age. But I wanted to make my parents happy with my career choice for the future so I said that I wanted to be a lawyer. Only if I knew what I was getting into.

Years and years and years of constant reminder of my career choice, as if I would forget, my parents constantly made sure to let everybody know that I was going to be a lawyer.


Well, yeah, here we go, no we're starting to see signs of how that mindset by the parents ended up affecting this person here...and its a very realistic depiction right here...you can see how much this person's goals have been pushed back or destroyed entirely while the parents appear to have already planned out their life for them.

However, I am a very unstable person so they didn't take into account the periods in my life where my academic grades would fall or that two years where I was extremely depressive but for them, it was just a teenage phase that I should have to get over with.

So, how did I end up? With mediocre grades that apparently define my future because THAT is all universities care about. That's also the reason why they're so damn expensive.


Okay...well this going quite far down with this one here, you can see that this person has suffered some actual mental illnesses there as a result of all the pressure that comes from school being added on top of the expectations from their parents here.

All my dreams were crushed and left behind with huge expectations on my shoulders. Why do I not mention what my dreams were? Because they are extremely irrelevant. Nowadays I am studying two undergraduate courses in two different universities paid by none other than my parents, and I should be grateful right?... right? The thing is that I can't help to have this bittersweet feeling that I am never gonna be able to be independent, to be me.


Well, this is really headed into some interesting territory, here we're getting the picture of a protagonist that's fining themselves in a very difficult state of being here and you're really doing an awesome job here in painting those emotions quite clearer for us as readers to really be able to feel the situation there are in and that certainly makes you invested in a story here.

I can't back down now, firstly because they've made sure to make it seem like my career choices were made by me and not by them, and secondly because I have nowhere else to go. How many universities would accept me with my mediocre grades? How many universities would give me a scholarship? I'll tell how many, zero.

So I am trapped, with no hope of escaping writing this in the middle of the night in hope of someone to hear my screams for help. To take this bag of expectations away from me. To let me dream and be me, with my flaws, my instability, and my mediocre high school grades. To let me breathe.


We have ourselves a pretty powerful ending right there...I like how it almost seems to somewhat summarize the major points of all the emotions discussed earlier and then leave it hanging there at the end, all for us to digest there.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

Overall: Overall, this is a really solid piece that you've got right here...you can easily understand what this person and it really sends across a powerful message. Aaand that's about all I've gotta say for now. :D

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry




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Sun Aug 29, 2021 10:20 am
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RandomTalks wrote a review...



Hello!

RandomTaalks here with a short review!

First of all, welcome to YWS! Hope you have an amazing time here.

Now on to the story! What I liked most about this story, is the voice. It has such a strong and passionate voice, that makes you stop and listen, even if the problem is not yours and you can't possibly relate. I think that is very important in literary works. Even if they are not perfect, they should have a voice. And you have managed this with ease.

You have maintained a very good flow and you have stuck to the same pace throughout the story. That is also remarkable, especially because this is mostly a narration of thoughts and we often tend to get distracted or sidetracked when dealing with those. I think what you have mostly pulled out in this story, is the narrator's frustration with her parents controlling every aspect of her life. She longs for independence, she longs to make decisions for herself and not just to appease other people. But most of all she wants to be who she is without the world telling her that she needs to be someone else. I think you have portrayed that very brilliantly in this story.

Some other points:

What I have learned since I was a kid was that everybody seeks greatness in their own way, everybody wants to feel that they matter, that they've made something to matter in this vast world full of tiny people.

You use the word 'matter' in the same sentence in the same context and I think it sounds a bit repetitive. Maybe you could replace it with some other synonym?

Look, I know I'll probably never be someone that is going to be remembered for its literary works like Jane Austen or Virginia Woolf,

You use 'it' in order to refer to yourself, and even if you don't want to mention the gender, I think 'their' works better. Also, yes, it's Audrey Hepburn not Humphrey!

Since I started high school my parents had pushed me to decided "what I wanted to be when I grow up" as if a twelve-year-old has ANY idea of what the outside world is all about as if children have the capacity to determine the course of their lives as such a young age.

Insert a comma after 'about', otherwise the sentence seems to run on without the necessary pause and it becomes a little difficult to read.

that two years were I was extremely depressive but for them,

the 'were' will be 'where'.

That's all.

This was a strong and powerful piece. It can use a little editing, but all in all, this was great.

Keep writing and have a great day!




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Sun Aug 29, 2021 9:02 am
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MailicedeNamedy wrote a review...



Hi mags26,

Mailice here with a short review! :D

Welcome to YWS! I hope you will have a lot of fun here! :D

This was definitely not a type of story I would have expected with this title, and yet I am very taken with the word choice and descriptions you give here. It sounds like a lament, almost like a letter to yourself, and I think you've managed very well to turn this text into something that shows depth and regret, but also the feeling of being too dependent on your parents. I think that's the biggest problem the narrator has here; she's too independent of the parents and she'd have to learn to work around that. She's not meant to do what they say once she reaches a certain age, otherwise she develops too much in the direction of being a kind of adult child. You portray that well in some paragraphs.

I think another problem is that the narrator sets her expectations too high. You manage very well to introduce this kind of dilemma in the first paragraphs and how the girl is no different from other people who strive for greatness. It just seems that way, and that's something she probably can't grasp because she was brought up in such a way by her parents that many greats who are known by name today have made it on their own.

I very much felt that the narrator is always caught in this dilemma, which is actually her head, where she repeats to herself the words that her parents taught her, creating a sense of guilt. The comparison with greats like Virginia Woolf, for example, also shows me that she wants to climb the ladder a little too quickly and loses a few rungs as a result.

You've done a really good job of putting it into words and making it look structured and interesting too. I like that this voice that you can read out of the text is not striving for pity, but has more of a subconscious anger that presents itself here. Whether the anger is directed at the parents or herself is hard to decide, because the narrator also mentions that the parents were not bad, just stubborn. Of course, it's very hard to form an opinion when you only see this perspective, and not just that of the parents, because if someone tells you that rainy days aren't nice, that doesn't immediately mean that they are also unattractive. You can have fun on such days too. You do a really good job of portraying that kind of thinking here.

I can summarise by saying that I enjoyed the story. I thought you presented it well and also described it in a great field without it being too much or too little.

One thing I noticed while reading:

amazing actress like Audrey Humphrey

Actually, Audrey is called Hepburn. :D You have probably mixed it up with Humphrey Bogart.

Have fun writing!

Mailice





He knew that elbow.
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