Pitter-patter, pitter-patter,
sounds like soft feet.
Falling between the earth and the sky.
Crashing when they meet.
Grey fog floats everywhere,
covering the view.
Nothing can be seen,
Except me and you.
You are always there,
through the hurt and the pain.
You stand by me and I by you.
All the while you keep me sane.
In the end,
I’ll say one last thing.
Thank your rain,
for everything.
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Hi. This is Kman134. I'm here to review your work.
I love the rain. I love how it grazes against my skin and would refuse to use an umbrella, only when it gets really heavy and didn't want to get too soaked. It was like being in my natural element.
Pitter-patter, pitter-patter,
sounds like soft feet.
Falling between the earth and the sky.
Crashing when they meet.
This was my favorite part in the story. I loved how you anthropomorphize the rain, saying that it sounded like soft feet hitting your house and feeling the nostalgia of it crashing when it the sky meets the earth. it gives the story a sense of drama and life as the reader examines the sentences.
Anyways, this was a great read. I hope you right more.
Its been awhile since I have reviewed, so give me some leeway. Please? No? Ok... moving on!
Hello, E.J here for a possibly quick review and maybe some utter nonsense! Grim is here as well, drinking hot cocoa and being a slacker. *Grim looks over, glaring* So, lets get started!
RAIN. I LOVE RAIN. And snow! What are your thoughts on snow? I would love to know! (hehe, that rhymed).Anyways, on to the actual reviewing!
First things first, either capitalize all sentences at the start, or don't. Same with deciding if you're going to have proper grammar or not in a poem. Sentences that need capitalization at the start would be "sounds like soft feet.", "through the hurt and the pain." and "for everything." The line "Except me and you" will sound clearer if you switch me and you. It's grammatically correct if you switch them as well. Otherwise, it's all clear! I loved the onimanapea (please help me with that spelling, by Talos), at the start, lovely introduction for a rain poem!
Overall, I liked the poem and keep up the good work! Hope you have a good summer! I really need to go now, Grim has souls to reap and he needs more cocoa. He has a problem, seriously. Annnd I think he brought a dinosaur to life. Great. Anyways, Cheerio and fruit loops to you!
Hello there, magiccharm2002 !!
This is Eros here with a review for for this sweet little piece of poetry by you !!
This was a unique description of rain with a romantic touch to it. There were pure feelings described in the poem. I loved the pitter patter wording. And I also very much loved the wordings of the line,
Especially loved the I by you part of the line.
I like the thing that the theme was very simple. But I got to see another perspective of the rains.
I personally used to associate rains with lots of mosquitos, vectors like the flies, then ...moist and humidity, the dirty puddles etc. But after I read this poem and after I wrote a short story about romance in the rain, I started to feel that there is yet another and such a beautiful side to the rains.
I loved your thoughts. Another most important and most obeautiful thingn is that the language in which you have described the scenes ...and the feelings, is very simple and easy to understand. This makes the message or the thoughts reach upto the reader in a very easy manner.
The flow of the poem was very smooth. No suggestions...
Overall, I love the poem.
Keep writing such beautiful poetries and other stuff and we would love to keep reading them. And reviewing them !!
~Eros.
This is a beautiful poem! However, based on the description, I thought this poem would just be about rain! I love the comparison between two people and fog. You are also very good at rhyming words. Although, you cant rhyme "thing" with a word like "everything". It just sounds wrong.
You are an amazing writer and I'm excited to watch you grow on here.
Thank you! Ya I kind of agree with the last rhyme as well. I was having some difficulty coming up with the right word
Radrook here a once again to offer some suggestions.
Apologies if i offend. It isn’t my intention.
Please feel full free to cast aside all things you deem not helpful.
But if you do be sure its true by being extra careful.
That having been said:
Thanks for sharing this poem about two persons who support one another through times compared to fog and rain. The poem ends with the speaker thanking the rain because it provided the opportunity for them both to be so supportive of one another. Very good point. Without bad times to provide the opportunity then hope could true friendships prove true? Only when hardships arrive is the true nature of a relationship revealed-sometimes negatively when the other person turns traitor or as in this case with support and loyalty. During such times of distress one might indeed feel that only one exists and no one else. Psychological pain can do that. That’s how I understand the reference to they being the only ones visible in the fog.
Suggestions
My suggestions are based on improving flow of thohght and readability.
Pitter-patter, pitter-patter[!]
[S]ounds like soft feet
[f]alling between the earth sky[,]
[c]rashing when they meet.
-
Grey fog floats everywhere,
covering the view.
Nothing can be seen,
[e]xcept [for] me and you.
-
You are always there,
through hurt and the pain. [The words “hurt" and “pain” seem redundant.]
You stand by me and I by you.
All the while you keep me sane.
-
In the end,
I’ll say one last thing.
[“]Thank [you] rain,
for everything.[”]
Looking forward to reading more of your poetry.
Thanks again for the the great advice. I%u2019ll defiantly keep those changes in mind when editing.
Sorry, I was typing on my phone and it came out weird.
Those symbols appear out of nowhere when I type on my computer as well. I think it is a forum glitch since it doesn't happen anywhere else.