Rubbernecking

by madisonfrevert

Published March 17, 2015

E - Everyone

In Poetry Attempts

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Why is it that our eyes light up

    At tragedy and pain?

When mishap strikes relentlessly,

    It's hard to break one's gaze.

                                

Be it a building up in flames,

    Or ship that fails to sail,

A plane too heavy to take flight,

    Or train that's been derailed,

                                  

There's something in disaster

    That captivates the brain.

Perhaps that's why when our eyes met,

    You could not look away.

Comments & reviews · 8
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sharoze Comment
sharoze commented Comment · Mar 22, 2015

This is wonderful work :)

Thank you so much!!

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RoyalHighness
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RoyalHighness commented Comment · Mar 20, 2015

I love this poem! What a punch at the end, and such clear, concise and cutting imagery with simple diction, no bells or whistles, just simple elegance. Lovely, can't wait to read more!

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RoyalHighness
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RoyalHighness commented Comment · Mar 20, 2015

I love this poem! What a punch at the end, and such clear, concise and cutting imagery with simple diction, no bells or whistles, just simple elegance. Lovely, can't wait to read more!

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Charizard821
Review
Charizard821 wrote a review Review · Mar 19, 2015

Certainly an interesting piece (though I was somewhat lost on the title). As far as grammar and sentence fluency goes, I have no issues to take up. It's amazing how short poems such as this can truly reach into the heart of humanity and attempt to scratch the surface of why we, as humans, do what we do, when we do it. Perhaps the reasons are very philosophical, or laid out quite clearly, but are for some reason invisible to us. Who can say? All I can say is, well done on this poem.

RituparnaBhowmik wrote a review Review · Mar 18, 2015

this poem is the true reflection of how selfish we are, i taste a tough of Shakespeare in word thought that we gain pleasure at others sorrow. the poem is really beautiful brief but compact. I specially like the last line as i works as a good punchline, however i would suggest only one problem- the last line is not really in sink with the remaining poem. i get your thought [ which is beautiful ] and the last line is a stand alone perfection too. but in this poem i don't really get the connection of this with the rest.I would definitely like an explanation for this.
all in all the poem is really great and holds a mirror before us showing how awful we have ended.
keep writing,
looking forward to more of your works,
Rituparna

Hi! Thank you for the review (: I was simply trying to convey how humans seem to be drawn in or intrigued by disastrous things, though they might be failures or tragedies. I was trying to portray how we not only do that with inanimate things, but with people too. :)

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Corncob
Review
Corncob wrote a review Review · Mar 18, 2015

Hey madisonfrevert,
Wow, this is awesome! I totally see why it's featured. It has great rhyming, spectacular flow, and cool imagery. Outstanding job!
I like how this wasn't just about humans, it was about you being a disaster, and someone looking at you. The ending stanza really blew me away and put the poem in a whole 'nother category for me.
I also like how this wasn't condescending or superior, which it could have easily been. It simply wondered aloud in an almost neutral way, which I loved.
Well, that wasn't much of a review, was it? This is great. That's all I really want to say.
Overall rating: 10/10
Keep writing!
+1

Thank you so much!! I really appreciate it (:

Of course---thank you for writing! :D

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Tuesday
Review
Tuesday wrote a review Review · Mar 17, 2015

Hello CapitalMonday here for a review. i like to begin on how this poem has a great message of today's life or how we see things when the worst it happening. Also I think there is an beat to this poem since there are internal rhymes (when i love poems like that.)

Nitpick(s):

Be it a building up in flames
I think you might want a common before -it, since it looks like and read like a continuous stanza. Adding the comma, with seem like it being used a breathe or something.


Overall, I think we could all relate since when we something horrible happen in this world past-time (or present-times) we sit and watch the world end, while smiling thinking how that might not happen to us. Also at the end, I love how you say
Perhaps that's why when our eyes met,/ You could never look away

Since you are saying that you are disaster and whenever someone looks at you, you think you are a like a ship that cannot set sail or something.

Farewell,
CapitalMonday

rachellecarter wrote a review Review · Mar 17, 2015

I don't know why, but your poem really spoke to me. Actually, I do know why. But I'm here to review, not throw a pity party. So here is what I think. This poem is great. It is very true and even though it is short, it only needs a few changes.

The line "Perhaps that's why when our eyes met" felt a little awkward to me. It is just one syllable too long. There isn't much you can do about that without altering the feeling, so you don't have to change it. I just thought you should know.

Thanks for writing this.

Rachelle



"Who am I? I'm just a writer. I write things down. I walk through your dreams and invent the future."
— Richard Siken