Dear Dolly, I think you've upset her
Her green eyes are tinted blue
A sadness as strong as the ocean's waves
Has changed their natural hue.
Your porcelain complexion reminds her
Of her baby girl's pallid skin
When her blood ran as cold as the frigid air
And her life blew away with the wind.
Your motionless eyes prompt a memory
Of the short time they had alone.
When the light burned out in her baby's eyes,
The life drained from her own.
Your little lace gown makes her sadly recall
The dress she stained with tears
When she laid her ear to the infant's chest
And silence confirmed her fears.
Oh Dolly, her heart has no room for me
Only the baby–so innocent and pure.
Now all I have is you, a forsaken toy,
That was supposed to belong to her.
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140,229 Literary Works • 673,048 Reviews
Hi Madisonfrevert, Darkthorn here for a review.
Simply put, this is AMAZING!!!!!!!
It is an exceptionally well crafted masterpiece. It is saddening and heart-felt, and speaks to the reader on a very deep level. The vision you place in the imagination is not just vivid, but alive.
The placement of the third line in the first stanza, pulls the entire stanza together. This persists into the remaining stanzas and creates amazing consistence.
There is truly nothing to complain about with this piece of art. You are an amazing writer, truly an idol amongst lesser writers such as myself.
Thank you for sharing this beauty with us.
~Darkthorn
Wow you are too kind...thank you so much for your feedback
I never thought that this piece would provoke such a response...that is one of the many things I love about this site!
We, as humans, tend to under appreciate ourselves. Its only natural.
If you have time take a look at some of my work. Would love feedback from you.
That was so sad. In a good way though. I loved it!!!! It was really deep. Definatly keep up the WONDERFUL work!!!! You are an amazing writer! Much better than me of course! XD I am probably the worst writer on here. So keep up the good work! You are a rolemodel!!!! I am extremely happy now that I have read your poem. Please, Please,Please keep up the wonderful work!!!.
Thank you so much!
Everyone on this website is simply amazing. It is the only site where I have actually been able to get feedback on anything I've written...you don't know how much your comment means to me!