you say i'm in a cycle
i know that to be true
i have to paint with "new colors"
but they are muddy
~
i'm being "ridiculous"
why can't just i just "talk" to you
take a look at all you've done
how could i trust that?
~
my tongue is dry
is it gone?
i don't have this in me
i cannot speak
~
what do you want from me?
i'm being a "child"
yes.
that is exactly what i am.
~
"get out--" that's what i need to do
"--out of your comfort zone"
i am tired. i can't do that.
not yet. i need time.
~
please don't touch me
your hand is a weight
on my shoulder
i cannot bear it
~
i want to sleep
it's been a hard week
i can't listen right now
"No. you will."
~
you speak
long
slow
loud.
~
i'm not "thinking"
use "logic"
i was sad for one week
guess i can't do that anymore
~
my "performance doesn't define me"
then why are you doing this
so harshly
i must not cry
~
there is a fire in my eyes
i am angry at this hypocrisy
i was doing fine
then you criticized
~
i have straight A's
i don't smoke or do drugs; not like the others
i am a good kid
not good enough.
~
i can't talk to you
it hurts
"tomorrow? next week? next month?" no.
never.
~
i have so many things i want to say
they don't come out
stuck in my stomach
you are frustrated.
~
your voice pounds
though you don't raise it
i can't hear myself think
it's too loud.
~
how much longer
will you keep me here?
the tears begin to trickle
then they pour.
~
i'm not responding anymore
my train of thought;
i don't know where it went
i think it crashed.
~
you wave your hands
in exasperation
i yell.
i have never done that before.
~
my voice is a scream
wet. choked out
by the tears
i cannot breathe
~
my head hurts
my stomach churns
i am burning
you are angry.
~
my words bubble out
boiling hot
they also burn
your eyes have fire now, too.
~
my passions
you take
you guilt me
this is not right
~
i want nothing
that is all i ask
i now hurt more than before
are you satisfied?
~
i wrap myself in blankets
where i am safe
i don't want to hear this any more
you rip them away.
~
"fine. sleep"
now i lay awake
crying quietly
i cannot let you hear.
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140,115 Literary Works • 673,018 Reviews
Howdy hey! I’m here to leave a review.
I assume this poem must be about someone who doesn’t have a good relationship with their parents. Their parents set very high standards (“I have straight a’s / I don’t smoke or do drugs; not like the others”) and yet their child still isn’t meeting these standards. The child is trying to fight back against these high standards, but in the end they just give up.
I personally have a good relationship with my parents, but this really put things into a perspective for someone who’s never experienced things mentioned in the poem. I really love the emotion put into this. I think the formatting actually worked well here.
I really hope you recover from what you’re going through!
—GengarIsBestBoy
Wow, this. I felt this. I think especially after my parents divorce it's been hard to have a good conversation with my dad. And BOY did you capture this feeling.
So I guess first I'll say, I love the structure, it goes from the starting feelings beginning to grow, to the outburst that led to this argument. I think the flow adds to the raw emotion. When you transition from sort of a sad feeling to complete anger I think you said it p e r f e c t l y
Saying it crashed. Wow. It's true, arguments are never led by logical thought, there is no thought anymore, just words you never really wanted to say spilling out before you know what you said. What a beautiful, emotional, poem. It makes me realize and feel so much.
Normally I would suggest grammatical errors, structure, or give some editing tip. But this piece is so raw that I think it would do more harm to edit it to much. Then you begin to loose the meaning. So all I will say is thank you for this
Keep writing!
~quill
Heyo! PapaSupremacy here for a review!
I liked this a lot! Thanks so much for writing this and I can't wait to read more from you!
This poem was AWESOME. I don't have the best relationship with my father, so this poem hit home for me. It seems like a lot of fathers say lots of the same things lol.
Anyway, here are some glows:
I like the stanza set-up you have! It seems like isolated events that keep building and building until it finally bubbles over. The poem is filled with attempted good contacts with your father until the last line:
"I cannot let you hear"
That line basically says "alright Dad, I give up. You wanted me to leave, I'll leave." I like the execution of your story and how it led to that point.
I like the second to last stanza as well, the one where you felt safe and he ripped it away. Thats very symbolic and telling and I loved that!
The simple lines also portray this story well. Its not complex what you're feeling, its just three-five word lines of pain and sorrow.
I don't have any grows for ya
Thanks so much for the review
Glad you liked it!
I didn't think the formatting was weird at all! Actually, I thought it flowed really well.
This poem really spoke to me, especially the lines about not letting him hear you cry. Unfortunately, that is something that I have some experience with. I also loved that you mentioned the hypocrisy that most fights like this have, as I think that that's a very important detail.
Overall, this was a gorgeous and well-written poem, and an amazingly raw depiction of anger mixed with sadness. Thank you so much for sharing!
Thanks for the review
glad you liked it!
i know the formatting weird and there's like no rhythm whatsoever it was more of a brain barf so eh.