Trying To Save Her

Well done!

Wow, nice poem. Great job

Hello there music! Dogs here with your review today. Ok, this is a nice piece, it makes me think of the movie Johnny Depp was just in... something shadows... I can't quite remember. I think the only two problems I have with this piece is 1: the repetition of "she," I'm not entirely sure how you can get around that. It just seems like it starts so many of your lines, maybe try rearranging the wording somehow.

The other thing is the grammar, of course grammar is entirely up to the writer. However, I would argue that especially in poetry grammar is entirely necessary. Reading this piece I had lots of troubles figuring out where lines end and where commas should be, it just makes your writing a little difficult to read. For example, in the first stanza it should be something more like:

"I see her standing there,
on the brink of the abyss.
Teetering on the edge,
unsure whether she should
let herself fall or not."

You should also add in that "or not" bit to the end, because when you say "whether" in a sentence, it immediately implies a comparison.

I think you should add in some more dramatic tension and describe the narrator running through the woods, branches scratching at his face to desperately save his love. Yet doesn't get there in time, whatever works.

"She's given up on herself"

I think this is an instance where you've started too many lines with "She's," maybe try saying something like: "Giving up on herself, she.." or something along those lines.

All and all a good piece of work, I enjoyed reading your writing. Nice imagery and description and what not. Just add in some grammar and you'll be looking good. I hope my comments where helpful, let me know if you ever need a review! Keep up the good work!

TuckEr EllsworTh

I enjoyed the poem because of the darkness to it. Most of these stories have happy endings, but in real life that is not necessarily true. I do have to agree with the others, make it longer. It is very well written and I would love to know how he feels after she is gone.

I like the story of this poem. i think you should put more depth into the story. this kind of story is very typical. I have read a lot of poems like this but still you did a pretty good job.

I Like it, mainly because I love drama and tragedy. Hmm idk, but I thought that this was an interesting piece mainly for the dark processing that this poem took, but hey I liked it. It maybe could have been a little more intuitive, I don't know if that's the right word, but it can be improved is what I'm trying to say. Still I like it and think it's amazing already, it just could be a little more descriptive and emotional.

Very dark, I was expecting the person to save her not let her fall. Its good overall but, it lacks length I feel like it could go on longer. I have to say the nice use of words. But please add on to this I would like to see more