Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,022 Literary Works • 672,759 Reviews
Wow!!!
I honestly can not believe how amazing this poem is. I have read it over a few times trying to find something that I can comment on to help make this poem better, but honestly there is nothing I can find. This is such an uplifting poem that I want to print it out and read it every day! This sounds like something that I would read in a book of poems and just reread it over and over just in awe of how perfect it is. The only criticism I have is that you didn't make it longer so I could have spent longer reading it.
I would also like to point out that you should be a song writer. Honestly, if this was a song it would be constantly playing on my computer. It just flows so nicely that was one of the first things that I could think after I came out of the awestruck state that reading this poem put me in.
GREAT JOB and keep up the amazing work!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So, I'm in a weird position. I can't really say much about this. I'm sort of awed by you right now. The flow of this was amazing (I legit read/sung it out to myself) and it worked. I only got hung up a little bit when I mixed around love and live in the last stanza--words close together in multiple ways--but that's about it.
Anyway, it had a beat. A steady, but intense beat. With some poems, I think I slow down reading. In this one, I sped up. The second stanza tripped me up a little, but otherwise I breezed through. I wanted to read it. Finish it. So I rather devoured it in about a minute. Maybe.
The only suggestion I have is to maybe make the second stanza make more sense. I'm having a weird Icarus/there is no air in space moment right now. Maybe I'm being a dork nitpicking that, but, anyway, it bothered me a little bit. The hyperbole bothered me for being factually incorrect. I may have a problem.
Anyway, I liked it. It was quite certainly lyrical. Simplistic in some ways, but it made one feel a lot.
Keep writing,
Cas.
This poem was excellent!
My favourite part:
I am trying to say that I loved the entire poem but with my ironic self quoted the entire thing... lol!
Great work, keep it up!
lovethemusic,
I think you captured this feeling/emotion really well throughout this piece and all in all, the images, the rhythm, the flow all was executed and nicely done. I actually love that first stanza, last line. The word "pin" there, just hit me with a puncture - strong word-choice.
Lovely piece
I absolutely love the images throughout as well. This was a cute poem :3 It made me happy, and it's actually refreshing to read something like this amidst all the angst and melodrama. There's not enough self-love stuff out there.
All of that being said, I do have some suggestions for improvement. A lot of this is structured in the same way, each stanza beginning "I want..." and I got tired of it half-way through. You don't need to reintroduce the desire to me again and again, just dive straight into the image! It'll give it more crisp and more flow.
Also, try to steer away from cliches.
The problem with cliches is that with each continued use, it begins to lose all meaning. Sometimes when writers embark on using metaphors and figurative language, the cliches are the first thing to come to mind. When we want to say this boy has some blue eyes - the first thing we think of? Blue as the sky, blue as the ocean. Bonus points if you put some meaningless adjective in there. Blue as the everlasing sky. Blue as the deepest ocean. Try to play with it though. Don't be afraid to be inventive and unusual. These are the things that will stick to our minds as readers and make your poem memorable. As blue as a two-year-old's popsicle licking lips.
Hope this helps. Let me know if you have any other questions.
~ as always, Audy
I love this peom!! ^^
The good poems are the ones that can speak to many diffrent people, and this one can diffinetly relate to many ^^
I love the flow, because this is free style and even though it might sound easy, it really isn't but you keep a goos flow and it doesn't change ^^
It has very good imagery that speaks to the imagination, letting it connect visuals to ideas and feelings ^^ That is the point of poems, no?
I love it ^^
I really like the description in much of you stanzas. Poetry is always hard to judge not just because it is personal but also because each person 'should' take something away from it that is different each time. I say 'should' because poetry is supposed to connect and share emotion in a way that it can't normal be expressed any other way. That being said I thought that the last stanza was very generic. Any hipster could come up with it and it could apply to anything, not just specifically your poem. I realize you were trying to say something meaningful and wrap up your work nicely; however, it just didn’t seem to work. Now, I don’t want to be all serious and mean; most of what you wrote was wonderful. I loved your description of the light shattering on your skin along with the description of stars of shimmering ice. It gives it an interesting feeling that being combined in this way makes me feel exhilarated and happy. I believe your poem just deserves a better ending. I know, if you give it enough time to come to you, that you’ll be able to get a really good finishing touch. Keep writing, I love your work!
*your* at the top. I hate word, it never shows you if you forgot to add 'r'
I love this! It's well written, pretty, and shows what you feel!
I would recommend adding more description. Example, I want desperately instead of just I want.
Instead of light shatter on my skin, maybe warm light shatter on my skin.
Also, to help the flow, I might consider changing the last few lines to "love and sing, laugh and cry" to help balance it better, but that's up to you.
Love how lighthearted it is! Great job!