Por Una Cabeza
1936
by lovethelifeulive
He pushed her against the side of the building as they laughed.
“I didn’t know you could dance so well.” He chuckled.
“Me neither!” She smiled as he came closer to her. He put his hand around her waist and looked into her face.
He looked at her with a sparkle in his eyes. "I love you, Lena." he sighed.
She smiled and put her hands on his face and grazed her fingers over his lips before they kissed. It was the kind of kiss that made your heart beat fast. It was the kind of kiss that was in every romance. They stayed there on the side of the building, in front of the street. Until he pulled away.
“Michael…”
“I am sorry, I forgot.” He said.
“Michael,” She stopped him. “I don’t care anymore. I don’t care about who sees us. I don’t care if Viktor sees us, or even if Alessandra sees us.” She grinned and said, “I love you. Que importa perderme.”
“No matter the lose.” He repeated with a smile.
She knew he would be at the train station at 5 o’clock, so she ran there before he left. Viktor had found out, and made a deal. He promised he wouldn’t kill either of the two, if Michael went back to Spain, back to his wife, Alessandra, and never come back. And that Lena came back to Viktor. Michael sat alone on a bench by the tracks, he didn’t see her coming, and didn’t expect her. At that moment he wished that she would come to say goodbye somehow, even though he knew it would be impossible.
“Michael.” She sighed in relief. “You haven’t left yet.”
He stood slowly and looked at her.
“Stay right there, Lena. I want to remember how you look. You know, we might never see each other again.” He said, memorizing her red lipstick and green eyes, her blond hair and black dress.
“Don’t say that.” Little tears fell down her face. “No. It’s not true. I know it.” He walked up to her and held her as he silently wiped the tears away. “I know we will be together someday.” She continued. “I know it.” She put her arms around him and cried. He said nothing he didn't want to lie to her, and tell they would be together. He whispered "I love you" and she whispered the same in reply. He held her to him, and let her cry, before pulling away and holding her chin up.
“Otra vez, quiero besar.” He said, looking into her eyes.
She nodded. “I want to kiss once more.” She repeated with a smile. I would tell you about the kiss. But you can imagine for yourself. You can imagine the passion, and the heartbreak that was in that bittersweet kiss. You can imagine her tears on his cheek and his hands gripping her shoulders tightly. You can imagine. Maybe the train would find a reason not to come, and he would stay. Maybe she would leave with him. Maybe they would run away and live happily ever after.
The train came and she watched him walk away.
Lena lied in bed, with big, thick blankets over her, and a book in her hand.
“Don’t tell me you are reading that American garbage.” Viktor said, walking into the room with a drunken grin plastered on his face.
“Why are you smiling like that, Viktor? Did you have too much to drink?” she frowned, disgusted, looking over her book. Viktor stood over her and pulled an envelope out of his jacket.
“That and we have just received a letter from Spain.” He chuckled, waiving it in front of her face.
“You cruel man! Why must you torture me?” she pleaded.
“I thought you might want to know.” He said giving her the letter.
She looked at his face as she took the letter out of the envelope. She continued to glance at him between sentences as she read. “This is from Alessandra.” She said.
“Yes, she wrote that Michael and herself are having their second child. Of course to the business, to postpone their return to continue working.” Viktor smiled.
Lena stared at the paper and let a small tear drip down her face. She felt betrayed. She never forgot him, his lips and his black hair, his charms and his kind brown eyes.
"You must be very upset that you just lost two employees."
“It’s been years, Lena.” Viktor said, caressing her cheek. “Let him go.”
“Don’t you have a mistress to pursue?” Lena spat.
“Of course I do.” He smiled. “But you are the main course.” She pushed him off of her, but he simply returned with a drunken kiss. She bit his tongue and shoved him away. He stared at her with blood dripping down his chin.
"You will pay for that, maya lubemia." he spat in Russian. He took her book and threw it in the fireplace, laughing as he stormed out.
She shrank deeper into the thick pillows and cried as she watched the book Michael had given her burn in the fire.
“I love you, Lena. I could never love anyone else. I was stupid to leave.” They held each other inside the car. How they were together, will be one of many exformations of the story.
She pulled away, still holding his beautiful, godly face in her hands.
“Promise me, Michael, that you will never leave me again. I have hurt too much for a goodbye I am not watching again.”
He took her face in his hands and promised.
Upstairs, three blonde little girls watched through the window.
“Papa. What is she doing?” the eldest daughter asked. Viktor put down the newspaper and looked out the window before running downstairs. A shot interrupted their kiss, and the driver fell over dead. They only had time to look behind them, and find Viktor. Lena took his hand, and pushed Michael and herself out of the car and ran through the wet streets as gunshots followed behind them. Suddenly, Michael let out a loud gasp and grabbed his chest, but kept running. He gasped again and then collapsed, bringing Lena with him. She lied on top of him and felt his blood on her hand. Their faces scared as they looked at each other. He held her face and she said goodbye.
Victor stood over her, with a frown on his face.
“You coward.” She seethed. “Why couldn’t you let me go? You could have any woman but you just had to have me.”
“I am no coward.” He said. “You are the whore.”
She spat on him. “Rot in hell.” She replied. He aimed the gun to her heart. The ring of the shot was heard on every street of Moscow.
Satisfied, Viktor walked back down the street.
She lied limp over Michael, he looked at her still face. “If I could, I’d bet everything again.” Michael whispered into her ear.
With her eyes closed, she smiled, “You know you shouldn’t bet.”
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,886 Literary Works • 673,700 Reviews
I'm so in love with this love story, it made me cry how beautifully it was written. It seems so realistic as you see these people that still try to hold onto people when they belong with someone else, even if you yourself are in love with them. Michael and Lena were simply perfect, the scene at the train station reminded me of something I had went through, having to say goodbye to someone, even if you don't want to say it yet. The bittersweet kiss is the one you'd always remember like you would remember the first kiss although with the bittersweet kiss, you'd feel more pain just remembering it. I didn't mind the grammar mistakes because honestly, I was paying attention to the story more, if I read one thing, I wanted to read the rest of it and so I didn't pay attention much to the grammar itself.
Your stories are absolutely lovely, dear and I'm sure I'll be reading more of them over the next few minutes.
Oh my god.I love this story.It made me cry.The lines are so perfectly set and so descriptive and intense ...ahhhh i just love this.I wish there was more to read because i could have read this for as long as it would have been written.I really like the way you have described the love between Lena and Micheal. That stupid Viktor why did he had to kill them, couldn't he just let them go and live their own lives and he himself could live his.I feel so sorry for Lena and Michael.
However a bit more description for the characters would have been better or would have made it easier for the reader to have a clearer picture of the characters.I have to admit i was a bit confused when i started reading it but then i got it. Also you have repeatedly used names of the characters, you might consider using " him or her ".
Towards the end where is says
I think you have made a spelling error; it should be “she laid"
Also hoarsely is spelt wrong.
Overall you have done a superb job.I would rate this 8 out of 10.Keep up the great job.
Hope i helped
Farz
I’m intrigued by this love story. Michael claims to regret leaving Lena the first time: however, he had children with his wife. It appears to me that he moved on, but as soon as he returns –he’s back to wooing the Russian. Makes him appear whimsical and weak-willed, but that may have been my own interpretation –it amused me.
I wish there had been more description of the characters involved: how their appearance emulated their personalities. Many opportunities for this presented itself. For example, in the beginning you referred to the characters –Lena and Michael as “he” and “she”. The repetition did nothing for the story. Instead, you may have referred to Michael as: the dark haired man, the Spaniard, and other such nouns that would’ve given us more information on the man. Lena have been known as the blonde or the Russian (I wasn’t quite sure if she was a native, she did speak some Spanish.) As a reader, it would’ve been appreciated if we were given a hint of the time period for the piece.
The Spanish portion literally states: what does it matter if I lose myself? I assume Lena is referring to losing herself in the passion of their affair –losing her reputation and other such petty things in light of their love. His translation, in this light, makes little sense. If Michael has asked instead: “No matter the loss?” It may have made more sense. Also, when using another language in a piece –it would be greatly appreciated to give some hints as to what it means for those who may not speak the language. Here’s an ideal example:
Roughly translated into: once more, I want to kiss. I notice you have the other character repeat the line. However, I wonder if there may have been a more efficient manner of explaining what the line means. I would’ve utilized Lena by agreeing, “Then why don’t we?” The blonde’s lips collided with his.
In general, I keenly noted there was an abundance of telling and not enough showing.
Michael could’ve said nothing for a few moments. That alone speaks volumes. I questioned your use of “you” breaking down the fourth wall and having our omniscient narrator speak to the audience directly. Personally, I couldn’t imagine all that transpired. As the reader, I didn’t know enough about the relationship to see how invested they were in it. What I know, at this point, is that Viktor is livid and Michael consented to this deal. One last observation about the train scene, when Lena and Michael are speaking –have Michael’s lines start in a new paragraph.
When describing Lena, I would’ve appreciated synonyms for “red lipstick” perhaps scarlet/ruby red/crimson lipstick and “green eyes” with viridian/forest green/emerald/jade. More description would’ve lent more importance to these events. It felt too brief to really hit home.
There were some minor errors in the piece.
To have lied is to have spoken something that is not true –I believe you intended to use lay.
Overall, this story could greatly benefit from sentence structure variety and synonyms to enrich brown to a color with more character such as mahogany or something of that nature. Description would be greatly appreciated. It’s regrettable we never meet Alessandra –in the beginning, I would’ve preferred that they be referred as their spouses. Their importance doesn’t come out till much later (and that’s primarily Viktor’s virulent personality and Alessandra’s capacity to move on from the affair.)