You are about to read a short story by lovethelifeulive. If you are wondering, Beskonechnaya is russian for "Never Ending'. Please enjoy.
It was a cold morning in her city. The rust speckled windows were open and let in the frozen air of winter. The white curtains stirred as the soft air drifted in through them and soothed her sleeping skin. The cold lightly prickled at her and left her goose bumps that caused her to wake.
Her eye lids delicately lifted to reveal tired and sad eyes. She slipped out of her warm, thick sheets and was greeted by her maid who dressed her in a large black gown. She shooed the maid away before covering herself in her cloak and exiting her private chambers though the secret back door.
The door led to a tiny grey staircase which brought her to a small hallway. Once she walked down the hallway and reached the end, she opened the door to the kitchen. The kitchen was bustling with people who were all running around the bubbling pots and butter coated pans. But the moment her foot stepped inside, they all halted.
“ÐÐ¸ÐºÐ¾Ð¼Ñ Ð½Ðµ говоÑиÑе, ÑÑо Ð²Ñ Ð²Ð¸Ð´ÐµÐ»Ð¸ менÑ.” She spoke with assertion. Every syllable that slipped through her lips was alluring and wise. Her simple presence was radiant. She looked pure and young with her porcelain face and red lips.
They silently and obediently nodded at her authority and allowed her to pass through the kitchen. Every step she took was laced with elegance and grace. When she left the kitchen she found herself at the back of the estate. She looked around before she ran into the dark woods behind the castle before anyone could see her.
Once inside and covered by the trees, she looked around, trying to remember her way. Thick frost covered the ground and soaked through her shoes. The bottom of her dress and her underskirts were wet as well, and snowflakes dwindled from the sky.
She decided her direction and walked. She walked with the snow at her feet and the darkness of the forest surrounded her. Through the frost, she walked.
Her pace quickened. She felt as if her mind was drowning in a pool madness. The trees seemed to whisper to her and the sky seemed to be pushing in closer to her. She wanted to scream but couldn’t find her voice, for it was paralyzed in her throat.
When she thought she was going to collapse, she found what she was looking for. It was a small clearing in the woods with stones sticking up from the ground. It was a cemetery.
Large headstones stood up from the ground and statues speckled the grounds. As her eyes rested on a monumental sculpture right in the middle of the clearing her blood raced and her heart nearly stopped.
She glided toward the statue. It was made of a marble that was so black that it almost looked blue. Its figure was towering at a height of nine feet and a width of four. Her feet crunched against the icy frost, distracting her from its face.
Its figure was chiseled and angular. It wore a large cloak that nearly completely covered it. To her, even though it was made of rock, its face looked soft. Its eyes almost looked green and its lips seemed to whisper her name.
Now she was standing in front of it. Every thought except for the sculpture melted away into nothing. Her voice started as a whisper.
"To me, you're the only one. Our love has no end and no beginning. "From a whisper, her voice became strong. Her breath fogged in front of her face as it mixed with the chill air.
"Our love is everything. Without you I have nothing. "Her voice then shook with pain, tears streaming down her soft white cheeks.
"Without you I have lost everything, my shadow, my reflection, my soul. My love for you is infinite in time. I will always stay in your eternal embrace, even after death separates us. As long as I'm still alive my heart and my soul will still belong to you until I see you again in heaven. "
When she finished, she was sobbing. Her lips trembled and her nose was red. She took a step closer to him. Her eyes looked over him until they suddenly stopped at his hands that slightly protruded from his cloak. She took another step and lifted her arm. She slowly dropped her soft hands into his marble ones. Her fingers intertwined with his and she felt as if his hands were as warm and sure as they were when he was alive.
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140,886 Literary Works • 673,700 Reviews
I'd like to start off by saying that you have written this piece very beautifully. I think that you wrote just enough to keep it interesting and that the flow of the words helped with the transitioning between something that held little emotion to something that held the very deep and sad emotion of loss.
Sarah
I love the amount of detail you put into this piece. It worked since it was small but effective and it helped me to picture just enough of the place and the statue to actually feel like I was the girl.
At first, it bothered me a little that you used a different language and did not translate. But as I continued to read and to think about it, I realized that it was actually a very smart thing to do. The (russian?) words were unimportant to the story and the words that were, you made it easy for the reader to understand.
I honestly don't have anything bad to say about this. You did a fantastic job. Keeep on writing.
Okay, I want to start out with something good, so I will say that the movement of your character is crystal clear and I can follow her all the way from her room to the graveyard. That's awesome.
But there are some gaping holes here. For one, I believe a complete story needs some kind of conflict in order to make the reader feel like something's been realized, achieved, or changed. In this story, she wakes up and decides to go to her lover's grave. Nothing really gets in her way. There's this really subtle idea that she's not supposed to be going out there, but she acts like an adult, and I don't know why anyone would tell her not to. In addition, no physical representation of this threat or authority that would hold her back is represented in the text, so I never feel any tension.
The other problem I have is that the adjectives and descriptions you use make everything feel so perfect. I don't know how many times you told us she was delicate and graceful. You made everything about her seem so minced and careful and perfect that I never really believed she was a person, and that upsets me. Why?
Because your ending is actually pretty strong! I love that idea of this person's memory being preserved in the form of a statue, and that it's realistic enough that his lover kinda gets confused when she sits with it. it would be terrible for trying to deal with grief, and in that way it's a strong idea. But if I don't care about this seemingly perfect and unreal woman, I don't care as much as I might about her love. With some background, some flaws, some specifics, she'll come alive and then this story might move me.
PM me if you have any questions or comments about my review.
Good luck and keep writing!
hey, so to me this read more like a vignette than an actual stories. there’s a lot of vignettes mislabeled as stories around here if you ask me. anyway, what I mean by that is that this piece does not take us on a journey from point A (the beginning) to point B (the end). it sort of just takes us for a test-drive, if that makes sense.
the writing was very good in terms of diction and summary and what not. but there’s no character development, there doesn’t really appear to be much in the way of conflict. there’s tension, sure, but without underlying conflict, aka the driving force of any story, the tension is without consequence. you hint at a sad backstory for your protagonist with the statue of a lost lover and all. but we don’t really know enough about her or any of the other characters to care. it’s just this really pretty, wealthy/powerful woman whose sad for some reason. the world of fiction is full of characters like that. being rich and beautiful and angsty isn’t enough to hold the reader’s interest. at least not anymore. you need to flesh this piece out to give it substance.
anyway I hope that was helpful. just understand that even though I had a lot of issues with this story, don’t take it personal. I wouldn’t have bothered typing up a review if I didn’t think it had potential. I’m not here just to get review points.
good luck and happy editing.
Okay, let me begin by saying how magnificent I felt this piece was. Of course, as with every piece of literature, typos will come and eventually they will be fixed through enough revisions. None of these were a major problem in understanding the story, so I will not bore you with the details.
One thing that many writers miss is the attention to detail, but it seems to me like you provided plenty of visual details. I might consider adding some other sensory details including the five main senses because they will make the story more realistic and the reader will be more likely to related to the story.
I thought that the story was wonderfully written, but perhaps a few more actions because it seemed to be that a lot of the story was simply thoughts inside an individual's mind instead of a plot line. This is my personal suggestion, but the story is yours to take as you wish.
I did enjoy the story and it seemed to retain emotion as the I read it, and this is a definite plus for you. I hope that you continue to write, and never forget that a good revision is better than a new, hastily written story. Perfecting the old story before beginning a new one is always better. Continue writing, and I will definitely read more that you have. Good job.
what a grt stuff! it is nice! very romantic! the title is nice. i like Russian names! and " Beskonechnaya" is itself a grt name! wow! this work seems very adventurous to me! might be not! but bet ya! it is! well, coming back to ur work it is awesome. u hv used emotions in right areas. i like ur last para in which she was sobbin' :
"When she finished, she was sobbing. Her lips trembled and her nose was red. She took a step closer to him. Her eyes looked over him until they suddenly stopped at his hands that slightly protruded from his cloak. She took another step and lifted her arm. She slowly dropped her soft hands into his marble ones. Her fingers intertwined with his and she felt as if his hands were as warm and sure as they were when he was alive."
this para of ur work is grt! i like it there are some other para too which i liked. it is a strongly connected stuff! dialogues are awesome too!
grt stuff keep writing pal!