~Kiss Me, before I Die~
by: lovethelifeulive
Part 1 of 2
December 7th 1943:
I hid behind the curtains of the stage.
The crowd clapped loudly for me. I wondered,
Who would pay to watch a ballerina dance during a war?
I couldn't even pay for myself. Living in a tiny apartment, owned by the government, with my sister, who was a nurse for the people of Kiev.
And while everyone was working for the war, I was dancing for the men and women, who either couldn't care less about the war, or were on Hitlers side. Or on Fridays, young boys secretly come to watch me dance. Young boys who came back home for a few days before they had to go back, just to be blown to pieces. I adjusted my tight tutu, to my satisfaction.
I turned my head toward the full-length mirror. The girl staring back, was nothing like me. Brown hair, tucked up into a tight bun. It was usually down and wavy. Heavy make-up around my eyes that stuck to my face, was there to make my regular brown eyes and big Jewish nose seem prettier. My full lips were evenly spread with red lipstick.
I wore a bright magenta tutu and leotard. The hem of the tuto had beautiful sprinkles of gold and so did the leotard, but with swirls of sparkles.
The orchestra under the stage had began to play.
I always felt nervous before the concert, if the audience were to find out who I was, I could be out of business.
Not only that,
I could be sent to a concentration camp...I could be killed.
I felt a lump in my throat.
My older brother, Daniel, was only twenty-six when he was murdered. He had a beautiful wife, they had been married for four years and had a gorgeous baby girl. They were taken to a concentration camp in Poland only last Summer.
From what we have heard, he was trying to save his wife after the little baby died of malnutrition. They ended up beating him to death and we have no information about his wife, Svetlana.
I blinked the water in my eyes away and listened to the music.
Sucking in my stomach, I stood up with my toes pointed under my pink ballet slippers.
As the violins began to play faster the deep red curtians flew back and I leaped out into the spotlight, streching my ballet tights. The audience clapped for me as I did Fouette, I turned my body quickly on my toes. My right leg kept me balanced was kept in a turning motion where the other leg was extended and brought close towards the knee of my balancing leg to obtain speed. I danced across the stage, doing twirls and splits. I melted into the music, and calmed down a little.
Two hours later, I ended the performance like I always did, with a Grand Jete.
My signature ending was a long jump made by starting on one leg and landing on the other. This involved doing full leg splits in mid-air during the jump with your arms extended diagonal to each other.
The music ended and cheers exploded in the building. I caught the flowers the Nazi soldiers threw at me, rose petals spotted the stage.
I bowed and the curtains closed, but I stood there, still in a bowing position, with my eyes closed, not listening to the clapping, just catching my breath. I couldn't wait to get home, to see my sister in the small kitchen. Cooking warm soup, on the small stove. Baking bread, in the small oven. Waching the dishes in the small sink.
I couldn't wait to see my little sister, nineteen years old, only two years younger then me.
I let a tear escape, the little drop ran down my cheek, I felt my make-up start to run.
This is all unfair.
The the situation we where in was difficult. And there was almost no way out of it.
Unless we moved to Switzerland.
But we barely had enough money to support ourselves now. And I was lucky to come across this job, that was making about seventy percent of our pay.
It was when Daniel was still alive, he just got married. Svetlana's parents had given her some money after the wedding to help with the baby, that would be born only five months later. But they spent it on me and my sister.
They didn't just give us money, but let the us live with them, feed us and provide clothing.
My sister was already a nurse, but I was unemployed at the time.
I wandered the steet for a few weeks, searching for a job. I came across an old theater and the old owner too.
She explained to me, that she couldn't find any actors, since all the men where at war, and the women wher doing the mens jobs. My best friend, Irina, was an interior designer before she died in a concentration camp in Aushwitz.
I told her about the woman and her theater, we took on the project together as teamates. We spend hours in that theater, we brought it back to life. Painted the outside red and the inside gold, we added chandliers, reupholstering the chairs and everything. We finished a week after she was sent away, I told the woman about how I studied to be a dancer and she offered me the job. I have been dancing for a year when I turned twenty and the kind woman died, so her daughter of 42 years took over. I repaid Daniel and Svetlana and rented an apartment for me and my dearest sister.
I opend my eyes and walked to the back of the stage. I quickly changed into a light blue button-up, a light pink skirt and a brown over-coat on top and wiped off all of the make-up.
I rushed out of the building, with my purse in hand.
I escaped out the back door, as I walked down the dirty alley way.
Rats scurried around and trash layed around the floors, I looked up to see the lamp posts light began to blink.
Oh, please don't go out, please down go out, little lightbulb. oh please...
The lightbulb blinked one more time, before it went off completely.
I stood in complete darkness.
I placed my hand on the brick walls of the alley, to help me find my way out into the street.
The only noise was the sound of my heels, clicking loudly.
I felt a hand on my shoulder and let out the loudest scream my lungs could manage.
"I-I'm sorry ma'am, I just..." The lights blinked back on.
A man in a black suit and a green tie stood in front of me with a rose in his hand. He let go of my shoulder.
"I saw your preformance, you were amazing." he said, proudly, handing my the rose.
"Why, thank you sir." I held out my hand. "I am Lubov Feedman, it's nice to meet you."
Lubov means lovely in Russian. Luba is the nickname, but hardly anyone calls eachother by nicknames.
He took my hand and shook it. "Hello, I am Adam Kühn." he smiled kindly.
"Would you like me to walk you home?" he asked.
"No, thank you. I think I'll be fine." He can't see where I live, I live in a Jewish apartment. If he was watching the performence, then he could be a Nazi.
"Well, you have a nice day. May, I just say that you are very beautiful."
I felt heat rush up to my checks. I had wiped off my make-up, I wasn't even wearing lipstick.
"Thank you, I hope you have a wonderful evening too."
he smiled back at me and turned around and walked down the alleyway.
I smelt the rose in my hand and walked home.
I unlocked the door of our apartment. I stepped into the warm hallway, the smell of beef entered my nose. I took off my jacket and hung it on a hook and slipped off my heels.
"Lubov!" Tatiana smiled at me. She sat at the tiny kitchen table sipping her soup.
"Tatiana, how was your day?" I asked sitting down.
"Dreadful," she replied, gliding her hands threw her short brown hair.
"Isn't it always?" I sighed, taking a spoonful of her warm soup into my mouth.
"Yes. But today, a young boy, fifteen, I think he was, came in with his mother. She said she wanted a check-up on her son, because his throat was very hoarse. So we checked him, and it turned out that he had lung infection! He was working as a chimney sweep, too." Tatiana explained.
"Thats horrid!" I said, shocked.
"And it gets worse!" Tatiana finished her soup and got up to rinse out the bowl in the sink.
"The mother fainted, so we did a check up on her too, turns out she had the influenza too!"
"Oh my! Thats dreadful..."
She opened her mouth to answer, but before the words could come out a huge Bang came from the door.
The door fell off of it hinges. Standing in the doorway, was the man from the alleyway.
"Adam?" I asked standing up.
Two suited men emerged from behind him.
Nazi!
"Feedman, is a Jewish name isn't it?" he asked.
Tatiana stood up too.
"No! We're Christians..."
"You don't wear stars on your cloths, do you know what the punishment for that is?" he interrupted her.
"No! You can't do this!" Tatiana yelled back.
Adam pointed to us.
"Arrest them."
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140,879 Literary Works • 673,697 Reviews
I'm always really drawn to books about ballet dancers, so I figured I'd read this. I really enjoyed it. There were some mistakes with grammar, punctuation, etc. so you may want to edit it, but it was mainly minor errors. I can not wait until the rest of this comes out; I want to see how the romance plays into it. I thought you used good descriptions and made every word interesting; I'm going to click the like button immediately! Good work!!
This was brilliant. I really liked it. I can't wait to see where this story is taken. I want to know more about this mysterious Nazi character from the ally. How did he know where she lived?
Keep writing- good luck
JJxVoodo
Hey. I enjoyed this story. I liked the MC very much.
I think the thing this story needs most is a spell check. I noticed some errors in that category. The commas and periods seemed in the right place 99% of the time, so I applaud you for that!
Also, and this is just my personal opinion, this story would fit in better with Historical Fiction than Romance. I know Adam and the MC have this flirty encounter, but it's so short, it's hardly the main conflict of the story. You mention the War much more than any romantic thoughts the MC might have. But that's my opinion.
Still, I thought it was clever, and like all things I've read about the Holocaust, unfair and heartbreakingly sad.
Keep writing!
okay, let me just say: A ballerina CANNOT be able to do that with only a year of training. I'm a ballerina myself, and I know for a fact, theres no way anyone can be able to do Fouettes with only 1 year of training...
Now, on a happier note,
I have seen some of your early work.
You have improved GREATLY! Congrats. I think its wonderful that you listened to people reviewing you, instead of ignoring all reviews like some people I could mention...
Congrats,
Pointe
Oh my cheese with cherries on top! Thay was awesome!!! Is there more to this? Im reading it. I must. This ROCKS. Really you did awesome. Some typos here and there, but overall well done.
Hi, Dearie! I'm finally here. I'm skimmed over the previous reviews and saw that people already nitpicked before me so what I'm going to do today is comment on your story as a whole. This will just be a quick review where the paragraphs' order won't make sense. Please bear with the flow of my mind. Thank you.
I love the way that you were describing the ballet steps. I could perfectly imagine what she was looking like while dancing. It's also nice that you know what those steps are called. I like it when people insert stuffs like that in a story. I just hope that you're careful with this. People who really know ballet might criticize you. I have a question: Do you know ballet yourself? If so, well, that is just so cool.
I didn't like the part where he asked for permission to say that she was beautiful. It felt a bit cheesy. But it could be just me. Another little nitpick I can't forget about. Don't use bold to emphasize the bang. Descriptive words are enough.
This really isn't a real review. Well, tell you what: grammar aside, this is really nice. I love the plot. The little crush. But why is it cut?! D: Where is the next part?! I thought there was a next part! Well, when you've posted it, just link it to me, OK? I'd love to read the rest. And oh, tell me if you want me to nitpick at the other one.
I am here. Again. Getting sick of me yet? I thought so.
You've all ready got some very in-depth reviews here, so this will probably be extremely brief.
The first thing that I noticed that really bothered me was the way you cut off you paragraphs. Especially in the middle of the story, where most of that could be put together into a few longer paragraphs. Every new sentence doesn't need its own, after all. There were also a ton of commas-- most of which really weren't necessary. However, all of the grammatical things have been pointed out, so I'll move on.
To be honest, some of this just didn't seem very realistic. I felt like she should have been caught a long time ago. If they knew that her brother was a Jewish man, and he was sent to a concentration camp, you'd think that your MC would have been found out a long time ago.
Also, they didn't allow Jewish people to have real jobs of any sort. The only things that they could really do was factory work and very hard labor. They would not be allowed to dance or be doctors or anything like that. There might be more to this that I've either missed or you haven't quite explained enough, though.
It just didn't seem very real to me.
On the bright side of things, though, despite the overuse of commas and the weird paragraph breaks, this was very well-written.
Sorry for the lame review, by the way. xD I just didn't quite know what else to add.
~~Cass
Hi! I just gotta say, wow. I loved this story so much. I watched a movie about the war, jewish troubles and have actually been to visit the camps in Poland. It was scary and so very sad. But I got to say, this is such an amazing piece. You had a couple of errors in grammer and spelling but my quote button doesn't work today, so maybe next time, right? The problem I had, but this is just from a reader's point of view when reading an type of story, why does she tell him her full name?! Isn't that scary!? I would be scared to death! But that was the good part. I hate Adam now and forever. Ha-ha.
I didn't know that she was Jewish until she looked into th emirror, shock.
Great job! Any questions or concerns? Just PM me then!
Nike
Keep Writing!
okay. so this was a good story, like everything you write...
just remember.
Watch when you use the word "threw", when you use it it should actually be spelled "through".
Watch your spelling and words, but other then that...
"moi bien." (very good)
CassidyRose
Hullo Love, how are we today? Hope here to give you a review before I run off for the day!
How is the crowd clapping for her, she hasn't even gone on yet?I don't really see the point in mentioning this because neither her, nor her sister are doing any mens 'dirty work'.
Careful about repeating words too closely to each other, it makes it awkward to read, and doesn't flow as well.
Again here.
Now since dancers work primarily on their legs the costumes couldn't be restrictive enough for them to lose the blood flow in their legs.
This sounds like a really beautiful costume, the only problem is that you described it in such a bland way. Liven up the descriptions Love!
This is a pretty big deal, but I feel no emotion reading it. Really put some feeling in behind that, she could die. It's kind of awkward to just have it as sort of an offhanded thought.
Itchy I don't really is the right word, try using something else. Also I think by the time Nazi Ukraine came about they already had ballet tights
Instead of having her tell us what she did, describe it to us.
Performance, not concert.
Again, show us don't tell us.
Read this whole thing. It's all "I did this, I did that, this happened, that happened." Sounds pretty boring to read huh? Well it is, you need to add emotion, and feeling and description! Also I'd really like to see what the girl's normal life is like BEFORE you throw us right into the action. Show us how grueling Lubov's workouts are, how her sister spends hours at work and comes home exhausted, anything! Little tidbits like this help add to the character, and make it easier for the reader to connect with the MC. I really enjoyed this story however, you did a good job about keeping it realistic, and the plot seems interesting. It just needs a bit of editing and rewriting but it's good so far!
Good luck and keep writing! PM me if you need anything!
~Hope
Hey lovethelifeulive!
I'm Dudette and I'm going to take a shot at reviewing this for ya!
So, I think you have done a brilliant job on this so far. As you've set this during the holocaust, you could have either made the story too depressing or too light, but you've managed to find a balance
I think this would read better as 'clapped loudly'
'The crowd clapped loudly for me.'
Try - 'The girl staring back, was nothing like me.'
'wavy'
'were' should be 'was' and 'regualar' should be 'regular'
I'd suggest switching the first comma to a semi-colon -
'I always felt nervous before the concert; if the audience would find out who I am, I could be out of business.'
Also, the seond part of the sentence is somewhat in present tense, where the rest of the story is in past tense. To straighten this out, I'd re-phrase it to something like -
'I always felt nervous before the concert; if the audience were to find out who I was, I would be out of business.'
'up' would be better as 'in'
I agree that this sentence is a little odd as it is. Either add something to it, or attach it to the start of the sentence below it.
Do you mean 'ichy' to be 'itchy' or 'icy' ?
'do' should be 'did'
'involved'
'cheers'
'19' should be written as 'nineteen'
I've never heard of a 'blown coat' Do you mean 'brown' ?
'down' should be 'don't'
I'd join these two sentences together -
'I felt a hand on my shoulder and let out the loudest scream my lungs could manage.'
'The'
Full stop should be a comma
'it's'
'nicknames'
'He smiled'
'hanged' should be 'hung'
Full stop should be a comma
Do you mean - 'because his throat was very hoarse.' ?
This would be better if you changed the comma to a full stop and had the last part as a seperate sentence.
'Bang' doesn't need to be in bold.
'Freedman is a Jewish name'
Overall thoughts -
I liked this. The plot is sad, but I'm interested to find out where the romance will come into it
I hope this review helps!
Can you let me know when the next part is up, please?
Thanks for the read!
xDudettex
Excellent opening hook!
This was very unique and very descriptive for a piece of such short length.
All I can say is, don't change anything!
Keep up the good work, I hope the next installment is just as good!
-Alex
"As the violins began to play faster." This is a sentence fragment. Unless you meant to combine this sentence with the one below it.
"tuto had sprinkles of gold sparkles and so did the leotard." How about, "The outfit held a dash of gold." It runs smoother, since you already mentioned the tutu and leotard.
"chears"= cheers. "I place my arm" should be past tense, since that's the way you've written the rest of the story.
But quite frankly, this is an all-too-interesting topic of discussion. You have opened up yet another possible holocaust hit, and I'm quite interested in seeing just how the title fits the story. Does Lubav end up persuading Adam into letting her go? I'm eager for the next installment. Keep writing- and editing!
Hey! Firstly, I would like to say nice job on this. It's a very original idea and you portrayed it very well without turning it into a major cliche, which a lot of people wouldn't have been able to do.
You forgot the comma in 'men's'. No big deal. Also, I would say that it wouldn't be any harm for you to work on your imagery. This has potential to have some very discriptive scenes and could really paint the picture in the readers head, which as a writer you should be aiming to do. It just seemed a little bit blunt like you may have rushed through it. No worries though, you're young and you have time to learn. Imagery just takes a bit of practice. Why don't you try just looking outside, choosing something and then writing down everything you can think of that would describe it? It's a great excersise and really helped me to get the hang of imagery. Even then I'm still learning.I do have just one or two errors though.
Overall, fantastic potential here and you're a very talented writer. Keep up the great work. With just a bit of practise you'll go a long way.
Hey - I'm Mo, and I'm gonna give a quick review - 'kay?
Okay - so I'm liking the theme of this piece - the Nazi feel is very influential and I like the way you've portrayed that so far. I like your main character, she has really grabbed my attention and I like how you've explained her constant fear.
Something you could improve on is there is quite a lot of grammar/punctuation errors you can fix. One other thing I think you could work on is try and let the story flow a little more into giving more detail - because at the moment I'm getting a lot of information all at once - rather than slowly revealed as the plot develops, so that we can feel more connected to the characters.
So, I think this has a lot of potential - and can't wait 'till you post more - let me know when you do.
Thanks for posting this - good work.
Ta,
Mo.
Hey I just noticed that you had posted this and knew I had to read it. Let me begin by saying that I love your story. Even though its a depressing time I love stories about the Holocaust. I love how your story starts out and he twist that happened in tye end. I can't wait to read part 2 and you need to post it soon. Keep p the good work and keep writing.
I'm kind of a sucker for a story about holocaust... I'll try to get to this... if you want.
I've read Night, Number the Stars, Mad Desire to Dance, some other children's book on holocaust.