Sonnet Lover

Hello again, buddy! I thought I'd take a look at this one too

This, my friend, will simply be beautiful << You use a lot of words here to not say very much. In poetry, especially a form as short as a sonnet, every word needs to matter and should paint a picture. Instead of saying this will be beautiful, why not use a simile or metaphor to describe how beautiful it will be? Perhaps it will be elegant as a waterfall or enchanting as a marionette? Give the reader something to visualise

Come and go as they please, do not stop me <<I think 'you' would work better than they in this line because then you would be involving the reader more directly. When you say 'they' it's another character, or rather group of characters, for your reader to try to get to grips with. But when you say 'you' then you're drawing the reader in and giving them a place in your poem.

Do not stop this lovely rhythm I have
It would be lovely to not make me plea << Try to avoid using lovely twice in such a short space of time. Maybe you could use graceful or drumming in the first line instead? What kind of a rhythm is it, a slow, graceful one or a fast, drumming one? This way you can choose a word which will better describe what you mean.

The making of these words are great to calve << I love the word calve and that's a clever use of it, on the edge of a line, but I think it's a little out of place in this poem. Your vocabulary is quite light and accessible for the rest so calve then sounds forced as it's one of only two complex words in the poem, perchance being the other.

Overall

I love the idea behind this: the contemplation of a love for one's own writing. I've not seen that done in a sonnet before so it was very refreshing. I think you do need to include more visuals and choose your words more carefully, but this is a good start. Thanks for the read!

Heather xx

Hello there! I'm June!

I adore the fact that instead of romancing a person, you romance the sonnet itself in this poem. Your rhyme scheme throughout the poem is nice; gentle rhymes that don't seem too forced beside one another, but be careful, dear! You begin to force your lines into submission with such a strict rhyme scheme, which is a bit detrimental to the success of your poem because you start to structure sentences unnaturally, such as It would be lovely to not make me plea. I like giving the advice of writing out thoughts and organizing them before the actual poem creation begins, and only then creating a sonnet from it so that the message precedes the rhyme. Usually it makes it sound less forced.

Another good practice is to read your work aloud afterwards to check for even meter and rhyme. Helps a huge deal.

Hope that helps some!

June

Hi there Lovely,

As sonnets go, this was fairly okay. It had a good rhythm and flow, and was perfect layout for a sonnet. What was more disappointing was the actual content. This poem didn't have a meaning that many people could relate to. It was only about how much you liked sonnets. I thought maybe it would be about friendly love or romantic feelings but it wasn't.

And when I read it out loud, it seemed like a simple poem. There wasn't anything unique or striking in there. It felt kind of plain and monotone to me. It needs a stronger message behind it.

Other than that, it was okay.

Deanie x

I was expecting a romantic love poem but it is mostly about loving sonnets. The way you bring up love and friends at the beginning made me think so but the friend is only mentioned one then the rest is largely about sonnet but there is one line about it being hard to find someone. I dont really know what you mean by saying "It’s so hard to find someone who does now". Who does what? The first letter on the last sentence is undercase. Not sure if thats intentional or not.