when you went away,
that 30th May,
the promise about returning home,
"Don't forget me."
"I can't."
"I'll pray.."
A month without you,
that 30th June,
you wrote in a hurried handwriting,
'wait for me Love, I'll be home soon..'
two months passed,
It was 30th august,
my letters were more desperate while yours were shorter,
made me wait more eagerly when i saw the faint ink was smothered.
two months of loneliness,
It was 30th December,
the wheather was low and isolating like your letters in november.
you've stopped writing to me now, but we made a promise,
and I know you'll remember.
I never recieved a letter again,
just your body back from the war,
I held you, wonded and cold,
touched you yet you seemed so far.
i cried and cried but that didn't bring you back,
I realized there was no cure,
what had i done to deserve something so awful,
all I did was love a soldier...
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140,776 Literary Works • 673,688 Reviews
This was a poem that touched my heart. I don't have any one I know in the army, but still this brought a tear to my eye. You had a few spelling errors and there was random capitalization in the beginning of the sentences other than the lowercase format you had going. Other than that, it was beautiful. Good job!
thankyou so very much
thankyou so very much
thankyou so very much
Hi there, Gaurav here for a review!
There are few things I will mention right away. The soldier's wife/girlfriend has become a clichéd idea. Everything in the poem can be premeditated. Still, I loved it. Really loved it. The conviction, the pain of a soldier and his hardship gave me goosebumps to be honest. You have done a commendable job with your presentation, and despite the clichéd theme, your poem is awesome.
There is however a great room for improvement. Your poem starts quite nicely. The first two stanzas are quite smooth to read. However, there is an imbalance in the narrative style. As a poet, you have the liberty to write the way you want, but at times the narrative can overshadow your poem itself.
A quick nitpick
I guess, you meant, 'Weather'. I don't usually point out such flimsy errors, but is found it mandatory because it literally obstructed your wonderful line.
Beautiful line! I liked the way, you described each month and her emotions. It's a great skill to present your predictable poem in a likeable way.
The last stanza was outstanding! There were spelling mistakes like received, wounded but I couldn't point it when I first read it. I understand that I am just praising your poem without giving any constructive criticism, but the way you nailed it in the last stanza, I felt really touched.
Overall this is a remarkable poem which needs proof reading and a bit of sturdy narration. The narrative advice is however a personal opinion. Keep it up! Amazing Job!
points considered. thankyousomuch : )