I don't wake up today,
to the buzz of my phone,
your wake up text just a memory,
for the 'Us' is now gone..
you've met this new person,
I hope you guys are happy,
I wish you luck with her,
hope she doesn't end up like me.
my bed still smells of you,
though I've replaced the guitar,
it's no more at your favourite spot,
but those songs still strum around.
the facts are cathing up to me now,
I've been absorbing all the truth,
silence has never been louder for me,
but somehow I'm glad we're mute.
I won't say I miss you,
won't say I regret,
the time we spent was wonderful,
now it's Goodbye & Forget.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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128,135 Literary Works • 671,488 Reviews
The biggest issue I take with this is that it has no clear rhyming format.
Nitpicks:
"the facts are [cathing] up to me now,"
Catching. I know you knew that, I'm just pointing it out so you can edit it.
"it's no more at your favourite spot,"
Replace with 'no longer'?
This gets a little confusing at some points, definitely. When writing poems, you should focus on the point you're trying to make. If you haven't made that point by the end, revise.
I like it, but it is also a little confusing in some spots. The way you formatted it made me want to read it in A-B rhyming format even though it doesn't rhyme besides the last four lines; that's my problems though. The line "it's not more at your favorite spot" seems kind of weird maybe think about replacing it with no longer. Also while I like the imagery of
"silence has never been louder for me,
but somehow I'm glad we're mute."
I also don't understand what you're going for with that line. It didn't make a lot of sense to me in context. I only saw one typo which was "catching up". Overall though good job it definitely felt dramatic and conveyed a sense of forlornness, but also a feeling like the person is moving on.