A/N: Thank you for reading to the next chapter! I am really enjoying writing this story so far, and I hope you are enjoying reading it. Let me know if you have any suggestions for how the story should go. As with last time, I have changed a little bit since posting it in my Writer's Corner thread.
Warnings: scenes in a slaughterhouse
Eduard watched as the lone cattle climbed the narrow ramp to the second floor and prayed. A heavy mallet hung limp in his right hand, a few pieces of hair still clinging to its splintered head. He wiped his brow as the cow approached him. Another laborer, forty years Eduard’s senior, closed the restraining gate behind the mooing creature. Its oversized eyes bulged in fear and reflected the incandescent lightbulb behind the young boy.
He gripped the handle with both of his bloody hands. In one unbroken swing, the hammer collided with the center of the animal’s hard skull. The cattle fell, stunned and unconscious, onto the killing floor.
“Get him up, boy,” the older man growled as he re-opened the gate. It took four men to hurry each body onto the hooks.
For six months, Eduard had been a “knocker.” He had taken a mallet to the cattle’s heads, a dozen times an hour, ten hours a day, five days a week. In between swings, he helped the other workers to tie the limp animals to the ceiling by their hind legs and slit their arteries.
There were some days when he missed the farm. Toiling alongside his father under an unforgiving sun made for comforting memories when the cattles’ fear became too palpable. The killing floor was always filled with piercing silence that was only interrupted by stifled grunts and groans. Unlike during the corn harvest, no breeze cooled the laborers’ backs as they completed the same task over and over again. The putrid air was still around the hunks of meat hanging from the ceiling.
No two cows were the same, yet each one that passed him blended together. He just knew what part of the skull to hit, and that was all he needed to know. Callouses covered his palms. Muscles bulged under his stained undershirt. His shoes, for the first time in his life, were brand-new.
A bell rang as a man lugged the last bovine body to be with the others. Randy was one of the only remaining strikebreakers from 1921 and rarely said a word to his coworkers. Thick warm blood rolled down his dark back as he hoisted the carcass over his shoulder.
“See you tomorrow, Ed,” a familiar voice said in Czech.
“I won’t see you until Monday, Stan,” Eduard replied to the aging man in the same language. “I’m going home for the weekend.”
Stanley wiped his hands on his jeans. They walked out of the plant into the stockyards, where they joined hoards of other laborers heading towards the streetcars and home.
“Where are you from again?”
“Hundred miles from here.” Eduard gestured in a general western direction. “Near Wilber.”
“I’ve never been.”
“Do you like farming?”
Stan sucked in his teeth, which exaggerated the lines in his face. His skin was completely pale, a testament to the decade he had spent working inside the Armour Meatpacking Plant. He lived down the street from Eduard’s boarding house; it was only because of their shared route that they had become slightly more than acquaintances.
“There’s a reason I’m a butcher.”
“Oh, Stan. You’re barely even a butcher.”
The group of men looked up as the whine of a radial engine split through the chatter. Eduard had gone years without seeing a plane fly overhead; now, camouflaged bombers cut through the sky on a weekly basis as the country prepared men for war.
“You ever thought of flying one of those?” Stan asked as he stared at the flying beast. His nose crinkled at the sight.
“A B-17?”
“Yeah. Well, not specifically.”
Eduard shrugged. “I don’t know.”
“What do you mean you don’t know?” Stan asked with more vitriol. Within days of meeting him, Eduard had discovered that this was a sore subject. In reality, it was a subject Eduard thought far too much about.
Yet his response was, still, “I don’t know.”
And that was the truth. In his six months in the city, he had seen innumerable blue stars appear in the windows of his neighbors’ homes. Even more concerning were the encroaching gold stars, each symbolizing a soldier who would never again walk through that house’s front door. It was only August of 1942.
“If you enlist, you can pick your branch,” Stan explained as they boarded the 24th Street trolley. “Paratroopers get you fifty extra a month.”
“My father needs me on the farm.”
“Then why are you standing here talking to me, Ed?” Stan pshawed. “Give me an actual excuse when you think of one.”
The two coworkers disembarked the streetcar and began walking to their respective homes. Stan was a full foot shorter than the younger man, but so were many people. He had several bumps and moles that rose off his face, making what would have been a decently attractive man barely average.
“You said you were from Wilber?” He asked the farmboy as they turned onto 22nd Street. A child passed by on a bicycle, splitting the duo in half.
“Close by it. We’d drive in once in a while.”
“That that Czechoslovak town?”
“Yessir.”
Stan thwacked Eduard on his swinging arm. The latter winced.
“I’m not old enough for sir quite yet.”
They shook hands in front of Eduard’s winding front steps. The cream colored house was set back several meters from the street on a slight hill, requiring any who entered to traverse the long front yard. Stan hesitated at the foot of the stairs as Eduard began climbing.
“Why don’t you come to dinner tonight, Ed?” Stan said with his hands in his pockets. “Meet the family. Then you can go with my sons to the dance hall, introduce you to society, unless you have been already.”
“I have to start driving first thing in the morning, otherwise I would.”
Stan waved his hand.
“If you’re living here, you have to live like we do. Be at my house tonight by seven. You’ll have enough time for your beauty sleep.”
Eduard nodded. Once the other man turned around, he climbed the nineteen steps to the front porch. He checked the mailbox and, letters in hand, entered the Meyerovich’s house.
It was his habit to place Ms. Meyerovich’s mail on the wooden console table in the entryway, under the ever changing rotations of flowers in the glass vase. He would then slip upstairs to his room, unnoticed until dinner, if he chose to dine with them.
“Mr. Dostal!” A familiar Russian accent rang from the living room. His shoulders dropped, and he let his hand off the newel post.
“Yes, ma’am?”
“Come, come.”
Eduard stood at attention under the stained doorframe. The furniture was older than him, unchanged since Mr. Meyerovich had succumbed to the Spanish Flu. His portrait analyzed Eduard from across the room.
“How was the meat today?” She asked in an accent as thick as her borscht. Her greying hair was uncombed and fell haphazardly around her head.
“Work was good,” Eduard replied. He never had explained to her what his job entailed in depth. “Boy, am I glad that it’s the weekend.”
“You leave this weekend?”
“Yes—tomorrow and Sunday. I am going home.”
The woman shook her head while muttering to herself in Russian. She pushed herself off the fading armchair.
“Come, come. I show.”
Ms. Meyerovich crossed the room to the ancient radio standing vigil in the corner. On top was a photograph. She picked it up in her trembling hand.
“My daughter,” she said.
“Yes.”
Eduard recognized the woman in the photograph without a second thought. Thirty and still living at home, Galina Meyerovich slept in the room across the hall from Eduard, and took hours getting ready in the bathroom. Eduard struggled to not break the door down and throw her out of the room before work every morning.
Ms. Meyerovich pointed to the man with his arm around her daughter in the photograph. He was shorter than her by several inches and seemed to be suffocating in his oversized suit. Several of his fingers were missing.
“Joseph Shramek. Czechoslovak like you. He propose yesterday.” She shrugged. “She say yes. He work in bank, make money. But not big money.”
“Congratulations.”
Ms. Meyerovich waved her hand dismissively.
“No need. But you need know that they will live here. And have family here.”
Eduard pursed his lips.
“So I need to leave?”
“Yes. No”—She shook her head and mumbled something again—“Not yet. You can stay two month”—-she held up the number with her fingers—-“two.”
Eduard digested his eviction as Ms. Meyerovich wiped grime off the radio with her bony finger. Her nails were freshly painted in a deep red color that matched her sloppily-applied lipstick. He had never met another woman like her before he had stumbled upon her advertisement for a room in the World-Herald. He had checked her address on a map—it was in the same neighborhood that the Wassons had recommended. Within hours of arriving in Omaha, Eduard had moved into her cramped upstairs bedroom and thrown himself onto his new, thin mattress.
“Do you know anywhere else I could stay?”
Ms. Meyerovich rolled her eyes and held up her palms, recusing herself from giving an actual response. She let out a heavy sigh.
“No more renting a bedroom every week, okay? You live in city, or you live in farm. You rent apartment or own house, or you own farm, okay?”
“Okay.”
She wiped her grimy hands on her dress and returned to her armchair. Her newest needlepointing project lay abandoned on the floor.
Eduard stared out the window. Blocks upon blocks of craftsmans and family homes stretched beyond the pane, but he could not see past the houses across the street. Cars of all ages began to appear along the sidewalks as the work week came to a close. His father’s truck rested in front of the Meyerovich’s stairs, waiting for its biweekly journey home. A mourning dove was perched on its right headlight.
“You play baseball tonight?” That Russian voice asked. She had resumed her sewing.
“Pardon?”
She repeated her question.
“Yes, sorry. I won’t be here tonight,” he stuttered. Feigning an intramural baseball practice was quicker than explaining his true schedule for the night.
“Win for us.”
“I always try.”
The Czech set the bundle of mail on top of the radio. He turned to leave, but hesitated when he saw his name scrawled on the top letter in an unfamiliar script. The name on the return address bounced around his mind, searching for where he recognized it.
“This one’s mine,” he said as he picked it up, but the old woman did not look up from her needles and thread.
Eduard climbed the stairs hurriedly. Across from the stairs, Galina’s door was open. She sat on the edge of her deskchair, combing through a catalogue. He winced as he stepped on the floorboard that he so ardently tried to avoid. Galina’s head shot up.
“Did mother tell you?”
She already knew the answer to her question—-the walls were as thick as the magazine in her hands, and the floors even thinner.
“Yes, she did. Congratulations.”
“I’m sorry. I told her you could stay.”
It was Eduard’s turn to wave his hand in indifference. “Don’t be. It’s your house. Just use my room for something good.”
“I don’t know how we could ever improve on it.”
Eduard chuckled as he shut his door, leaving the conversation dead in the water. The room was bare of any personal memorabilia except for those that he had collected since moving in. A silver softball trophy sat on the windowsill, and Creighton pennants and schedules covered the wall above his twin-sized bed. A pile of letters from home littered his secretary desk.
He kicked his boots off, letting them ricochet against the wall. With a thud, he collapsed onto his sheets and tore open the new addition to his letter collection.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
hello looseleaf! this first chapter seems almost a bit... domestic, so i'm excited to see where it goes from here! i ought to preface this by saying i haven't read the prologue, so i hope you'll excuse me if i critique something out of ignorance

i like this eduard character, he feels really natural for this setting. i'm very curious... he seems so polite!
i also like the dynamic between stan and ed, and the way they speak to each other. they feel natural and familiar, but it's also pretty clear they're not super close. overall ed seems to maybe be a bit withdrawn from these people? maybe withdrawn in general? again, i'm looking forward to finding out in future chapters
now, i'm well aware a lot of my critiques are going to seem very nitpicky. for what it's worth, that just means i couldn't find a lot to critique, and nothing really serious, so i had to get all the little crumbs. let's get into it!
a bit silly but when i first read this sentence it sounded like the cattle was the one doing the praying. maybe there's another way to phrase it, or clarify a bit?
i'd also love some more context on why he's praying. at first i thought he was nervous and felt guilty about killing (indirectly) the cow, but he has likely knocked out about a gazillion cows by now. i'd assume he knows what he's doing, and has become pretty desensitized to it. if he's still feeling guilty he'd have to be real bleeding heart, and in that case i'd love to see you leaning into that a bit more.
gahh! the description up to this point really got my skin crawling, i just couldn't help but feel bad for this poor cow! this isn't really a critique per se, but i thought this would be a good place to add some description of the sounds in this scene. for example, i'd love to read what it sounded like when he hit the skull (that sounds psycho when you type it out, wow...). it's already very immersive, i just feel like some sounds could elevate it even further.
this sentence felt a teensy bit out of place. you go from describing the farm, to describing the slaughterhouse, to describing the farm again, and it felt a bit sandwiched. to be fair the next sentence technically does still describe the slaughterhouse, but it starts off at the farm and compares temperature, not sound. maybe you could do something like 'the killing floor was always quiet, not like on the farm where the wind rustled the cornfield vigorously' (not literally but something like that). i also think it could work well as it's own line before the paragraph, though this is all a stylistic choice.
i have to add i really like the line about his new shoes. it tells us a lot about him, especially if you decide to lean into that softhearted 'still sad about killing the cows'-thing. he used to have little money, and now he's killing animals and it pays well, but he feels terrible about it... that's really interesting!
also randy has to be, like... really strong, carrying that cow by himself... i would not want to get into a fight with him, just saying....
like tikaya said, i think this could be clarified. i assume stan is reacting to ed not being very eager to serve in the military? or maybe not considering joining even though it pays better? or maybe stan just really likes planes and the though of someone else NOT liking them to the same extent upsets him.
(nineteen steps is... like... really really tall, no? the one in my house from first to second floor is like... twelve, i think? i'd have to count... either way... that's a lot of stairs...)
another nitpick but you use 'familiar voice' and 'familiar accent' to introduce both stan and ms meyerovich. maybe there is another adjective, or another way, to introduce one of them?
also how hard did he kick off his shoes for them to ricochet off the walls? this isn't a critique but i just can't help picturing them bouncing around the room like bullets. those are some leg muscles on that guy...
that's the end of my review! overall a great and atmospheric piece and i had a great time reading! great work and thanks for sharing
Hia leaf! Let’s see what Eduard is up to 😊
Oh so the job pays well? But it kinda sounds like he gets covered in blood, wouldn’t that just ruin the shoes?Oh what a visceral scene we are starting on! I do like how Eduard narrates this, kind of detached but also focused and… there’s this lingering melancholy.
*possibility of piloting mentioned* *tikaya sitting up straight* I mean it ofc could only be an interesting background detail to show the time period buuuuttt…..
(Nice dialogue so far, also this “the only reason why they have become more than acquaintances” is such a good phrase! [paraphrased])
I think you might want to specify what you mean here? Because… is it the topic of flying, the topic of war or that Eduard doesn’t know all the time?
Ah I appreciate that attitude. Because this kid would obviously never go, always find an excuse 😊
I like this description:
First of all, according to the dialogue punctuation I learnt, “she” is not capitalized here: Second of all, maybe you want to use her name here instead because last you talk about the portrait and… well. I would be surprised if the portrait started talking XD
Hm another very sensible advice: He truly is surrounded by adults who try to help!
Oh that is suspicious: What are you up to at night, Eduard, hm? Or is it just a disguise so he doesn’t have to tell her that he has nothing going on for himself?
That… is an awkward “the Czech” here: Why do you feel the need to write it like that? Can’t his name work?
I like how you made Galina immediately sympathetic by her telling him it wasn’t her that made the decision to evict him. (She could be lying but why?)
And aww that’s cute:
Now I really wanna know what this kid does in his off hours that he needs to bring baseball as an excuse XD
Join the fight! Write more reviews!