This is my latest love poem. I encourage all kinds of comments=)
No Easy Road of Life for Love
So anticipated yet neglected by no one’s fault:
Those moments which were lost
Cause drought in our serenity and hope.
Impatience rises and plays an evil role, but
Who or what we blame, to let out the frustration? Life.
Yet is it not the same one who stages ups and downs for us to play?
Only an idiot is content with constant happiness, he may
Be the one who forever sleeps, if could, but why then not just die?
And so must we rise and dive,
And for the happy moments thrive
While subconsciously realizing, we’ll fall again
Together or apart, yet in the end,
We wish at heart, we’ll lie embracing.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Yeah you are right about the ending, but could you tell me what other lines I could change? Maybe I should add transitions?
Good, good. I just felt like the end wasn't really powerful, like it wasn't meant to end there. And there were a few parts that were oddly broken up. I think with some editing this could be really great.