He’s a nice boy.
There’s no question of his intentions: he makes them clear.
You’re the only one he sees.
And you believe him.
Soon you know where he keeps his forks.
And what kind of soda resides in his refrigerator.
You smile when you find his dog’s hair on your favorite sweater.
And cry of laughter when he finds your most ticklish spot.
He won’t ever forget that spot.
He’s a nice boy.
It’s a rainy Sunday afternoon.
And you’re in his arms.
If you’re sick on the couch,
He is just as sick sitting next to you,
Because he didn’t listen when you said not to kiss you.
He can’t resist the taste of your lips.
When you find yourself lost in your mind.
He isn’t afraid.
Of what lies within.
He wants to know.
He’s a nice boy.
You hide in his closet,
When his parents come home unexpectantly.
And then laugh about it.
When he is sweating from almost getting caught.
Your favorite song,
Might not be his favorite.
But he listens to it anyway.
You’ve never told anyone this before.
But you tell him.
Because you believe him when he says,
“I’ll never leave”
He’s a nice boy.
He’s busier now.
But still makes time for you.
For a little bit.
You see him every day,
But not really.
He tells you not to worry.
So you don’t.
He seems distant.
His touch even farther away.
When was the last time he kissed you?
You try to figure out what you did wrong.
It turns into you simply thinking,
That you just weren’t good enough.
You find out he told the same things,
To another girl.
He did what he said he never would.
He left.
But he’s a nice boy.
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125,011 Literary Works • 672,841 Reviews
Hello liv1997,
When I was about half way through, it was melting my heart, making the end all the more potent. Some poetry about stuff like this, you don't really know the background, and with the background, it makes everything mean more. What I guess I really like is that, you don't really give it a dramatically drastic change all at once between when he's everything to the character, and he's left her. One thing I might add at the very end that I think would make it flow just a little bit better; When you say "But he's a nice boy." as the very last line, I think you might put "But he's still a nice boy." instead.
I'm really looking forward to seeing more from you! It may be a little late, but welcome to Young Writers Society!
~Kelpies.
Woah... The feels!
I was completely stumped by the change of mood in this story. I was honestly expecting a cute love story out of this, so when he left her I was stunned.
Sadly, I feel this does in fact happen a lot in today's world.
Down to critiquing, I don't see any grammatical/spelling errors. However, I do think that you could add a bit more detail and depth into your writing. Perhaps you could show how he had left her for another girl. Perhaps put a bit more development into this girl. I think this could really help bring a lot more emotion in it, and also take away the shocking mood change.
Or not, I mean, maybe that's how you want it.
Anyways, I think this is a truly excellent poem and I really enjoyed it! Keep writing.
Thank you very much for the advice it means a lot!!!
Hello.
Kanome here with a review for you.
This lead up to a very saddening conclusion. I thought it was going to have a happily ever after tale, but in the end, it got me in my feelings.
This piece will make your readers feel what this person is feeling, which is a great element to have when it comes to writing poetry.
I can really connect to this because I have been in this kind of situation before, and it made me sad for a while.
No grammar usage errors.
No punctuation usage errors.
Improvement: Try to bring in more emotion in the poem. Elaborate.
This is a great poem. Keep writing.
I can't wait to read more of your work.
Have a nice day.
Kanome
Thank you very much!!