I hate wearing makeup.
But my friends wear it.
So I do.
~
I love to sing.
But I'm not very good.
So I don't.
~
I look at him.
But he looks at her.
So I look the other way.
~
They say I'm perfect the way I am.
But not like that.
So I change.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
Hi! Hermione here for a review! I really enjoyed how this poem was simple, while at the same time carrying a powerful message. Using almost as few words as possible, you summed up how girls often get pushed around in society. You kept it concise and to the point, making it easy for everyone to read and comprehend. Oftentimes when an idea is elaborated upon too much, poems become intimidating walls of text that people in a rush won't take the time to read. I think it was a good choice for you to keep this poem short, because even people skimming through and reading poems in a rush can take something from it. It's easy for everyone to pause and think on. Another thing I especially liked about this is how you kept up the consistent pattern of I/They, But, and So for each line in every stanza. My only criticism for you on this piece is...well...I really can't think of anything. This was quite wonderful! Good job, and keep writing!
Thank you so much!!
I personally appreciate the work whether it is how you live your life or not. No, I agree that your philosophy should not be to follow everybody else; however, you've described something that we all feel. It is worth mentioning. Anyone who hasn't written it has probably thought it. It's beautiful because it expresses real, very understandable emotion and thought, not because it describes a good way to live one's life. God bless you, liv1997. Since others have raised this concern, I hope this isn't how you plan to live your life. Anyway, again, it's fantastic work!
Thank you!!:) I agree this is not how people should live, I hope this little poem can show people that they shouldn't conform!!
Hey there! CaptainSalty here with a review.
Okay, I really don't like this poem. In this case, it's bad when it's short. It needs to be elaborated. Also, it's too repetitive with the word 'But' at the beginning. Also, don't begin with that word with every sentence.
I do agree with what Phoenix said. I hate the topic, just be yourself. Don't change yourself. Your imperfections make you different and what makes you different makes you beautiful.
Otherwise, I would add some changes to it. It's just so short and to the point, which I really don't like in this. There is always room for improvement, and don't forget it!
I do want to see more poems from you. Don't give up and always write!
-CaptainSalty
Thank you for the advice!
You're welcome!
This is beautifully clever! The truth is, it's just about flawless; it's awesome! I cannot stress that enough. Very well done,liv1997! Your work here feels very human and honest. I can almost touch the thoughts you're describing because I've felt them all. (I'm a male. Thus I don't wear makeup, but the concept still applies.) I can relate to the peer pressure. The singing?--who doesn't know how that feels? The third stanza--this sort of situation has happened to me a lot. I know exactly what it feels like. Then there's the last stanza--tragic, relatable, and satirical all at once. The absolute beauty of this is that you selected very understandable, common situations that stir up feelings in all of us or remind us of feelings we've had; that is why this is marvelous! High five!
Thank you very much I'm glad that you can relate!
I don't really know what to say about this... I like your point of view of society on how you do stuff like other people, it also ticks me off kind of, because you don't have to follow society's rules, you can do whatever you want. I feel restricted after the poem, wanting to break free, but I understand the poem, I know people who just follow the crowd because they don't speak out their own opinion's, and society looks down on you for being different, personally, I feel like the narrative person is being judged by society, and he/she wants to be a follower.
Thanks for reading! My goal here was exactly this. The poem angers you a little bit because you realize that conforming/following/changing is wrong. My hope was to inspire the readers to try not to conform and to be who they really are. I feel like I accomplished that here thank you for sharing!!:)