Dead or Alive

Dead or alive.

I am wanted,

dead or alive.

I'm wanted in order to be something I cannot.

Dead or alive, they want me to be something I can not be expected to be,

and still

they expect of me,

something beyond death or living.

Something not possible, nor feasible, nor reachable, for me.

When I die, I'll be wanted alive.

I'm alive, and I've wanted death.

But still, they don't see,

they cannot see

what I am dying inside to be,

for them.

I'm keeping up with the inevitable days.

Waiting, alive, to fade away.

Dead or alive, I fade away.

I am indifferent to the states of living, don't care for the state of death.

I live a life of death, every day.

And still, they say

that I'll be okay,

and get over it.

How can I get over it,

when there's nothing to get over?

When,

I've died so many times just to wake up living.

When,

I've lived so much just to die, every time I try.

I'd rather die than live this life, rather live than die again.

What is there to get over, when I've crossed my grave a thousand times?

Indifferent to time.

I'm wanted.

Dead or alive.

There's a bounty on my head,

and it hangs so low,

I can see the numbers rising.

Again, the price rises.

They want me.

Dead or alive, they will have me.

Willing to pay the highest price, just to have me.

Leave me at their doorstep dead, and collect the rewards later.

Turn me in alive instead, and collect the direct payment.

Dead or alive.

As valuable as gold, as worthless as a penny.

I am wanted.

Dead,

or alive.

Comments

Points: 1642
Reviews: 54

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Sun Jan 29, 2023 10:21 pm

Quillfeather wrote a review...

Helloooo! Hope you are having a lovely day, night, or whatever time of day it is for you! Quill here for a short review!

first thoughts
Wow, just wow. What an amazing poem. I can't even begin to describe how I felt reading this. I actually want to cry for awhile. And that is something that is hard to truly capture, pure emotion.
Something I really like is your use of parallelism. The way you repeat,

''I am wanted.

Dead,

or alive.''

really captures and generates great emotion. Because by repeating these words you bring to surface things that people may not want to admit to themselves. As well as many other advantages this use of parallelism brings about.

I think my absolute favorite thing about this poem is how clearly it outlines the way you shoulder the disappoint, weather said it felt, we may receive from others. How we cannot be what others want us to be, even if all we want is to live up to their expectations. when we can't help but disappoint how it can make you feel worthless. At first the dead or alive line seems to have one meaning, they want you to do this, wether it kills you or not but in the end it almost seems to say, it doesn't truly matter if you are ''dead or alive". Very interesting points! You did a great job making this piece l!

no pressure suggestions

Now these are completely stylistic but I thought I would mention them anyway. No pressure to change them, just a few thoughts I had.
You might consider changing the way you break u your sentences? Sometimes there seems to be too many spaces in between and sometimes there's not enough. It makes a text s lot less daunting to rest if you break up stanzas a bit. But that's just my thought, it makes sense if that was your own stylistic choice! One thing I think might make things have a little more in the words is add some things like italics and bold? Completely up to you but it really could add a lot to your poem I think!

overall
I really really loved this poem. You did a great job! Every bit along the way made me feel and that's something that everyone reading poetry is looking for and really shows a lot about a quality writer!
Keep writing!
~Quill

leiilan says...

Thank you, Quill! I agree the line breaks are a bit weird, I may edit it eventually!

Points: 179
Reviews: 5

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Mon Jan 02, 2023 7:03 am

sandygarnet wrote a review...

Quite a piece you've written, Leiilan.
It seems as if the main character has given up and cannot tap onto his/her full potential and is helpless. They want to do something but are forced/expected to be doing something else. The people around the protagonist seem quite heartless since they want the main character (MC) to do their bidding even if he/she does not like it. Since the people around do not acknowledge his/her feelings or opinion, the protagonist has no regard for "the states of living" and doesn't care about "the state of death". The MC had to give up on their dreams/ choices, because of which they already feel dead inside.
As far as grammar is concerned, I think there are some errors here and there.
I felt that instead of writing, "Dead or alive, they want me to be something I can not be expected to be, "
you could've written," Dead or alive, they want me to be something they cannot expect me to be" or perhaps something else.
Plus, I feel if you would've explained who is interested in tracking down and collecting the bounty on the MC's head and what is the reward/ payment, it would've added more to the content.
My favorite line would be- "As valuable as gold, as worthless as a penny"
Good job. I look forward to reading your other works!

leiilan says...

Thank you for the feedback! I'll apply your advice in the future!

Points: 351
Reviews: 60

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Mon Jan 02, 2023 6:24 am

Sunflowerdemon3712 wrote a review...

Hello, Sunflower here for a quick (Well probably not) review!

This poem hit me like a godang bus, in all the good and good bad ways. This whole poem felt like a sort of letter to the part of one's self that feels so unsure and stuck. The poem felt as if it was begging me to listen (in a good way) asking me to listen and I could help but oblige.

"I am indifferent to the states of living, don't care for the state of death."

That was the first line that really got me, it felt like someone had grabbed me and shoved emotions straight into my brain. This line really hit me hard, because on days where I'm not feeling great these are thought's that I feel I can linger on as well and the fact that you managed to put a feelings into words is equal part astonishing as it is heartbreaking.

"What is there to get over, when I've crossed my grave a thousand times?"

This is another line I really liked because it's just such a RAW line, the structure and word choice just come together perfectly into making me get chills all the way down my arms.

This was honestly a fantastic poem, my only little complaint might be the structuring though that's more of a personal prefreance thing.Other than that it was quite enjoyable and honestly I think you're a fantastic write and if you wanted to I think you could write fantastic tragedies if you put your mind to it with a writing style like yours!

Thank you for reading, have a great night/day and keep on writing!

leiilan says...

I appreciate the kind words

Have a good day/night as well!

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Dead or Alive

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