z

Young Writers Society



Lake Girls

by lakegirls


Justin Blanche walked down the crowded halls of St. Alexander Livingston for girls and boys; he ran a hand through his dark blond tousled hair and stopped in front of his wooden locker. The sun streamed through the window, hitting his deep blue eyes so he had to shield them with his arm. It was almost as if it were telling him to leave school and go get drunk with his friends for the rest of the day. He wanted to, badly, but his parents – even though they lived in Paris – were big on school.

When Justin was fifteen his parents left to travel the world – just like they had planned to do when his father retired –and left Justin’s older brother, Benjamin, in charge of the household. Last year they decided to live in Paris full time, and left Justin and his twin brothers, Olivier and Derek, alone in the house, but they flew in every three weeks – to check on them, give them more money, etcetera – and on special occasions.

“Hey,” Cameron Gray said coming up next to Justin and opening his own locker door. Cameron’s best friend, Drew Beherd, sauntered up next to him and casually leaned against the row of wooden lockers.

A group of sophomore girls walked by and he flashed them a smile to go along with his devilishly good looks: black hair – prep school cut – blue eyes and a toned body. Basically anything you could think of to make a girl melt. The three girls giggled uncontrollably and sped past him. A smile formed on Drew’s kissable lips.

“Drew, you’re so cocky,” Cameron told him hitting his arm. Drew turned his gaze away from the cute brunette and chuckled. Justin laughed and closed his locker door without taking out any books, he could do it later.

“What can I say? The girls love me,” He drawled. He smiled cockily at his friends who grinned back knowingly. What Drew really meant is that they loved his cock – as he mentioned so many times before. “I’ll be right back, I’m going through a brunette faze,” He told the two going over to where the brunette stood, eyeing him flirtatiously.

Cameron rolled his eyes and watched as his best friend flirted with the junior girl. Cameron, unlike Drew, was more quiet and sweet and hardly ever flirted. He looked like a baby with his blond curls and blue eyes. Drew, however, was an obnoxious ass, who liked to be caught by any girl who put a net over him. Yet they were still best friends and had been since second grade when Cameron moved there, but no one really knew why.

“This message is to all students. There will be an assembly tomorrow afternoon to welcome the new principal to the school,” A nasally voice said over the PA system.

Justin and Cameron stared at Drew with interest and awe not even noticing the announcements, instead hoping to pick up some tips. They watched as Drew smiled and made the girl toss her head back in laughter. He leaned in closer to her his lips moving lightly, making her laugh even louder. She took a pen out of her locker and scribbled something down on a piece of paper for Drew. He grinned at her and walked back over to his friends, his smile widening.

“So, did you get her number?” Cameron asked as Drew came back from hitting on the curvy junior. Drew raised his eyebrows – that looked plucked – and sighed. He turned to his friend and said,

“Cam, do you really think that I wouldn’t?”

Cameron shrugged his shoulders and looked at Justin to see what he thought. Justin looked at him and laughed.

“Oh come on, Cam. He’s like the king of girls. Of course he did,” Justin commented but casted sideways glance at Drew as if to make sure his king was still king.

With a roll of his eyes Drew produced a piece of paper, which brought the aroma of flowers, and held up the digits to show the two boys. He slipped it back in his pocket – before either of them could memorize it – and glanced at his watch. Cameron met his gaze and pointed at the school clock with his eyes.

“Listen man, I’m going to go. I still have to copy Cam’s history homework,” Drew informed Justin, slinging his black leather bag over his shoulder.

Cameron looked at Drew for a minute before nodding his head and shutting his locker door. “See you at practice,” He called walking away from Justin.

“See ya later, man.” Drew followed Cameron down the hall and disappeared around the corner.

“Hi, Justin!” A bubbly freshman girl trilled bursting into Justin’s thoughts. “Bridget told me to give you this!” The freshman – who was obsessed with the idea of Justin and Bridget getting together – handed Justin a folded up piece of paper with his name written on it in Bridget’s arabesque handwriting.

Justin looked at the girl for a second, as if he were trying to profile her. He studied her for one more minute and then his face broke out in a smile.

“Thanks, Penny.” He grinned. Watching as he face lit up with pleasure because he knew her name. She was cute and all, but Justin had no interest for her, she just too… fresh.

Penny smiled again and walked back to her friends, who were waiting a mile away, too afraid to be that close to the most gorgeous guy in school. She walked into a freshmen classroom on the left hand side, giving Justin another glance.

Justin chuckled as he read the note that used the pet name that Bridget had given him after seeing Breakfast at Tiffany’s for the first time.

Justin Darling, (She wrote) meet me in the chemistry lab, as soon as you get this.

Love From,

Bridget xoxo

Justin folded the piece of paper back up and slipped it into his pants pocket and grabbed his chemistry book before shutting his locker door. As dirty thoughts filled his mind, he shoved the book in his bag and wove through the crowd of people, on his way to see his Holly Golightly.


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4101 Reviews


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Fri Nov 06, 2020 2:59 am
KateHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm Knight Hardy here on a mission to ensure that all works on YWS has at least two reviews. You will probably never see this but....Imma do this anyway.

First Impression: Well this is on first glance a pretty fun little high school scene. I think you've captured that tone beautifully and made a really fun little scene. The issue lies in the fact that its mostly just that without too much in the form of starting off a story....anyways more on that later, now for nitpicks.

Anyway let's get right to it,

Justin Blanche walked down the crowded halls of St. Alexander Livingston for girls and boys; he ran a hand through his dark blond tousled hair and stopped in front of his wooden locker. The sun streamed through the window, hitting his deep blue eyes so he had to shield them with his arm. It was almost as if it were telling him to leave school and go get drunk with his friends for the rest of the day. He wanted to, badly, but his parents – even though they lived in Paris – were big on school.


Well that's an interesting start, not necessarily getting us hooked but doing a pretty nice job of introducing the main character to us which is also very important so points for that.

When Justin was fifteen his parents left to travel the world – just like they had planned to do when his father retired –and left Justin’s older brother, Benjamin, in charge of the household. Last year they decided to live in Paris full time, and left Justin and his twin brothers, Olivier and Derek, alone in the house, but they flew in every three weeks – to check on them, give them more money, etcetera – and on special occasions.


Well that's an interesting arrangement, okay, looks like we're starting things off with some backstory fleshing out which is not a bad thing, just different.

“Hey,” Cameron Gray said coming up next to Justin and opening his own locker door. Cameron’s best friend, Drew Beherd, sauntered up next to him and casually leaned against the row of wooden lockers.


Love that entrance.

A group of sophomore girls walked by and he flashed them a smile to go along with his devilishly good looks: black hair – prep school cut – blue eyes and a toned body. Basically anything you could think of to make a girl melt. The three girls giggled uncontrollably and sped past him. A smile formed on Drew’s kissable lips.


This is so saturated with cliches that I am loving it...

Cameron rolled his eyes and watched as his best friend flirted with the junior girl. Cameron, unlike Drew, was more quiet and sweet and hardly ever flirted. He looked like a baby with his blond curls and blue eyes. Drew, however, was an obnoxious ass, who liked to be caught by any girl who put a net over him. Yet they were still best friends and had been since second grade when Cameron moved there, but no one really knew why.


That is indeed a very interesting duo but it happens...

Justin and Cameron stared at Drew with interest and awe not even noticing the announcements, instead hoping to pick up some tips. They watched as Drew smiled and made the girl toss her head back in laughter. He leaned in closer to her his lips moving lightly, making her laugh even louder. She took a pen out of her locker and scribbled something down on a piece of paper for Drew. He grinned at her and walked back over to his friends, his smile widening.


Well that's a classic one...

With a roll of his eyes Drew produced a piece of paper, which brought the aroma of flowers, and held up the digits to show the two boys. He slipped it back in his pocket – before either of them could memorize it – and glanced at his watch. Cameron met his gaze and pointed at the school clock with his eyes.


Alright well that seems like a typical move as well, now I am starting to wonder just a bit about where this is supposed to be going.

“Hi, Justin!” A bubbly freshman girl trilled bursting into Justin’s thoughts. “Bridget told me to give you this!” The freshman – who was obsessed with the idea of Justin and Bridget getting together – handed Justin a folded up piece of paper with his name written on it in Bridget’s arabesque handwriting.


Ahh a note...well maybe that will kickstart some mystery or ask some questions...

Penny smiled again and walked back to her friends, who were waiting a mile away, too afraid to be that close to the most gorgeous guy in school. She walked into a freshmen classroom on the left hand side, giving Justin another glance.


Of course...

Justin folded the piece of paper back up and slipped it into his pants pocket and grabbed his chemistry book before shutting his locker door. As dirty thoughts filled his mind, he shoved the book in his bag and wove through the crowd of people, on his way to see his Holly Golightly.


Okay well...not the worst ending at least we got something to expect though not much unfortunately...

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

Overall: Overall now that I read it a couple more times I see that there is a touch of interesting backstory and that almost throwaway bit about the new principal to get us interested but that again doesn't bode well. The fact that it took three reads to get to that point when I was specifically searching for it means that the rest of this overshadows that and doesn't quite get you excited so that's something to think about...

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry




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94 Reviews


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Tue Dec 02, 2008 7:41 pm
Jojo wrote a review...



Allright...well, that was something! Fast pacy script...high school-ey atmosphere. Unfortunately, at the end of it all, felt as if this was a bit cheap. Building up the atmosphere a bit before the contents of the note are revealed might help. Also, reorganization of the paragraphs at the beginning could turn this into good literature.





There is only one success: to be able to spend your life in your own way, and not to give others absurd maddening claims upon it.
— Christopher Darlington Morley