Tell me, Man Who Doesn't Age,
do you ever look back
and wonder at how much you've changed?
-
Your age-old deeds from days gone by
haunt you every waking hour.
They plague your seasick, swirling dreams.
Tell me, is forgiveness what you seek?
-
As time goes on you change your face:
A face? A facade? A mask?
You love and hate yourself.
Tell me, is your dark side a face too?
-
So many times you have lain down your life.
So many times you gamble with it.
You call other's bluff, but
tell me, can you call your own?
-
Why do you, the lonely angel,
seek those lesser than you
and set them on a pedestal with yourself?
Tell me- does it hurt you when they fall?
-
And why do you, the god of time,
regret the choice you made when
it was all you could have done?
Tell me, do you wish to be human?
-
Do you wish to age and decay,
to keep pace with us as we die?
Does it pain you to see us waste away?
Tell me, do you wish to follow us in death?
-
But what would we do,
without you: our guardian angel
who knows no thanks and seeks none?
Tell me, can you give that up?
-
Is it enough to know that you are loved,
even if it is me, one,
only one who knows you are good?
Tell me, will it ever be enough?
-
And tell me, Man Who Doesn't Age,
so you ever look back
and wonder at how much you've changed?
-To: The Doctor
-Love, Clara Oswald.
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Canary word: Present
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125,008 Literary Works • 672,814 Reviews
Hi ladcat13!
Yay another whovian!!! Anyway hope this review is okay compared to the lovely ones below. I honestly can't find any faults with this poem, all the expressions feel so real and raw. To be completely sincere this is exactly how I imagine Clara would write poetry and I was thinking that the whole time I read it and when I saw -Love, Clara Oswald at the bottom I was so happy! This paragraph "Why do you, the lonely angel, seek those lesser than you and set them on a pedestal with yourself? Tell me- does it hurt you when they fall?" I particularly connected with and it nearly made me cry... Thank you for this beautiful whovian poem.
~weirdbookworm
Awww, thanks! I'm so happy it touched you. When I was writing this I was thinking about what would happen if the Doctor revealed to Clara his past, and his experiences with his former companions. I was trying to imagine what her thoughts on it would be, and how she would feel about him after hearing about it. Rose, Donna, Amy & Rory, and many of his in-between companions came to somewhat unfortunate ends, and I always thought that it must hurt the Doctor whenever he thinks about them. Clara's such a caring and empathetic companion, she would feel that pain and understand why he felt that way. She'd try to make him feel better, knowing all the time that she can't fix it all. That's the tragic part about Doctor Who- the dark side of the Doctor. He's got such a bittersweet dynamic with all of his companions: a thought of "I hope this one doesn't turn out like the last" and then, at the end, a thought of "Do I never learn? Why do I keep doing this to myself?" And of course, the companion's answer is "Because you're lonely, and I'm brave/ special enough to you to fill the void for a time. Sometimes the high is worth the pain". The truly sad thing about Doctor Who is that the Doctor is caught in a never-ending cycle of die, become a new person, die, become a new person (which is incredibly scary for him each time); lose companion, overcome fear of loss, get a new one, lose companion, overcome fear of loss, get a new one; save the world/ universe, feel bad about the means and wonder if the end justifies them, save the world/ universe, feel bad about the means and wonder if the end justifies them. All the while he's just getting older and more jaded, wishing he could die and knowing at the same time that he can't- both in the sense of he physically can't and he wouldn't be able to leave the world with a sound conscience if he did. It makes me want to cry every time I think about it!
Hi ladcat13!
Yay another whovian!!! Anyway hope this review is okay compared to the lovely ones below. I honestly can't find any faults with this poem, all the expressions feel so real and raw. To be completely sincere this is exactly how I imagine Clara would write poetry and I was thinking that the whole time I read it and when I saw -Love, Clara Oswald at the bottom I was so happy! This paragraph "Why do you, the lonely angel, seek those lesser than you and set them on a pedestal with yourself? Tell me- does it hurt you when they fall?" I particularly connected with and it nearly made me cry... Thank you for this beautiful whovian poem.
~weirdbookworm
Nice work Lad! I have heard a lot about this poem and have been waiting to review it! First things first In the line, "A face? A facade? A mask?", I feel a little awkward saying it. I would consider switching a facade and a mask so it says, "A face? A mask? A facade?" I just feel it sounds less repetitive that way. Another thing is you say man who doesn't age a lot through out this poem. Every once in a while I would say un-ageing man. Other wise It is a great poem, especially since the show it's based on is pretty darn good! Great Job!
~Spaulds
Your the first person on here that i have seen that likes doctor who so WOO Doctor who buddies , They way your went into detail and explained was interesting and actually put the Doctor in a new view point to me. The end bit To: The Doctor Love ,Clara Oswald was just so sweet . I couldn't find any spelling or grammar mistakes (sorry im a bit obsessed when it comes to grammar whoops) Hope you write another doctor who themed poem because this one was just flat out awesome !
Hope you liked the feedback
-Angel ^--^
I love the style of your writing. It closely resembles my style. Great poem. Well written.
Hello! Pendr here to review. I will be making lots of corrections grammatically and with puntuation. With that being said, from one Whovian to another, geronimo! Let's review!
. I would definitely suggest capitalizing 'who' and 'wanted.'
. I'd just like to say this poem flows well and is well-written. It captures the Doctor and all his emotions and ways very well. And I like that it's from Clara's point of view because I think that makes it easier to emotionally connect as a reader/as someone that watches the show. When we watch any episode and see the Doctor in pain for any reason, we feel very similar to how Clara does in this poem. We want to ask him all the same things she did, so great job in portraying that! 
First of all, your title is a little misleading, but it's not bad. Maybe change the word 'God' to something else. It's your choice
I'd like to say that you need to capitalize the first word of every new sentence, if not every line. One place you need to do this is at "A face? a facade? a mask?" These are all new sentences and need to be capitalized. And right below that, this sentence, "you love and hate yourself.," you need to capitalize as well. Just keep an eye out for that
Also, there are just a couple places where you don't have the correct/any end punctuation. One example of this is "Your age-old deeds from days gone by
haunt you every hour" You have no period here, and you need one. Also keep an eye out for that.
"Tell me, man who doesn't age" In this line, you need a comma at the end, and you need to capitalize Man Who Doesn't Age because you are addressing him by that.
"But what would we do,
without you, our guardian angel" Here, you do not need a comma after 'would we do'
"Seek those lesser than you
And set them on a pedestal with yourself?" You need a comma after 'you' is all
The only other thing I want to point out is that sometimes you have lines that aren't the beginning of a sentence and are still capitalized because they're a new line, but other times there's a new line that's not a new sentence and it's not capitalized. It's very unconsecutive. you should either always capitalize every line or only capitalize lines if they're the beginning of a new sentence.
Alright
Thank you for sharing your art on YWS
Thanks for the help there! To be honest, I didn't think all that much about this piece. I saw a cool fanart with the words "the God who wanted to be human" and I just kinda whipped this up in one morning. But I went back and fixed what you suggested and it definitely looks better now
Well it's very good for something you just quick wrote.
Thanks! I find it ironic that my one-morning inspiration was a hit, whereas the works I slave over for weeks barely even make it out of the green room. Very funny!
Just goes to show that we shouldn't take ourselves too seriously
It is weird, and almost painful, when that happens. I think as long as you're happy with your work, you shouldn't let other's opinions change how you feel.
I love this so much that I literally cannot find words to describe it! <3 <3 <3 <3 It is just indescribably perfect in every way!! I am too excited to come up with any nitpicks. :3 * wishes there was a way to "like" something multiple times*
I loved this. Absolutely loved this. I started thinking it might be about the Doctor in the third stanza, and was pretty sure by the time "lonely angel" rolled around. I had no idea it was supposed to be from Clara until you said it was, though. I went back and re-read it immediately with that in mine, and it still worked really well. I could hear her voice easily. Very well done! Writing in character is difficult, and you pulled it off really well. I think Clara was exactly the right choice of companion to write this from the perspective of. She has that sort of gently questioning nature, plus she knows so much about the Doctor.
I also loved the repetition of the first stanza. It really brought the poem around full circle. Great ending.
Your third stanza is a bit awkward, I think. The second and fourth lines are the problem.
The repetition of "face" from the line above is what makes this line a tad awkward, I think. However, I think what you're trying to do is to equate his face with a facade/mask. To fix this, I would have the second line be "Your face, your mask," so that the stanza reads:
This would also fix the problem with the fourth line, which was basically that 'face' felt out of place because it had been repeated so much in the stanza.
Anyway, I'm not that great at reviewing poetry, so I'll leave it at that. Thanks again for a really great read!
OH MY GOD.
this is amazing.this made me almost cry. This is perfection. i love how you repeated the first line and used it at the bottom. that really concludes it and draws more attention to it. I love how you compare him to a god. (he might as well be) It really adds to his character and shows his power and might. It shows how he cannot bear to see us die, and he knows theres nothing he can do. Even if he wanted to become a human, i dont think he would, because he knows his role in the universe is too important to give up. It shows how all the stuff he goes through is changing him. I love this. i could go on forever about how spectaculacular this is, but my hands would fall off from typing by the time i got done. Overall you did awesome. There is no word for how amazing this is. Enter this in a poem competition, or something, because its just, wow.
Bravo!!!
Your YWS neighbor,
~Castiel, Angel of the Lord