Slowly, Softly, her eyes blink at me.
In their depths I am swimming,
A fish in the sea.
Slowly, softly, her lips part to laugh.
I’ll drown in that sound
If I don’t have a raft.
Slowly, softly, the moon’s silver glow
Makes her shadow go running
From her skin pale as snow.
Slowly, softly, the scent of her hair
Sets my head all afire
And my heart in a snare.
She’s sweet and divine, she’s my angel above,
And slowly, softly, I’m falling in love.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Slowly, Softly, his hands fold in mine-
Warm palms pressed together,
Our fingers entwined.
Slowly, softly, I’m starting to feel
It’s my heart, not my head,
That he’s going to steal.
Slowly, softly, from his smile I know
that he’d think I was beautiful
If I was a crow.
Slowly, softly, we’re waltzing alone;
No music; just us
And this feeling of home.
He’s sweet and divine, he’s my angel above
And slowly, softly, I’m falling in love.
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140,210 Literary Works • 673,042 Reviews
Hi there, LGF here for a review.
This was an interesting poem.
I'll get onto the positives first. I liked the simplicity of the love described. Just raw, the affection, and I really liked that. At parts it was slightly cliche, but I think you pulled off the whole love theme well.
The rhyming and flow was pretty solid and like @gueerelves I loved the repetition in it. Simple, but a device that's really useful in poems. It added to the raw, simple atmosphere of the two people and I think you used it really well. It was also a noce touch, the two peoples feelings, and yes I would suggest making the dividing line just one line.
My favorite lines where;
Slowly, softly, we’re waltzing alone;
No music; just us
And this feeling of home.
Some great imagery!
My one nitpick was that in some parts it seemed slightly cliche, sort of the ideal version of love but that's just my opinion.
Overall, a neat poem that was sweet and had some great imagery.
Keep writing;
LGF
My favorite thing about this poem is the repetition. I love repetition, and I love how you used it here. It added a feeling to the poem that would not have been present otherwise; your poem wouldn't have been half of what it was without the repetition. The same goes for the A-B-A rhyming pattern you used. Your poem would not have been nearly as good without the rhyming--and I'm not typically a fan of rhyming.
I really enjoy how you did both sides of it as well, and you divided them in the middle. For aesthetic purposes, I would suggest editing the number of dashes so it was just one line, but that has nothing to do with your poem. Anyways, like Milanimo said, I like how they reflect each other. Also, I appreciate that they have the same number of stanzas and lines--that makes it all the better.
This is really an absolutely beautiful poem. It's obvious that it's really well thought out, and your word choice seems very purposeful. Every stanza is gorgeous, but I think this is my favorite:
"Slowly, softly, we’re waltzing alone;
No music; just us
And this feeling of home."
I love the theme, the sound of it, the flow of it. Also, I'm a fan of semi colons.
Very pretty! I liked how there's a perspective from both sides, as well as a common theme. I also like how the poems basically reflect each other, and it definitely shows a strong connection between both of you. There's wonderful figurative language, alliteration, repetition, metaphors and they all mirror each other beautifully.
I have to say I didn't find any errors whatsoever. At first I wondered about the line that blocked on poem from another but upon realizing it was both I retracted my worries. Your punctuation and grammar are superb, and your word choice was obviously well-thought out. I can definitely see the care and time you took to make these poems, and your emotion can definitely be seen. You make me wish I was in love myself!
Can't wait to see more of your work!