16+ Violence

Chapter 3: Alice in Horrorland

Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for violence.

The fire blazed as Alice swam closer to the dry land. She could hear the voices of the people chanting something as they were dancing around the fire. She swam up onto the dry land and sat there for a bit, catching her breath. The voices of the people had grown louder and the fire, hotter.

Alice walked up to the fire itself, standing just outside of the circle of dancing people. She could hear the chanting clear as day. 

"Chorus circa ignis," they chanted in almost demon like voices.

The dancing slowed to a stop and the people turned to Alice. Each one of them a different bird. First there was an eaglet. The poor thing looked like a small boy but had the face of a bird and wings instead of arms. Next, was the lory, she was about the same height as Alice. Her hair was a beautiful combination of red, blue, and green and her beak was small in comparison to the next. Then there was the dodo, this woman looked very dumb, she had a very large face, with a beak to match. She had short feathered arms and a very, very confused look on her face.

"What exactly are you doing here?" The lory said.

"I wanted to dry off from the waters," Alice told her.

"Very well join us in the Caucus Dance," The lory demanded.

"What is a Caucus Dance?" Alice asked.

"We keep on dancing until the music starts," The dodo said. It spoke with trouble as if it didn't know how to form the words correctly in it's head.

"And then you'll be dry" The eaglet said.

"Okay," Alice said.

The birds started dancing again, this time Alice dancing with them. The chanting soon started up.

"Chorus circa ignis" They all chanted together as the fire seemed to shine brighter.

They danced and danced as the fire was drying them off more and more each second. Alice looked at the fire and saw something that grabbed her attention. There was a white furry hand laying outside of the fire. A hand that looked very familiar to Alice. It didn't look like the hands of the rabbit man. In the waters, Alice had seen that hand in the waters. The mouse man was inside the fire. Alice fell backwards in horror as she realized that they were burning a person.

"What are you doing," Alice yelled! "There is a man inside the fire."

"We know," The lory said as they continued to dance around the fire.

"Why is he in there?" Alice asked, still yelling.

"When he came up to our island he tried to dry us off by giving us a boring speech about William the Conqueror," The lory said.

"So I picked up a rock and hit him over the head," The eaglet said.

"And then I dragged him into the fire pit," The dodo said, smiling with a look of accomplishment.

"Then we set him on fire, the crackle of his skin and the pop of his bones as the fire overcame him, his screams seemed to pierce the darkness, I am surprised you didn't hear them" The lory said.

"He burned so nicely,"  The eaglet said, "But he died very fast, we weren't able to enjoy it."

"I was going to eat him after this. I like burned food," The dodo said.

"You sick creatures, how could you do that," Alice yelled.

"We were tired of him," The lory said.

"But, what made you thi..." Alice began as she was interrupted.

The dodo took Alice from behind and through her into the fire. She rolled out her dress now burning.

"Oh, no, no get back into the fire, yummy girl" The dodo said.

Alice screamed as the birds came at her. The lory pushed her to the ground and began beating on her. The eaglet was biting her legs and the dodo was coming closer. The birds backed off and the dodo picked up Alice again and threw into the fire. It burned her skin and the smell made her sick. She vomited into the fire. She rolled herself out and laid there, waiting to die.

A large shape shot out of the water, splashing the fire out and Alice. It grabbed the eaglet and threw it into the air. The eaglet screamed as it fell back to the cold, hard, ground covering Alice and the other birds in a red chunky liquid. The thing then grabbed the dodo crushing it in its grasp before it could even get a noise out. The lory began to run away but the shape grabbed the bird and pulled it in half, the organs spilling onto the earth.

"I really don't like people who do things like that" A voice called out, the voice that talked to Alice before the water started.

"What are you doing, who are you," Alice said weakly into the darkness.

"You will find out soon enough," The voice called out. "But for now, you can leave this room."

A bright flash almost blinded Alice. She was now in the woods, and very confused. Not to mention her wounds were now gone. She looked to the left and she saw the rabbit man and very frightened, he was.

Comments & reviews · 4
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Dracula
Review
Dracula wrote a review · Sun Apr 26, 2015 7:03 am

Hello! You've written another fantastic chapter. I only have two very minor nitpicks...

She could hear the voices of the people chanting something, as they were dancing around the fire.
The comma is not needed after something.

The eaglet screamed as it fell back to the cold, hard, ground splashing onto Alice and the other birds.
I suggest you change splashing into a different word. I don't understand how a bird can splash onto someone.

Your descriptions were pretty good, and I enjoyed this chapter as much as the other two. I love the mysterious 'voice' who seems to have power in the world, like a meddling god who is playing a game with Alice.

You've got an awesome story coming along, do keep writing! :D

I was trying to say that the eaglet hit the grown so hard that it went all over the place, i changed it to covered alice and the other birds in a chunky red liquid

That sounds perfect!

User avatar
erilea
Comment

Nothing but some grammatical errors which I'm sure are fine. However, the ending was a bit chopped and you need some more punctuation than just commas and periods. Overall very nice, just a good read through would work well. :D And don't forget to put a punctuation mark before the end of dialogue!

I went back on did some changes added some question marks, and I think like one exclamation point and I rewrote the ending, I think it's a bit better.

Yes, it is. Love your avvie!

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bbus
Comment

Yes, okay. I was just trying to make sure that all details were included that were vital for the rest of the story/chapter. But still, you got the idea across that you wanted that the dodo person (is there a name for it?) was mentally impaired

The names are the bird they are

User avatar
bbus
Review
bbus wrote a review · Wed Apr 15, 2015 5:41 pm

wow. nice writing, it really made me imagine the scenes in my mind. it was only slightly creepy when it said that they burned someone alive. the only question i have is that the dodo person spoke slowly the first time it spoke but the second time it spoke it was normal. I am just curious why that is. Overall, great story.
~bbus

I felt like I needed to explain the it spoke slowly once, I'll change it to say that it speaks with trouble or something. I'm trying to show the dodo is mentally handicapped



Education is education. We should learn everything and then choose which path to follow. Education is neither Eastern or Western; it is human.
— Malala