Warning: This work has been rated 16+.
Alice looked around for the thing watching her but she couldn't find anything. The room seemed to be getting smaller and smaller as time went by. She sat down on the floor because there was nowhere else to sit.
The rabbit man from the garden entered the room. He was carrying a fan and a pair of gloves. He was still looking at his watch and frantically running. Alice studied the rabbit man more carefully. He had rather long whiskers and his outfit was rather sane. The arm his watch was on, his left arm, was cut multiple times. It was as if the rabbit had become mad and cut his own arm.
The rabbit man set down the gloves and the fan, to look at his watch more clearly.
"Oh my, I am very late indeed, the queen will have my head, I must go" The rabbit man said as he ran to the door, unlocked, and left.
The door clicked behind him, the fan and the gloves still on the floor.
"How did I get myself into this," Alice said to herself, "And how am I suppose to get out."
A single tear fell down Alice's face and into her lap.
"Don't worry child," A voice called from nowhere.
"Who is it," Alice called back.
"A friend, or an enemy," The voice said back, "Have fun."
"Wait, what's happening," Alice called.
"You have three minutes to find your escape, or else you might just stay in this room forever," The voice laughed, drifting into silence.
A coldness spread over Alice. She looked down at her feet and dark black water had begun to spread through the room. She stood up, her giant form hitting the ceiling cutting her head. The water began rising, the coldness spreading across her legs. While the warm blood fell down here face from her new wound.
Time speed up; seconds became milliseconds, minutes to seconds. The water continued to rise up to her shins and then to her thighs. The darkness seemed to be swallowing her. At the other end of the room she saw an item bobbing up and down on the water.
She splashed through the dark waters, her head throbbing, to get to the item. Her dress getting more and more wet with every step she took. The waters were now up to her knees. Halfway through the room she slipped and fell into the water. The shivering cold spread over her entire body. She tried to breathe but all she found was the cold dark water. She felt as if she were losing herself to the cold She picked herself up and coughed up water. She picked her hair away from her face and she saw the item right in front of her. It was the fan, that the rabbit man had left behind.
"If drinks can make you small," Alice said through coughs as she picked up the fan, "Then maybe a fan can blow away this water."
She began to fan the air around her but all it way doing was making the room bigger and bringing the water closer to her. The water kept getting closer and closer until Alice was swimming it it. The room was completely rather dark, she could barely see a thing.
Alice turned her head at the sound of something splashing in the water, over in the distance. Alice swam to the sound and was very shocked to discover that he had the features of a mouse. He had a pink nose, and long whiskers. His face was small and his eyes were very beady. Strangely though he had the arms of a man.
"Excuse me sir," Alice asked, "Would you mind telling me where I am."
"We are in the dark waters of the cat," The mouse man shivered, "We must get out of these waters before it gets us."
"Before what gets us?" Alice asked.
"The cat," The mouse man yelled.
"And what is wrong with the cat," Alice asked?
"The cat is the one that made these waters, he will make sure that no animal leaves them alive," He said.
Something brushed up against Alice's leg.
"I think there may be something in the water" Alice said
"It's him, the cat has come for us" The mouse man said as he swam as fast as possible in the other direction.
The thing brushed against Alice's leg once more. She began swimming slower than the mouse man, but still in a sense of urgency. She could feel the thing moving behind her, gaining on her. She increased her speed and so did the thing. She kept swimming and the thing grabbed her leg and pulled her under. She could feel the cold water all around her again.
She wouldn't breathe, dare she drown. The thing began circling around her, getting closer, and closer, and closer, until she could feel the bubbly breath of the beast around her. She tried to swim up but the thing brought her back down, cutting her leg spilling blood into the dark waters. Her lungs began to strain against the lack of air. She felt the thing brushing up against her, it was slimy, not cat like at all. She grabbed it, pushed it away, and swam as hard as she could and broke surface.
She took a deep breath in and out to get her lungs working properly. In the distance she saw an small shelf with various people on it dancing around a fire. Finally a salvation to the loneliness that she had been through. A light in the dark.
End of chapter
Continue to next chapter Chapter 3: Alice in HorrorlandPoints:
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I loved the first chapter of this story, and the second was just as enticing! I love that you aren't completely following the original Alice in Wonderland storyline, because now the story is becoming one of your own. There were a few grammatical errors, but I could always understand the point you were trying to get across without too much difficulty. As long as I am understanding everything correctly, she never did figure out what was watching her in the room, and I am wondering if you will interpret that into the story later? I know that an unknown voice talked to her while she was in the room, and I assume that it was that 'thing', but you never know. If you don't interpret it later it's no big deal, just my curiosity. I like that the "people" in the story are neither animals nor people. It's a great use of imagination, and very fun to picture in my mind. I think this is also very good for you keeping things original. I absolutely LOVE the last line of this chapter. It is so gosh darn poetic it almost brought me to tears, haha, but seriously it is just perfect, and I hope that you realize just how PERFECT that ending line was.
Alice as a character is very enticing. She's obviously smart and thinks things through, yet is curious enough to get herself into precarious predicaments; this is very close to the original Alice character. I love her a lot, because she brings out the girl in everyone. She is head strong and smart and feels like she knows everything sometimes, and other times she's terrified and wants nothing more than for an obvious sign to appear and point her in the right direction (I can definitely relate to both.)
I am just so excited, still, to see where you are going to take this. I'm not sure what's going to happen because you are adding original stuff, but if the rest of the story is as fantastic as these first two chapters, I'm almost positive that it will be incredible. Keep up the great writing!
Greetings krow02!! The Wizard is here to review your second chapter!
Firstly, I want to congratulate you. Your paragraph structure has improved light years. It almost made me feel proud for your part. Good job.
Okay, onward to the review.
You could simply have said he "entered the room". It is shorter than "came into".
A watch can't be "in" an arm (unless it was surgically inserted or this is a SciFi story, both of which aren't true here) It should be "on".
Replace the comma between "head" and "I" with a full stop. "I must go" should be a new sentence, and replace the comma after that with an exclamation mark (gives the impression of haste) Also, I can see you have started improving when using punctuation at dialogue. You're a quick learner. I like that.
I liked this part. You build suspense nicely, which will come in handy later when we get to the horror parts. Just a minor nitpick, instead of "Time seemed to go fast", why not rather write "Time seemed to speed up" or "The time seemed to slip through Alice's fingers", both examples followed by a semicolon, and then the rest of that sentence.
It should be:
Moving on.
Rather it like this:
It might be longer than the original, but it just makes it sound more logical.
Typo alert. "as" should be "at".
Second typo. You wrote "em" instead "me". That's what happens when you type too fast...
The question mark should be inside the quotation marks, with a full stop behind asked. Like this:
Typo three!
You wrote "ad" instead of "as".
I especially like the last three paragraphs. They're well written, and I could feel every moment you described. Bravo.
Overall, this piece is 200% better than the first chapter (No offense) I think it is because the story is becoming more lively, and I can see you're excellent at writing suspense and action. I therefore rate this chapter 7.5 out of ten. Excellent improvement!!
By the way, please keep me updated on when you publish your next chapters. I'd like to see how this tale progresses.
Yours sincerely,
The Wandering Wizard
Thank you again for reviewing my work. I really appreciate how critical you always are. It really makes me a better writer.
Because your first chapter sounded so exciting, I've come to read your next! This will be fun.

There are just a few things to fix...
At the start, you should mention that something was watching her because she looks for her. The way you wrote it was a little confusing. Also, I noticed that at one point Alice asked herself questions, but you used full stops instead of question marks.
He dress getting more and more wet with every step she took.
Her* because Alice is a girl. :p
This version of Wonderland is so coooool! I love the waters of the cat, that's completely original and a great addition to the story. On that note, I'd like to mention how good it is that you are adding your own touches to the story, and not just using the original plot. I'm interested to read on and find out how the people dancing around the fire are going to be used, this is a horror story, after all!
I always hated Alice in Wonderland, both the movies and books. I found them painful to read and keep up with and irritatingly weird. I've read different takes on Alice and some I liked some I disliked. This one, I like. I'm intrigued and will return for more.

"Excuse me sir," Alice asked, "Would you mind telling em where I am."
You meant 'me' but wrote 'em' an easy mistake easily fixed.
"I think there may be something in the water" Alice said
Not entirely sure, but I believe a period is required after Alice.
I like the way you describe your characters, mouse man is going to be my favorite. This has my interest, which is every writers goal, to capture and hold the readers interest, which you did right here with me. Very good. Feel free to read and review my writing