Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language and mature content.
Darkness. Everything around me was surrounded in darkness. There was not a speck of light…until I saw a speck of it piercing through the darkness. For the first time, I could hear the pod opening up. My eyes slowly fluttered open. However, the light was too bright and my sight started to burn. It was the first time I’ve ever used my eyes in a very long time. I could feel the blue liquid encasing my body and the bubbles that floated around me.
Suddenly, I felt a couple of hands grabbing me before pulling me out of the pod. My vision was still blurry, so I couldn’t tell who it was that woke me up.
“Are you sure he’s alive? He looks dead to me?” I heard a child’s voice. Was it children that awoke me?
“He is alive. I could hear his heart beating right when we opened his prison.” Now, a mature woman’s voice can be heard. Maybe, she woke me up. I felt myself being dropped. But, instead of feeling the hard floor, my landing felt soft like landing on a cloud.
Finally, my vision returned. I was taken aback by the sight of a beautiful woman with crazy pink hair and in a pink puffy dress. However, the sight of her exposed cleavage made my face turn red.
She smiled at me and said warmly, “My, it’s good that you’re awake!”
“So, this is a human! I thought they were all extinct!” standing at the side of the bed was a girl with blue skin in a green dress. I jumped at her presence. I didn’t know if that little girl had some sort of skin condition, or something, because I’ve never seen someone with blue skin, unless you count smurfs.
Hold on! Did that little girl just say that humans were extinct?! Just how long have I been asleep?
“Can you understand me?! If so, please answer anyway you can?!” the mature woman shouted inquisitively, turning away from the little girl and stared directly into my eyes.
She had such beautiful blue eyes. They felt so hospitable and friendly. I didn’t want to keep the woman waiting, so I answered her.
“Y-yeah, I can understand you. Where am I?” I asked softly, feeling a little weak from waking up.
The woman stammered, probably astonished that I was speaking the same language as her.
“Y-you speak the same language,” she confirmed.
“What is your name, if I may ask?”
I gingerly lifted my body up. Groaning, I answered gruntingly, “My name is…my name is…Akira, and I am on of the ‘Selected’ to be put in the stasis pod. That’s all I can remember.”
“Oh, you poor thing!” she gasped in concern.
“No! No! Don’t get me wrong, I can remember certain things like history and sciences, but…I can’t remember much of my past.” I added.
She still had the same worrisome expression.
Her tone changed when she introduced herself, “My name is Queen Sugar, ruler of Candytopia, and you are lying in my personal bedchambers, Akira.”
I kind of figured it was from looking around and taking notice of the French Rococo-style decorations and the large portrait of the queen hanging above the doorway. Standing on my right was a large oak wardrobe while standing on my left was a white vanity set with a stool and three mirrors. Lastly, the color of the room was beige with a hint of ocean blue, which brought life to the room.
Just then, another child walked into the room. This time, it was a child with orange skin with white stripes. My eyes widened as I was taken aback. From the look at the kid, he resembled a piece of candy corn.
“What are you lookin’ at?!” the kid irate.
“Danny! You be nice! He’s our guest!” the queen scolded the boy.
That’s when it hit me.
“You said ‘Candytopia,’ right? So, does that mean everyone is made out of candy, or is the entire kingdom in general made of candy,” I questioned, having my eyebrow arched.
“Well…the people are made of candy, but the rest of the kingdom is not,” she explained.
“Does that mean you’re made of candy, also?” I asked skeptically.
She nodded, “Of course.”
“That doesn’t make any sense! Candy is an inorganic substance made from artificial materials and sugars! It’s incapable of obtaining sentience!” I pointed out loudly.
At first, I thought she would be offended by my outburst. Instead, Queen Sugar just giggled with her hand above her pink glossed lips. She reached and grabbed my hand, and helped me up off the bed.
“Come, let me show me show that the impossible can be possible.” Right when I stood up, my knees quivered and I collapsed to the floor.
The queen gasped, “Oh my Gods!” with both hands to her mouth. She crouched down to help me up.
I waved my hand and flashed a half-hearted grin. Then I remarked, “It’s okay! When you’ve been sleeping in pod for so long, you would temporarily lose the feeling in your legs.”
Steadily, I raised myself up and balanced my composure, albeit still feeling my legs trembling a bit. Then I proceeded to follow the queen onto the balcony. There, she presented me with a view of her entire kingdom.
It was nighttime with the whole village surrounding the castle beginning to brighten with streetlights. I was bewildered by the view in front of me; people below made out of candy, walking about as they entered their homes. However, when I looked around, something about the structure of the area seemed…familiar.
“Now, do you still doubt such a thing is possible?”
My attention turned to the queen’s whose face was about two inches close to mine, which took me aback with my face blushing.
“Okay…I’ll take your word for it. Maybe, it’s not impossible for sentient candy to exist,” I admitted in defeat.
I still couldn’t believe it. An entire civilization where everyone was made out of candy, how is that even scientifically plausible. I guess the chemicals those crooked food production plants keep putting in our food really do have mutagenic effects. Then again, when looking at the queen, there might be some human DNA in the candy people, explaining their anatomy.
Turning back to the Queen, I asked with a calm demeanor, “Would it be okay if I walk around the village. I want to know more of what happened while I was asleep.” The queen denied. She shook her head before saying, “I’m sorry, but it’s too late to be wondering about. Everyone outside is getting ready for curfew.”
She placed a hand on my shoulder and stated promisingly, “How about we wait until tomorrow. Then, I could arrange for a tour around the kingdom. First, I’ll have the staff arrange a guest bedroom for you to stay in until then.”
At first, I was a little discouraged that I wouldn’t get the chance to learn about what happened to the world. Then again, I was still a little fatigued from hibernating for God knows how long, and I probably do needed the rest before venturing around town.
Shrugging my shoulders, I responded in compliance, “That sounds good enough. A good night sleep might help me.” Just because I was stuck in a pod, didn’t mean I wasn’t tired.
The queen whistled with two fingers in her mouth, which caused me to jump a bit. The bedroom doors burst opened and walking through was what looked like a young woman with light skin, red eyes, and long blondish hair with sprinkles on the scalp. Like the queen, she looked humanoid to the point she could pass as being human. She was dressed in a black maid outfit with a long skirt and a white apron, wearing a white headband, gloves, and a pair of pantyhose under a pair of black platform pumps.
“Algida, please take our guest to the guest room, so that he may get ready for bed,” the queen ordered.
The maid’s expression remained indifferent as she looked at me. Then she nodded in comply.
I looked at the queen and asked nervously, “Are you sure this is necessary?”
“~Oh! Are you suggesting you wish to sleep with me?! We only just met and you want to do naughty things!” she teased, smiling mischievously while in a flirtatious tone.
I sighed annoyingly and deadpanned, “No! That’s not what I’m suggesting!”
After that was over, I was escorted y her maid, Algida, out of the queen’s bedchambers and down the hallway to the next wing. From looking at both the east wing and the west wing, I could tell there were a lot of rooms in the castle. As we walked, I noticed that the maid hadn’t looked at me and was focused on what was in front of her, which gave me a somewhat unnerving feeling.
“So…you surprised to see a human, huh?” I inquired.
Her response was brief and plain, “Not really. Discovery doesn’t interest me,” her accent sounded foreign, almost Balkan.
I was a little miffed for the response. I brushed it off as we made it down the hall. We turned right and entered a vacant room. Unlike the queen’s bedroom, the guest room had an Elizabethan-style of decoration with a small, single-person oak bed with an apothecary table at the end, a wooden dresser with a large mirror, and a dish with a towel and a picture of water for washing my face.
I stood in front of the mirror, staring at the black bodysuit that I was wearing. I started to strip, but realized that the maid was still standing at the doorway.
“Do you mind giving me some privacy, or are you just going to stay and watch the strip show?” I mused with a smirk.
She deadpanned and retorted, “Sorry, but you’re not my type! I’m just waiting here to see if you need anything!” frankly, that hurt emotionally. Even if she wasn’t human, it still stung to get shot down.
“That’s okay…I don’t need anything else.”
Then she turned and left, closing the door behind her and leaving me alone. I was now naked. I folded my bodysuit and laid it on top of the dresser. Once I pulled the white bedspread back, I extinguished the kerosene lantern on the nightstand and lied under the sheets, shutting my eyes as I slumbered in the dark.
As I slept, I began having peculiar dreams. Dreams of fire and war as screams of terror surrounded me. I could even hear the sound of bombs dropping in the background. I was standing in the middle of nowhere, terrified as I was surrounded by fire and the smell of blood filled my nostrils. With a deep breath, I screamed.
My eyes opened widely. I leaned up. I breathed heavily with my face drenched in sweat. Moving the sheets over, I got out of bed and went over to the mirror, staring at my reflection while tracing a hand across my black, spikey hair. Suddenly, I jumped when I heard the door flew open.
“Good morning, Akira, I hope you had a goodnight sleep!”
I turned and saw the queen and her maid sauntering in.
She continued, “Since you are our guest, we’ve prepare a special breakfast for yo…”
However, she trailed off with her mouth-hung agape. I even saw her face turned dark red, almost like she was embarrassed about something. That’s when it hit me. I looked down and grabbed whatever was close to me—the wash dish—and hid my crotch behind it. Hopefully, she didn’t see all of my “morning wood.”
“Do you mind if you wait outside while I change?” I asked embarrassingly.
“S-sure! I’ll…be outside when you’re finish!” Reassured the Queen, taking a step back before shutting the door behind her. Her maid followed her as well.
15-minutes-later…
After I got dress, the queen gave me a tour outside of the castle. We wandered around while being accompanied by her personal guards, and wherever we went, we were met with expressions of admiration and/or bewilderment, either towards the princess or myself.
“This, here, is the village that surrounds the castle. It is where most of my denizens reside and go about their daily lives,” Explained Queen Sugar, gesturing a hand to the surrounding area.
When we walked, most of the candy people started kneeling before the queen as we walked on by. However, the Queen wanted us to avoid the direction to our left, saying that it was “the red light district of the town”.
Arching an eyebrow, I questioned, “Why would you allow your citizens to open up a red light district?”
The queen playfully bumped her own head, replying, “That was a mistake that flew over my head! It was a big oopsie I really need to look back over!”
We moved along, as we turned right. While proceeding to the east, something about the structures that caught my eye pegged my interest. I asked the queen if we could go visit it and she obliged, and in the next 20 minutes, we strolled over where my eyes widened in shock from what I was seeing.
“This ancient site has baffled our archeologists for many years. We don’t know what purpose the humans have for these strange constructs, but we have many theories on what they, supposedly, did with them. Would you like to hear them?”
The Queen didn’t realize that I wasn’t paying attention to her. I was too busy having fallen to my knees as I felt my own tears fall down from my face. I turned around, noticing the Queen’s concerned expression.
“This…this was Tomorrowland! I think this was the last time I saw my mother!” I whimpered somberly.
They looked confused. I could understand them. The only problem was to explain what I was saying.
End of chapter
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I like the way you started the chapter off with Akira's perspective on being awoken. I like the dynamic between him and Queen Sugar. Such as when she teased him about sleeping together. At first, when he stripped, I found it odd that he slept naked. But I had a good laugh when Queen Sugar saw him in his birthday suit! At the end, I was expecting the structure to be something simple and trivial. I was not expecting it to hold any importance concerning Akira's past.
Ah as soon as I started reading I knew you switched point of views, very good. That's somethings not accomplish with some works. Yet hopefully you described the pod more, I was hoping to know how big it was for a 16-year-old human to fit in there.
Awoken, maybe?
Yes! I love how you separated his thoughts from the dialogue and the rest of your words. That's something you need to do when he regains his memory.
show you
I believe you meant to put that after face.
Okay, so the last sentence I'm a little miffed about. Shouldn't explaining be the answer to their confused faces. Or he could at least that it's something he can't explain at the moment. Or this is where the memory should start and you trail off into the next chapter like you have it now.
Still very well written. There was another little mistake that I saw in there but I can't find it now. Yet I feel his slight banter with the maid is too early. He just woke up in a strange new word, although I love that his sense of humor survived, should he really be feeling hurt that the maid wasn't interested in seeing his body? Although it was a quirky little tiff that was a bit funny, I don't feel like he should've been hurt emotionally.
Either way, you wrote it so you will know. Please can you keep me updated for when you post the next chapter, chapter 3. I would love to read it.
Good work and Good luck Tottles
Heya Kman! Casanova here to do a review!
The first thing I noticed was this line-
The comma here makes the line sound completely off, and I would suggest taking it out as it adds nothing to the line. There's no effect besides an unnatural pause here. Anyway, on to my next point.
I like the switch from third person to first person from your prologue. I feel like you give us more in this point of view, so thank you for that.
Character description is absolutely wonderful in this, so I give you props for that.
One thing I noticed was how serious the narrator is. I know in this situation would cause someone to be rather confused and serious, but in this part-
I was hoping for at least a crack up, instead of containing the seriousness. You do break this, however, in one spot-
And in this line the narrator does get a little snarky, and I like the sense of personality here. Instead of just confusion or seriousness, you give us something through dialogue, so props for that.
I'm really interested in where your plot will go. When I first read over this it seemed like a serious novel based on Adventure Time(Sorry if that's an insult, but it's the first thing I noticed), but it evened out towards the end of the chapter.
I like the switching of things like,"He said," and,"she asked," to,"the queen ordered," and things like that. Really adds a tone to the story, if you get what I'm meaning.
Over all I feel like you have strong characters and plot, and I'm interested to see where this goes. That's all I have to say, hope this helped.
Keep on doing what you're doing, and keep on keeping on.
Sincerely, Matthew Casanova Aaron
This was quite interesting. It reminds me a bit of Adventure Time or Candyland. As for him being the last human... I'd like to know more about how that happened, but I'm thinking you'll probably put that in later chapters. I'm glad you didn't have it where we couldn't understand what people were saying, like putting their dialogue in another language or something. It makes it harder to read.
The people of Candytopia speak english while other possible nations may speak certain languages.
Also, since they're placed in Los Angeles, there might be some multilinguism depending on the individual. The reason why i say that is because Candytopia is settled in what use to be Disneyland.
Cool. I thought it sounded familiar.
you mean Tomorrowland? or candytopia?
tomorrowland
thank you