So, not to get all personal (well I suppose posting this in the first place is making it personal) but this is based on true thoughts, feelings, and (near) actions. But I am healthy now, so enjoy.
I've cried myself to sleep since five
Where I had no control at
Fantasized of death since ten
But you didn't need to know that
Professed my hate so many times
But only meant it in my head
Clenched a knife up to my wrist
But couldn't bear to see the red
Sweet Russia called on out to me and held a warm embrace
But upon this act I spat her out, for bitter was the taste
Small blue tubes wiggled around the bruised palm of my hand
But choke them down I couldn't
Ropes and wire I lifted up
But wring my neck they wouldn't
Drafting somber letters encompassed my thoughts
But as soon as I held paper, blank is what they brought
I've bordered busy streets from the harbor of my sidewalk
But as soon as I intend to leap my neighbor starts to talk
Family never crosses mind
But never I forget them
Earthly friendships I claim meaningless
But to this gut says "ahem"
Start shoot across the sky as night sets in its fear
I sit upon my window ledge wondering why I'm here
I stood upon the rotten wood, my hand fastened to the wall
But a though popped in, and i decided that the cement couldn't break my fall
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139,534 Literary Works • 672,600 Reviews
I really liked the poem.
But I think you need to add some punctuation in your stanza's so that everybody can tell when a stanza begins and ends.
And also, you have a few spelling errors and I didn't like how used some of the words in this peticuliar poem.
I'm sorry if this is harsh because its not intended to be.
But overall, I love the story your telling and it really is something I can relate to so that makes it even better when its coming your heart.
Good job!
-Rem
I thought this was really good.
It's hard to talk about depression and suicidal thoughts and make it unique from all the other poetry of the same theme, but you did. There was a really good tone and wording to this (creative lines like "I've bordered busy streets from the harbor of my sidewalk" just make me a happy inside, I love them), but I think the pace could've been improved by a little more punctuation (without it I personally speed up my thoughts with every line I read). There was a spelling thing or two, little insignificant things like that, but the core of this poem is really, really deep.
Keep writing,
StoryWeaver
I love this poem. One thing for sure, there are people who think and feel the same.
This is my favorite line. This poem touched me instantly. Keep writing, i would love to see more of your thought.