Chapter 1.2 New Novella (Untitled)

I’m no longer facing the little old house when my eyes fly open. It’s just a reflex. A switch flicks on- a switch of paranoia.

What if somebody heard me? What if they come after me? Stop it, Ronnie, you’re out in the country. Snap out of it. No one’s going to pay any mind to a single gunshot, miles outside of town. They’ll think it was hunters. They’ll think it was harmless. They’ll think-

Okay. Shut up! You’re fine! You sound crazy!

Well, maybe I am crazy. Anyone who talks to themselves this much is definitely crazy.

My footsteps ring across the thick trees, bouncing from one branch to another, echoing from one twig to the next. Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe-

I hear a something snap about ten feet away.

I whip my gun out before I can finish blinking and point it towards the sound. I scan the immediate area a few times before I inch closer to the group of trees that could be protecting one of them. One of the scumbags trying to kill us all when we’re just trying to save the entire country, possibly the planet. But no big deal- no need to thank us or anything.

I hear the rustling again, and I freeze.

My hand is still alive, because before I realize what I’m doing, my forefinger is quivering around the trigger.

“Gotcha!” is the only thing I hear before a body pops out from behind the trees, grinning like an idiot.

I catch my finger with less than a split second to spare.

I almost shot him.

I almost shot Terrance!

“You fucking jackass!” I throw my gun down and stomp towards him. He’s laughing. He has the nerve to be laughing in my face right now. I slap my hands against his chest and he stumbles back, taken off guard, but he’s still cracking himself up over here.

“I fooled you so good, Ron! You should have seen you’re face!”

I slap him across the arms with as much force as I can muster in this state, but it barely phases him. Terrance can never get enough of himself.

“I could have killed you! You are such a motherfucking moron. Don’t you ever learn?”

There are actual tears streaming down his face now. Visible. Glistening. Tears.

I am done here.

I shoot around Terrance’ body, convulsing hysterically, and stomp my way out of the woods. And I don’t care about leaving my gun behind. If they want to kill me, let them try.

I hear leaves crunching a safe distance behind me, so I pick up the pace. Faded orange and crimson red blur by me in angry shades, which propels me into a full on sprint.

“Ron, come on!” I finally hear when I spot my car in the hidden place I parked. “It was just a joke. You’ve just seemed so wound up lately I thought it would-“

I spin around on my heel and my face is on fire. I’m about to explode. I am about to lose it and rip my rifle out of Terrance’s sleazy hands and put a bullet straight through that pretty skull.

“And you thought it would what?” I seethe, “loosen me up? Calm me down? Get a good laugh out of me? I just killed a ten year old. I just shot him and now he’s dead. What? Do you want me to break down in hysterics when you pop up like a jack in the box after I’ve just murdered-“ my lip starts to quiver, so I stop. I turn, and I’m about to leave.

“He was twelve,” he corrects me.

“You’re kidding,” now I really do laugh, “You think that makes it any better?”

“You know it’s not murder,” he says, “you know what would happen if you hadn’t killed him yourself.”

“I know, I know.” I interject, “The poison. But it doesn’t help. It doesn’t make me feel any better about shooting innocent kids in the head, okay?”

“I know,” he nods.

I shake my head and hop into my car. I slam the door and my whole jeep rattles. Then I start to cry. My shoulders begin to shake and my breaths are labored, like I’m a washed up pregnant whale gasping, begging for the relief of water pouring over me. Once it starts, it never ends. I hold it in until my tank is full, and then it bursts and leaks into the crevices of my guilt and sorrow and hurt. All of the things that I hold in so that I can carry out my duties for the people I risk my life for every day.

He makes his way into the passenger seat before I can catch a breath. I forgot to lock the damn doors- of course!

He wraps an arm around my shoulder and lets me fold into myself, unraveling until I am nothing and the world is black and everything is okay. But everything is not okay.

Everything is so far from being okay.