Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language and violence.
CHAPTER 4: THE MEDICAL MAN
Lights. The brightest lights. Even in the medical man's room last time, the lights weren't this bright. The medical man took me out of the carrier and placed me on this table, then left. Now, he returns, with a long metal stick, attached to a vial of liquid. What's that for?
He puts the stick into my spine, and I can feel it pushing forward, flooding liquid into my muscle. Suddenly, pain flows through me. Similar to the burning, when I was in the fridge, but somehow worse. I yowl in pain, seizing, but he just stands there, watching. He lowers his hand, holding my head and back still. My head is exploding, every one of my nerves screams. Not only does it burn, it aches, feels freezing, stings, and prickles, as if every nerve is sending every message possible.
Then, it stops. Suddenly, the pain releases, as if it was never there. In fact, I feel better! I stand up, looking around, realizing I'm in a metal-string box. Where am I now? I see, outside of the box, other boxes, with animals of all sorts in them, although something is off with them. They're all.. dead. Or at least most of them.. I can see a rabbit twitch, a black cat tries to lift it's head up, barely managing. What's going on? All of these animals are sick! Why hasn't the medical man made them better?
Looking up at him, I can see him staring at me in amazement. Do something about them! He looks at his wrist as an odd blaring noise comes from it. He's wearing a rubber band, just like the one dad has. Hearing the noise jumpstarts him, and he digs around in a cardboard box, pulling out another metal stick. He better not stab me with one of those again. I'm already better! But no, he turns toward the rabbit, opening it's box.
He sticks the rabbit, and it jumps up, jerking around wildly, seizing with the pain I know it must be experiencing. After a painful minute of this, it collapses again, and somehow, even through all the other scents of the same thing, I can smell the death wafting from it.
The medical man slams the stick down, yelling and using words I only hear from anger. He picks up the rabbit's box, carrying it off into another room. What's in there? What's he doing with that rabbit? Why did he kill it? Is he going to do the same to me? No, no, no! I need to get out of here, now. Before I die too.
I look around, desperately trying to find a way out of my box. There's a door, but its blocked by a hatch. The metal's too strong to tear. Please let me out of here! The box feels claustrophobic, I can't breathe, I slam against the sides of the box, trying to open them. I cant die in here, I cant!
The medicine man returns. Seeing me struggle, he grabs another stick. No! He's going to kill me! He can't! He grabs my scruff, holding me down. I bite him, trying to escape, but he seems like he barely feels it. He sticks the thing into my neck, then pulls his hand out and closes the box again.
This time, it doesn't hurt. Is this a different thing? How many different concoction sticks does he have? Suddenly, I'm very tired. I fall down in my box, unable to hold myself up. Is this it? Has he killed me? I shut my eyes, and, calmer than ever, dream. I dream of my humans, Tyra, mom, and dad. When they found me, outside, in the streets. When they took me in, being patient with my foolishly mistrusting self. When they saw me cough up blood, and took me to someone who would fix it. I miss my humans. I wish I could see them again.
CHAPTER 5: FRIENDS?
When I wake up, I see the medical man staring down at me. Get away! He reaches down towards me, and I swipe at him, digging my claws in his hand. He pulls away, grabbing my paw and pulling my claws out of his flesh. He sighs. Is he.. annoyed with me? He tried to kill me!
He looks down at me with.. something, in his eyes. Is it pity? "I'm Onyx," he tells me. "You are test subject 17." Test subject? What does that mean? 'Test subject 17' isn't much of a name at all.
He taps on the table next to me and, turning, I see another cat, a silver tom. "This is Test subject 5." The medical man, Onyx, turns and leaves the room, leaving me and 5 to make acquaintance. "Hi! I'm 17, you're 5? Aren't these such odd names? Maybe we should make our own names. Maybe we should make our own whole language!-" Though I'm trying to befriend him, he cuts me off, hissing. "Shut. Up. We're not friends. We're not going to be friends. As soon as i can, I'm leaving this place, and everything in it, behind me, including you."
"Oh.. Ok. Sorry." Wow, he's kinda mean. Maybe he's just tired. This place is pretty stressing. If he's so tired, why doesn't he sleep? Instead, he's just staring at me, with anger, but also.. pity, and confusion. "What? Why are you staring at me?" After a moment, he replies, "how.. how old are you?" What an odd question. "3 months. What about you?" Is that sadness on his face? Just because I'm younger doesn't mean I'm just some kitten! "I'm.. 12 years old. I think." 12 years? That's a senior!
"Wow! You're old!" I say this before I realize how mean it sounds. "Ha, yeah.. I guess I am."
End of chapter
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139,273 Literary Works • 672,523 Reviews
Hello there, human! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today!
Shalt we commence with the morbid S’more?
Top Graham Cracker - Otto is taken to a place that is DEFINITELY not a hospital, where other animals are being tortured and tested. He’s called by a name that isn’t a name and the thought of even making friends seems impossible.
Slightly Burnt Marshmallow - You forgot to put in ‘ for when you are using the word “can’t”, but that’s just one little thing.
Chocolate Bar - I love how you described the way Otto wants to become friends with the other cat, but the other cat isn’t having it. He’s very clearly young and naive, still hopeful even with everything bad happening to him. I also like how Otto wants the other animals to be safe, he doesn’t like seeing them suffer. He’s so caring. ^v^
Closing Graham Cracker - Overall, a very sad chapter that is just revealing how terrible this world really is. I see that there is a third chapter and I will be sure to read it tomorrow. I feel like Otto is going to get a rude awakening and I don’t want to see that, but alas, I feel like it must. Now…
I wish you a fantastic day/night! ^v^
Hiya! Thanks for reviewing!
Yw!
Hey there. Finally reached November to properly follow this story. So. Last time, the poor kitten was left outside alone and then picked up by medical men. AH no. He’s just in a carrier. So, let’s continue!... nvm the chapter title is “medical man” sooo. I am a bit tired, long day, bear with me xd
I like this description: “as if every nerve is sending every message possible”
You don’t need the “suddenly” here, because you lead with a “then it stops” so it feels a bit redundant: “ Suddenly, the pain releases, “
After such a harrowing experience I feel like this: “In fact, I feel better!” doesn’t really do the poor kitty justice. I wanted a better description of that. Maybe taking stock of previous injuries (aside from the obvious pain that is no longer there) that are now healed would also be good reminder on what else the kitty survived last chapter?
Also since you describe the room next sentence, you could make this a new paragraph. The subject has changed from “no more pain” to “where am I” which warrants a new paragraph.
Also interesting that our MC already comes equipped with empathy, even before the serum or whatever the doc did to him takes effect. Caring abt other beings that he doesn’t know isn’t standard cat behaviour. Maybe that is part of why the …medicine works on him instead of killing him? (My current theory: either it’s something against radiation or smthing that makes Otto smarter)
Oooh the theories multiply: “just like the one dad has” maybe mr cat owner also works in the same lab and already gave Otto stuff and THIS is why he didn’t die???
Shouldn’t it be “sticks it into” or “pricks” here: “He sticks the rabbit”?
Ah remember it’s “I can’t” with an apostrophe: “I cant die in here, I cant!”
Hmm wish there were more descriptions than just “ I see another cat, a silver tom.” This feels like a good moment to head into this. Noting that our MC is surprised to see him then describe the other cat in detail. Feels like a cat would take more care to describe another of its own species than when it tries to describe a human, right?
Ah and the paragraphing issues continue. Please don’t put multiple different speakers into one paragraph. That gets confusing very fast!
Hooo and mr silver cat is projecting much here, huh? “I'm leaving this place, and everything in it, behind me, including you”
Hi! I really like the suspense in this chapter! You could really feel Subject 17's fear and slight sillyness! I really love Supject 5's emotion and how it is conveyed! I like especially how he is sad about the fact that 17 is as young as he is, since he is a senior, I also really like that your paragraphs are evenly spaced out, and not a mess like mine lol.
yippiee! thanks for reviewing! your paragraphs are great though lol
First thing I have read, I like it... that's all I can think of
thanks!