The City, Part Nine, death?

CHAPTER 34 (Blaze)

"Shit, damnit, stay still.." Rye ignores my words, scrambling up onto his feet, glancing around as if he thinks he can stare down all of the zombies surrounding us. Time slows as one of them turns, catching it's eye on us. It turns it's whole body, it's head twitching and it's jaw clamping shut and falling open.

suddenly, it lets out a horrible screech, pouncing towards Rye. I barely have time to pull my spear out to slice through its torso before it gets to him. "Shit! get down!" The sounds, echoing through the room, attract the attention of the rest of them, and suddenly, hundreds of barely human eyes stare us down.

Shit. I need to find a way out. Maybe if there was somewhere to hide.. Just as I have the thought, I spot a small room off to the side, with a weak looking wooden door. "There!" I grab Rye's hand, dragging him towards the space, and closing the door. There are a hundred loud bangs as they slam against the door, which surprisingly holds.

I grab a broom, locking the door shut. Turning around, I see him, huddled in the corner, crying. 

"Shit.. hey, it's okay, we're gonna be okay." I walk towards him, reaching out my hand, but he swipes it away. 

"Fuck off! I know you want me dead! You don't have to protect me! Just fucking throw me out for them so you can get away.." The last words break as his sobs overtake him, and he curls up, shaking. 

"Rye, what the fuck are you talking about? Of course I don't want you dead.. What the fuck has been going on with you?" I sit down next to him, and he looks up to glare at me. 

"I know about the gun.. Fern told me." The ice from his voice blends with the sharpness of his stare to stab me directly in the soul. " I know you don't want me in your space, so just get rid of me." 

No.. No, he can't think that.. He has to know how much I love him.. I couldn't live without him. "Rye, no please.. I wasn't going to use it, I would never-" 

"Then why do you have it? Of course you were going to use it! You should've, I'm infected, I'm dangerous, I'll become one of them and I'll hurt you!" 

Fuck. Fuck. I can't do it anymore.. "Rye.. no. Stop. I.. I care about you, I would never hurt you.. I love you." 

CHAPTER 35 (Rye)

The walkers slam and scratch and cry against the door. The lights flicker, causing an interrupted buzzing sound. Rats skitter, searching for food. But all I can focus on is him. His words, his face, the pain radiating from him. 

"I love you." He stares at me as he says this, hoping beyond hope that I feel the same. And I do. Fuck it. I lean forward, and the shock on his face is clear as I kiss him, but evidently happy as he kisses me back. 

He wraps his arms around me in a hug, glancing towards the door. "I love you too.." My voice is surprisingly weak, but it's enough for him, and he kisses me again. Suddenly, the banging on the door becomes louder. Fuck, no. We can't die now, I've waited so long for this..

He looks down at me, tears in his eyes. "Rye.. What're we gonna do?" The room is filled with a snapping sound as the broom starts to break, and the only thing I can think to do is hug him back and kiss him again. 

It snaps, and I expect the walkers to come racing in, but it's silent.

"Get up. We need to go." What. Fern stands in the doorway, staring at us, huddled up together. 

"Dude! What the fuck!" I can't tell if Blaze is pissed or happy, or maybe even both, but he jumps up, pulling fern into a hug.

"Oh, thank fuck.. thought I was gonna die.." But Fern has a look of guilt on her face. 

"Well, no, you weren't. I was following you guys.. I thought that Smokes and his boss might've been involved, now I know they were. We need to leave though, it's getting dark." 

"What? What the fuck, Fern? We could've died!" Blaze pulls back sharply, and I can't help but agree with his words.

"Nah, you were fine. C'mon, we need to go."

CHAPTER 36 (Blaze)

Rye sits on his bed, back turned, pretending to read. I know he's pretending because the book is upside down. He hasn't said a word to me since we left the sewers, pretending to be busy. 

I've tried to start conversation with him, but he only answers with Yes, No, or I don't know. Whatever, it's getting late, maybe eleven or twelve, and I'm tired after the long day. I climb into my bed, lying down, finally hearing a small peep from the bunk below me.

"Blaze?" I ignore him. If he doesn't want to talk, we won't talk. I feel the bed move as he climbs onto the ladder. "Blaze. Look at me." I finally turn, and he's staring at me, pain on his face. "What was that?" 

I know what he's talking about, it's pretty obvious, but I feign ignorance. "What?"

"You know what. You kissed me." What?

"Excuse me. You kissed me. Don't get it twisted." He scoffs, climbing onto the bed, lying down. 

"I'm tired. Do you want to talk about this or do you not?" I ask. I'm not dealing with this right now.

Instead of replying with words, he grabs me, pulling me next to him into a hug. I only now realize that he's been crying, as his wet face rests against my neck. But I need an answer.

"Rye. What do you want from me?" He inhales sharply, preparing his voice.

"I don't know. I want you. I don't know how, or why. I'm sorry.." Shit. I wrap my arms around him, pulling his head up next to mine.

"Do you want a kiss?"

"Yeah.." So I give him one, one that seems to last hours. I kiss him and I hold him and I brush his hair between my fingers until he falls asleep. 

"Hey, it's gonna be okay. everything's gonna be okay." I whisper into his ear, knowing it won't wake him up, but hoping he hears it anyway. 

When we wake, it's light out, maybe noon. Rye stays lying down, the only tell being that his eyes are wide open. I get up to get us breakfast, grabbing some ravioli, and return to see he hasn't moved an inch.

"Hey. You okay?" He doesn't move as he answers.

"Yeah. Fine." I hand him his food, and reluctantly, he eats. 

Once we're done, he turns to me. "What now?" What is he asking me..?

"What..?" He glares, sighing.

"We know that Smokes and this guy, The Boss, were apparently responsible for the attack, what do we do about it? Do we go back to Fern? Do we go tell Sorrel?" 

"I.. I don't know.." I feel so useless, but my mind feels like the ravioli we're eating, and all I can think about is the feel of his lips.. Shit, did he just catch me staring at them? He scoffs at me.

"Fine. We'll go talk to Fern about it tomorrow. You should get some more rest." He seems pissed, and as I lean forward to kiss him, he leans away. Fine. If he wants to be like that, we can be like that. He climbs off of my bed, staying on his this time.

CHAPTER 37 (Rye)

Blaze is still asleep when I wake up. He's snuggled up to his pillow, snoring, and I want nothing more than to join him, to lie down next to him. But I can't. I was so stupid, I broke my parents' expectations of me. I messed up, and I can't continue this. I'm not gay. They would hate it if I were.

But what if he's hurt.. He's been asleep for at least 20 hours, and I've never seen him so tired. His face is red, and his forehead is hot when I press my hand against it. "Blaze." It takes shaking him to wake him up, and he seems confused when he does. 

"What.. Rye? What're you doing here?" what.

"I live here, dumbass. Are you okay?" He closes his eyes, and I think he's fallen back asleep before he replies.

"I dunno.. I feel sick. Where's my Nana..?" does he really not remember..? I might cry if I have to tell him all that's happened right now, so I don't.

"She's.. out. I'm here to watch you until your better. Go back to sleep." As if he was waiting for the okay, he passes out immediately. 

Fuck. I was planning to go talk to Fern, but can I leave him here like this? He's shaking, and while it's a little chilly in here, I imagine his illness makes it feel much worse.

I pull the blanket off of my bed and put it on him, making sure to cover him completely, as well as fixing his own, which is piled up in the corner of his bed. 

He sighs, cuddling up into the blankets, and it takes all of my self control not to kiss him. He's so adorable, and I just want to hold him, run my fingers through his hair, kiss his neck..

We need breakfast, and it looks like I'm the one making it. In the kitchen, I remember the jerky from the other day. Some of that should do. Bringing it out and hopping up on his bed, I wake up blaze again, and this time he seems more awake. 

He takes the jerkied meat, but barely eats. 

"Hey. You need to eat, you're sick."

"I'm not hungry.." He looks down at the jerky with what could be disgust on his face. 

I take the jerky, shoving it into his mouth. "Too bad." Almost hoping that he giggles like last time I did this, but he just takes the jerky, slowly chewing. 

Once we finish our food, he lies back down. Just as I'm about to go back to the kitchen to feed Puff the scraps, he stops me. 

CHAPTER 38 (Blaze)

The world swims, the walls of our apartment blurry, and the furniture seeming to move. But Rye is still. I reach out to him, grabbing his sleeve, hoping it grounds me, and it almost seems to. 

"Rye." 

"yeah..?" He seems hesitant to answer, as if he knows what I'm going to tell him. 

"You need to go to Fern's.. Tell her what happened, I'll be okay." But he shakes his head.

"No. You're too sick. I can go later."

What does he want from me? Does he care about me or not? 

"Shit, Rye, what the hell is your goal?" He looks confused.

"What are you talking about?"

"Do you love me or not?" He pauses.

"What kind of question is that? Of course I love you. I love you too much. I hate that I love you." 

What..? 

"What do you even mean..?" He scoffs, finger-combing his hair, looking like a madman.

"I'm not supposed to love you! I'm supposed to like girls! I'm not supposed to be gay.. my parents would hate me if I was.."

He's crying, tears already dripping down his chin.

"Rye.. No they wouldn't. They loved you. And you are gay, you can't change that."

He rubs his face, curling up, knees to chin, and turns away. 

"Why the fuck do you like me? I'm so stupid.. it's stupid.." 

What? Why wouldn't I like him?

"Because, Rye. Because you care, because you love things and you never give up on them. Because you loved me, even for those first months when I couldn't do anything, when I was useless, you stayed, and you did everything, and you did it for me.. Why wouldn't I love you?"

He sniffs, and slowly, takes one of his hands down to reach towards mine. I take it as he says, "You were never useless.. And of course I stayed, how could I leave you like that? You would've died. Dumbass." 

He chuckles at the last part, smiling and wiping his face off before leaning over, bedding it into my chest.

"Fuck, I love you.." His voice is soft, cracking from the strain in his throat.

"I love you too.." 

CHAPTER 39 (Rye)

It's still dark out when I begin packing. We never leave at night because of the zombies. They get faster, smarter, and more hungry in the dark. that's why the sewers are so dangerous in the unlit zones. 

Blaze snores. He's still sick, but he'll be okay while I'm away. 

Once I reach Fern's house, she's already waiting outside. 

"Took you long enough to get here. Come in." 

She leads me to her basement, a small, completely dark room. The entire room is concrete, and it's small, barely 5 feet square. 

She flicks on a light, in the middle of the room from the ceiling, hanging over a chair.

More importantly, in that chair is Smokes. 

"MGhhgGHhhMGHFt.." His cries are muffled by the gag in his mouth, and he struggles against the rope, tight around himself and the chair. 

"Fern! What the hell! What's he doing like this?" She scoffs, rolling her eyes.

"Calm down, he tried to kill you, didn't he? We need to know who's behind this, and he's gonna tell us." A rusty metal tray glimmers next to him, utensils and tools of all sorts laid out like in a horror movie. 

"What?! Fern, we can't do this! it's wrong!" I can't believe she'd even suggest this!

"It's either this, or the Tree Dwellers getting attacked again. I know it's not the best, but it's far from the worst. And, he has the option to tell us right now, and spare himself the pain." She takes the gag out of his mouth and in return, he spits.

"I'll never tell you! I can't! Boss'll do me worse than you ever could.."

"Welp, we gave him the chance.." Fern picks up one of the instruments, a scalpel, and hands it to me. 

She.. wants me to do it? "Fuck no. Why don't you do it?"

She sighs. "God, I would, but I have leads in the sewers. I need to leave." before I can argue, she turns, walking back up the stairs. 

"Fuck. Smokes, please, we don't have to do this.." But he only glares at me, and scoffs.

"aw, c'mon, I knew you were too weak, almost as weak as that little bitch of yours, fucking mutt he is, oh but I saw you two, crying, huddled together while the zombies came for you. So dramatic-" As he finishes the last word, I stab the knife into his hand

"Shut. Up. You're going to tell me everything you know about the attack."

"Augh, Fuck! Fuck, kid! I can't, you know I can't.. Please.."

I twist the knife, feeling the sickening crunches that climb up the blade. 

"Tell. Me." 

"No.." He glares at me through the pain, sneering. Fuck. I'll need to try something else..

I take the knife out, that in itself causing him to flinch, and take it towards his face. I place the tip on his chin, dragging through skin to the bone underneath, up through his cheeks and under his eye. The blood drips onto my hand, down my wrist and to my elbow. He squirms, groaning and screaming. 

"God, stop it! Please! Please.." Fuck.. Just tell me! 

I inch the knife up to his eye, the blade less than a centimeter away. glimmering comes from both sides, light reflecting off of one, onto the other.

"Tell me, please." 

"No." Can I really do it?

The pop is loud. It's quiet, but in my mind, it's all that I can hear. His screaming, cursing and begging, doesn't register. 

"Fuck! God, why? Why does this matter to you so much? Fuck.." I pull the knife back, and he lowers his head, sobbing. My hand is slick and warm, covered in what I wish was only blood. I don't want to look, I can't look, but something compels me, and I do anyways. 

His eye. His eye. It's hard to see, but I can tell the fluid flowing from it isn't just blood, nor tears.

I drop the knife. I can't do this anymore..

"Are you gonna tell me or not..?" He shakes his head

"I'll never tell you. You monster.."