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E - Everyone

Universe[ity]

by kenziefavaloro


Endless possibilities to the deepest depths,

Endless ideas from people's minds in breadth,

Variety of shapes, sizes, and color,

Variety of opinions- what'd you say that for?

Rotations of teamwork and gravitational force,

Rotations of trends filled with remorse,

Explosions capable of beauty and new life,

Explosions over media- did he really hit his wife?

Variety of stars and planets each on their own,

Variety of cultures, each government being overthrown.

Races are non serious, just followed by light,

Races are judgmental, are you black or are you white?


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132 Reviews


Points: 2485
Reviews: 132

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Mon Sep 14, 2015 4:40 pm
racket wrote a review...



Hello kenzie! racket here to review your poem. Well, this is an interesting read. This does fit its name, that's for sure.
I only have a couple suggestions for you, so good job! This is well written and interestingly formatted, so, yeah, I like it!
I've got a question to start off with, which would be that you categorized this as sci-fi? I don't really see the sci-fi in this poem, except for that vague mention of planets and governments and teams... but all those things are part of normal life and need to be added to if you want to define this poem as part sci-fi. So, I think I would change that description. It's a bit misleading.
My first suggestion would be in this spot right here:

Variety of opinions, what'd you say that for ?,

and also this spot
Explosions over media, did he really hit his wife?,

I think changing those commas, the ones after 'opinions' and 'media', to hyphens would really benefit your poem. It would be more like a thought than part of the original line. I think that makes sense... anyways, it'd be
Variety of opinions- what'd you say?,

and
Explosions over media- did he really hit his wife?,

My second suggestion would be to take off the commas that you put after all your question marks. You've already got punctuation there, so you don actually need those commas. They're unnecessary and kind of strange looking. ;)
Last suggestion: maybe stanzas? You don actually need them in this poem, it's fine without them, but stanzas can never hurt, and you've got a fine pattern going that could be helpful making stanzas. But, it's your choice. Stanzas or no, this poem is great!
Good job! I really enjoyed reading and reviewing this, so I can't wait to read more of your work in the future! Keep writing!
~racket




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Mon Sep 14, 2015 3:28 pm
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gladysorodriyo wrote a review...



I just joined this site today and I wouldn't mind commenting on this poem. I really don't get the last and second last lines, is it supposed to be that contradictory? If races are non-serious then why be so judgmental? And what's that light the writer is talking about?




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245 Reviews


Points: 192
Reviews: 245

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Mon Sep 14, 2015 3:28 pm
ChocolateCello wrote a review...



Hey! Chocolatecello here!

Typing on a mobile device so I'm keeping this short and sweet.

I really like the message and you did a fantastic job putting everything in words.

My phone is refusing to copy and paste so excuse me if I misquote

You say
'Explosions capable of beauty and new life
Explosions over media, did he really hit his wife?'
The flow seems the slightest bit off here. Maybe say 'explosions THAT are capable...'


'Variety of shapes, sizes, and color,

Variety of opinions, what'd you say that for?,'
Okay, so it depends what type of english you're speaking, with accents and all, but the eay i read it, color and for dont really rhyme. It feels forced and i have to change my pronunciation of color to make it work. Maybe change the last part of the first line to 'shapes, sizes, and more' Just a suggestion.

Other than that, i loved this, espically with the formatting, it really made things stand out.

Keep writing!
-chocolatecello





“Isn't it nice to think that tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes in it yet?”
— L.M. Montgomery, Anne of Green Gables