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138,685 Literary Works • 672,241 Reviews
wow <3 so good to see you back <3
<3 <3
Hello Hello I hope you dont mind me popping in with a quick review. I don't think we've formally met so I guess an introduction is in order. It's nice to meet I'm Moonlily and I cant wait to read your poetry. With that out further ado, let's get into it, shall we?
This is quite a ride of a poem. I must say I enjoyed reading this the twist was WILD. You did a great job creating a gripping narrative that conveys what it is like to say things you don't mean. Luckily that doesn't usually have a body count cant say the same for this couple. The imagery is so well done in this piece that it paints a very vivid image of the raw anger present. Plus the flower language is a nice touch.
The buried under two ends of a pole feels like some clever foreshadowing two the twist.
Now I think it's time we get into the feedback it's pretty light this time. I will say that I'm not a professional and you can take it or leave it. This is your poem and you know what's best for it.
There's only one small thing I want to point out. Do keep in mind I could be wrong here but I think the s at the end of Shrapnel is needed. However, I could be fully wrong.
Regardless I enjoyed this piece deeply. Welcome back to yws by the way I hope to see you around. Keep writing and remember to stay hydrated!
Hi, it%u2019s lovely to meet you! I%u2019m kattee or kat for short
Thanks so much for the feedback <3 It%u2019ll help me loads. Also, I%u2019m glad you like it <3 <3
Hey, it's Serrurie, here to leave a review! Let's dive in:
The Good Stuff
- Wait. They died? This is SUCH an amazing poem! The twist, the story, the figurative language! This is so good (and I go further in depth below):
- In terms of figurative language, the earthquakes, Richter scale, and continents (and wars) are such amazing analogies that it feels like an actual story going on inside of these characters' hearts. How did you do that? That's so creative!
- Secondly, I want to point out the twist. Do we ever get to know what happened? How did they die!? A romance poem ending with a twist like that is so unique and creative that I wish I had come up with it!
- My personal favorite line:
I think this style is so unique because it feels like an action-packed story. I seriously think that with how amazing you did at this, you could totally write an actual book.
Room For Improvement
- I only noticed one thing that could be fixed. When you start off one of the stanzas with 'oblivion' you capitalized it when every other stanza is started off lowercase. But that's all I noticed.
- This is a beautiful and innovative poem that expands the romance genre and I'm here for it. Keep up the wonderful work, and have a blessed day!
Serrurie
Hey,
Thanks so muchh for the review. This helps a lot! It was acc the earthquake imagery that got me finishing this poem because I really wanted to play with a lot of imagery, so it%u2019s nice to know someone else liked it the same way I did <3 Also, i like your interpretation of the poem <3