Cruise

Hello Katteex, I'm Morrigan, and I'm here to review your poem.

The best thing about your poem is how focused you are on your motif. The focus on the image of ships and the sea is like a good soup. It's satisfying! I'm glad you stuck out the imagery til the end.

That being said, this one has sat in the drawer for about a year, as you say, so it's ripe for some revisions.

I feel like you might have raided the thesaurus without paying attention to connotation or part of speech. There are quite a few odd choices for words here. This is mainly what I will be focusing on, as it was extremely distracting while I was trying to read the poem.

As it whips from a tattered ship we created from our skins.

All right, so I'm totally not opposed to this image, except it's very early on in the poem, and as I read this line, I was thinking that you were going to make the ship a metaphor. Perhaps it is, in the grand scheme of things, or it is in your authorly intent. However, I do not think it is wise to tell the audience that the ship is made from the narrator and the other's skins so early in the poem. First of all, it seems like an odd choice of words. Perhaps you could say "tattered sails" instead of the ship itself. This would make more sense, though the image is grisly and takes away from the romantic vibe of the poem otherwise. I would consider using an entirely different image to convey that these two people have built this relationship with their own hands.

And that the glazing of the tide, anchors our bones and our wits.

I have a few bones to pick with this line. I do not think the "and that" at the beginning of the line is benefiting the feel of the line at all. In fact, it makes it clumsy. Cut those two words. Next, something strikes me as off with the phrase "glazing of the tide." I think that "glaze of the tide" would sound better. I do like the unusual choice of the word glaze to describe the wetness on the hull of the ship, and I appreciate that you chose to give the reader that image. Just a small change would make it sound that much better. Lastly, take out that pesky comma after "tide." You don't need it there.

On the forecastle

This might seem nitpicky, but the forecastle of the ship is within the bowels of it. While you technically might be "on" the forecastle, I believe you should say "above" or even "atop" if you wish. Saying you're walking "on" something implies that you are directly touching it, and if you are above a section of a ship, you are not technically touching it.

With my side arm raised just sloped a bit to the left,

Is the narrator threatening the other person? A sidearm is a gun, and if you mean for this person to be holding a gun, this is the only sign in this whole poem that they are holding one. It also does not seem to give off any other indications that the other person is in danger. This line is also a bit jumbly and unwieldy. Perhaps try to say it more gracefully, like this: "my raised sidearm slopes to the left." You don't really need any of those other words. The word "just" is really a waste of space, used only by people giving excuses. There are other words to use if you mean "barely," not "just."

I breathe in. I sighed.

This line made me ask a big question. Is this poem supposed to be in present or past tense? You use both tenses in this line. It should be all one tense to create a cohesive narrative. Either "I breathed in. I sighed," or "I breathe in. I sigh." Make sure you go through the rest of the poem and take care of all the conflicting tenses. I found a few for you to fix, but I will let the poet fix the small things.

The picturesque in front of me cannot distract

"picturesque" is an adjective, but you use it here as a noun. Unless you forgot to add the noun that the adjective is describing after that? If you do not wish to add another word, change "picturesque" to "picture." Also, do you mean that you cannot be distracted from the picture in front of you, or if it were to exist alongside something else, you would not be distracted by it? The way you put words together implies the second option. Rethink your wording if you mean the former.
The comma at the end of the line interrupts the flow of the words, as well. It is not needed.

You may be in the bow, at awe with the scene

I feel like your word choice is very strange here. A more accurate and less distracting way to say what you have here is, "You may be AT the bow, IN awe OF the scene."

I'll maneuver mine's for the sake of pursuing those little glistening eyes,

This line is very wordy, and unnecessarily so. First of all, "mine's" should be "mine." Now that I've got that out of my system, "those little glistening eyes" should be streamlined. I'm not sure if you're talking about the other character's eyes, or the stars. That's fine, but try to use fewer words. It sticks out like a sore thumb here.

For cruising in a place yonder from you is,

Yonder might technically be correct for this line, but it feels so wrong. "Over yonder" also means "over (far)there," so your sentence is saying, "for cruising in a place there from you." That sounds awfully awkward! Find another word that will benefit this poem more. I am a big fan of the word yonder, but here it's awkward.

A crude yet gratifying in so many ways--
A loved sensation.

The wording here is awkward. Try saying it like this instead:
"Though crude, satisfying in many ways—
a loved sensation."

And digests the blue's phenomenon.

"digests" should be "digest."

One more piece of advice I will add is that you should decide on a style of punctuation. Decide whether you would like to punctuate sentences as if they were prose, or decide on putting commas at the end of every line. I am a fan of the first option. It aids readers in comprehending what's going on, and it works better with free verse poetry like this.

Overall, I felt like this poem was confusing because of the grammar and word choices. I understand what the narrator is feeling for the most part, but much of the imagery was marred for me because of the word choice. I hope that this review points out some things to work on that you might not have found before. Please let me know if you have any questions. Have a nice day, and keep writing.