However far you think you can walk, run, or jump do you really believe you can get away? Away from all the tears and pain you have caused. Everything you have done, you're saying you didnt enjoy any of it?
Lies.
You liked all of it, don't lie. You loved the thrill of telling him he meant nothing to you, and you enjoyed when he flinched at your words as though in physical pain. Didn't you like the way he would like at you as you reeled him in and then stomped on his dreams. Oh and not just once either, wasn't it twice? Awe yes, you just couldn't stay away from the opportunity to hurt someone like you had been feeling for years.
Just admit it, you're a lying, crazy girl who will NEVER be loved by anyone because you are just to messed up in the head.
So go on, do it, noone will miss you.
* It's better not to listen to that little voice in your head sometimes because that voice can be so wrong, so don't forget to live long; life has so much more to show you.*
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125,015 Literary Works • 672,847 Reviews
Hi there!
I'm never been one to point out the mistakes so I'll just focus on the insight of your writing! Relationships drawbacks include a lot of self blaming and that is what this passage is about but something there was amiss like, I didn't get what are you trying to say exactly I got the point that girl is facing inner turmoil and she is crumpled because of that but it isn't describing the person herself its only about how she is angry with her self and her outrageous behaviour but not the character herself. I am not able to get the emotions of the girl because there is no description of it at all. I would've liked it if you had given the idea about her situation and a little bit of description here and there! Needs a little improvement, keep writing. Thank you.
You're not going to like this review very much, but there are some essential problems you need to fix here. First of all, it wouldn't hurt to put your story through a spell check and eradicate the spelling mistakes in here and basic grammar mistakes that it should pick up. I'm not sure what the little asterisk at the end are for, but I suppose it's a stylistic voice so I'll leave it up to you.
This seems like the snippet of a larger story than a story itself, perhaps you should expand it. The thing is, right now I'm not getting much emotion out of this. I can't relate to the protagonist at all because I have no idea who she is, all I get is this massive onslaught of ranting about herself followed by a self-statement.
What exactly are you trying to express here? The narration is so loose I can't find a single thread, are you trying to tell us that this girl enjoys hurting other's feelings? But the ending contradicts that, I think your middle paragraph on which she destroys the relationship could also be written better. Right now, your descriptions aren't bad but they aren't bringing out the emotions either this article here should give you a pretty good idea. Also, do try and incorporate a bit of background into this, like why is she here? Where are we right now?
The starting looks promising, but this is some abrupt and out-of-place I'm not sure what to make of it. I hope I've helped in some ways, if you've got any questions, feel free to ask me.
-Flite
Wow. Angry is the vibe I get from this.
Ok, errors: 'noone' is what you wrote but I think you meant no one; oppertunity is spelled opportunity; you put your but meant you're;lastly you put like but meant looked.
I get the feeling as though you, or the narrator,suffered in observing a girl brutally hurt a much admired male friend. This girl did her best to inflict emotional pain verbally and perhaps physically with no concern to his feelings. The friend of this guy dislikes the girl and probably disliked her all along, and now she is able to vent on her. She is angry.
I've the feeling the girl doing the hateful actions suffered from a bad past, a past that caused her to feel great anger and grief. Because of this she took advantage of her boyfriends affections and released her anger one him.
Very complex,or perhaps I am misunderstanding what you've written. Good job all in all.
Thanks for the review! I'll look for all the errors you showed me and try to fix them.
I like your view on my work, the way I wrote it though was a girl with a bad past who thought she didn't deserve anything good in her life hence why she broke the guys heart. But the point of view the story is being told from is the girls inner concious and it's basically telling the girl that she's worthless and is bad person; which makes the girl question her life. I really appreciate you sharing the way you interpreted the work. Hope to hear from you again! Thanks!
Wow. Angry is the vibe I get from this.
Ok, errors: 'noone' is what you wrote but I think you meant no one; oppertunity is spelled opportunity; you put your but meant you're;lastly you put like but meant looked.
I get the feeling as though you, or the narrator,suffered in observing a girl brutally hurt a much admired male friend. This girl did her best to inflict emotional pain verbally and perhaps physically with no concern to his feelings. The friend of this guy dislikes the girl and probably disliked her all along, and now she is able to vent on her. She is angry.
I've the feeling the girl doing the hateful actions suffered from a bad past, a past that caused her to feel great anger and grief. Because of this she took advantage of her boyfriends affections and released her anger one him.
Very complex,or perhaps I am misunderstanding what you've written. Good job all in all.