Tell me Darkness, my old friend…
What’s it like to
have so many fear you? What’s it feel like to be conscious that
people shrink from your touch and children wet their beds in your
presence and people run screaming because they saw something in your
depths even though there is nothing there.
No, you’re depths
are so deep that no amount of secrets could fill them. No amount of
rituals and murders and suicides and secrets and attacks could even
begin to fill the void that is you, my darling.
You’re
banished so easily dear, but not for long and never fully. Oh no, you
sulk in corners when lights are flicked on. You try and devour weak
flames that break your void. You hover like multiple specters if blue
LEDs are flashed, but bathe the world in blood in the presence of red
bulbs. Yellow turns your shadows into mysteries.
Endless,
changing but eternally the same at your very core.
Tell me
Darkness, what’s it like to be immortal, weak but also
strong?
How much do you love being everywhere despite the best
efforts to banish you? Does it make you feel something? Or does the
void destroy all sense of feeling?
Tell me Darkness, my teenage
nemesis, were the monsters of my mind feeding off your secrets or was I just that fucked up? Am I still that fucked up?
Were the stretching bodies and
broken necks and blackness the ideas of your secrets or were they all
original?
Were the voices that whispered from my mind or your
many?
oh Darkness, my childhood plaything. I thought I could
banish you with nightlights and hallway silhouettes while still
painting friends on your blank and black canvas, but I was so
wrong.
Oh Darkness, how many deaths have you watched? How many
rapes have you helped with, how many sex scenes have you witnessed?
How many births have you enveloped and how many losses have you
covered up? How many sacrifices were made in your name, how many
wars have you bred?
Darkness, my darling, how many broken hearts
have you enveloped, how many fights have you dared on?
Oh
Darkness…
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139,639 Literary Works • 672,637 Reviews
So I realized from the very first lines I was going to like this story.
The premise was enough to get it out of the 'meh' lists for me, so that's a good thing. But as I've learnt over the years, a good concept doesn't necessarily constitute an excellent story.
I did find some words that I think were supposed to be other words, such as: "You hover like multiple specters if blue LEDs are flashed, but bath the world in blood in the presence of red bulbs." I think you meant bathe.
And then there were sentences that didn't quite go down well with me: "Tell me Darkness, my teenage nemesis, were the monsters of my mind feeding off your secrets of was/am I still that fucked up?" Your secrets of...what? Maybe you meant an 'or' instead of an 'of'. And that / could've been replaced with two sentences to get a bigger response. Was I fucked up? Or am I still?
Though overall, I did like this in its own weird way. I liked how there's a fine edge with it having Darkness be a friend or a foe, I liked how it calls out Darkness for the horrible things it's witnessed and even took part in, and yet longs after it in little 'oh's, like a love letter to an enemy. Most of my criticism did hinder my admiration, though, so I suppose it could use work. But really? I still liked this. Nice job.
Hello person! Holographic Ladybug here for a short review!
Intense. Emotional. Bit scary. Deep. Dark. Etc. Words here are describe your piece. (Ok, that made no sense.) You have described this perfectly with a bit of backstory, along with the qualities of a letter. I was captivated by you first sentence and I wouldn't stop reading until the end, even if the house was burning down. Your story is a true as it is wonderful and dark. I'd love to hear more from you.
~Holographic Ladybug
Hi. I am new here and maybe it is not appropriate of me to review but I just liked your work and so am telling u
You have done a wonderful job. Its like this that all the poets prefer beautiful things to write about, generally, like the moonlight, a winter scenery, or even everyday things like a child's smile etc etc.. But your work is unique. You wrote about a sinister thing - darkness. You beautifully described it and also made it an interesting read.
But one thing struck me odd that u categorized it as a short story. I feel that it is more like a poem.. but that's only my opinion. You must have your reasons for considering it as a short story.
But anyway, great work! Keep it up!
Haha, thanks!! I really enjoy the fact you like the different topic. I tend to do things like this pretty often. I thought of putting it in poetry but it doesn't...I don't know. It isn't prosed like poetry, but it does sound like it....I don't know! We'll see, if I get more comments saying it is poetry I shall switch it! haha
Thanks!
It was a pleasure