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“I told you. I told you from the very beginning that this would never work.” Her eyes were fixed on the scratched linoleum floor. She couldn’t bear to look into his eyes. She knew that they would only be filled with disappointment and pain.
“Things were going perfectly until you had to open your big fat mouth.” He cleared his throat. She could hear ruffling of papers and then the thundering sound when he slammed his fist hard on the gray marble counter. She jumped back as he continued his rant. “You just had to tell him the truth. You’ve ruined all of my work. All of my planning!” He let out a low sigh. “Go away, Rowan.”
Rowan didn’t move away from her partner in crime, but stepped closer looking at him for the first time. It was no surprise to see that he was frowning. Most of the time they spent together he was always frowning. He was young and handsome. Although, his modesty overthrew how beautiful his features were and turned him into a sad and lonely introvert.
“Yes, I have ruined your plans, Emmet.” Rowan said, moving her body towards him provocatively. “Mine, however, are still in motion.”
Rowan touched his chin lightly and Emmet swatted at her hand. “What have you done?” he asked.
Rowan only smiled as she left the kitchen, leaving behind a perplexed Emmet.
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139,495 Literary Works • 672,584 Reviews
Wonderful. Just amazing. It flowed very well and it doesn't hide too much nor give away too much. It was a perfect beginning to a great story. Tell me when there's more! I just fixed some little grammatical errors in bold:
“I told you. I told you from the very beginning that this would never work.” Her eyes were fixed on the scratched linoleum floor. She couldn’t bear to look into his eyes. She knew that they would only be filled with disappointment and pain.
“Things were going perfectly until you had to open your big fat mouth.” He cleared his throat. She could hear the ruffling of papers and then the thundering sound when he (you were talking about hearing things before so you need to keep going with that thought or start a new sentence. You can, of course, play with my example. It was just there as a filler.) slammed his fist hard on the grey marble counter. She jumped back as he continued his rant. “You just had to tell him the truth. You’ve ruined all of my work. All of my planning!” He let out a low sigh. “Go away, Rowan.”
Rowan didn’t move away from her partner in crime, but stepped closer looking at him for the first time. It was no surprise to see that he was frowning. Most of the time they spent together he was always frowning. He was young and handsome. However, his modesty overthrew how beautiful his features were and turned him into a sad and lonely introvert.
“Yes, I have ruined your plans, Emmet.” Rowan said, moving her body towards him provocatively. “Mine, however (change this word. You already used it.), are still in motion.”
Rowan touched his chin lightly and Emmet swatted at her hand. “What have you done?” he asked.
Rowan only smiled as she left the kitchen, leaving behind a perplexed Emmet.
As I said before, This is a great piece of work! I can't wait until the rest comes out.
Keep writing and I hope to see you around,
Xx Forever Threnody
P.S. PM me if you have any comments, questions or other needs.
Wow! That was really good. I am curious to know what Rowan and Emmet did. I will have to read more when it comes.
I found one spelling error. “grey” should be gray.
I like how you added introvert in there. You have worded your story nicely and it really makes a difference.
I will be looking forward to more of the story.