Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
If I had a heart, it should have stopped beating along time ago. It didn't. I got to my feet and kept walking like nothing had happened.Thunder clapped in the sky and drops of ice cold rain fell onto my head.The wet gravel became hard pavement underneath me. I pelted off to the side of the road and behind a tree as a man on a hover board soared past me. I was tempted to kill him. Tempted to catch up with the man and rip him to pieces. His flesh being ripped apart and the smell of blood in the air. I thought about it for a moment then shook my head, I had other work to do. I stayed towards the side of the road and jogged on. Soon enough, I spotted my target. He was limping weakly on his left foot and gripping the bloody knife he had used to give me another belly button. He thought he killed me. The only way to kill me is by fire. But only Professor Blaire and I know that. I sprinted in front of the man and grinned my crooked grin. His look of satisfaction faded and he weakly raised his knife. I made a "come and get me" gesture with both hands. The man started to stagger towards me then his step faltered. His weapon clattered to the ground and he took off down the road, screaming for help.
Well this is some start here for a first chapter. Not too often that we see murderous urges being depicted quite so vividly in the very first paragraph of a story, but considering this particular title here, I'm not exactly surprised. There's certainly a lot going on in this one with regards to killing and while you take a bit of time to establish a general setting, it is fairly vague for the moment so we don't quite know under what circumstances, these murderous urges are materializing every so powerfully. At any rate, it does very quickly get your attention as a reader.
"What a baby." I muttered to myself and unsheathed my knife. My feet pounded on the pavement as I chased after the man. I spotted the outline of his limping figure moments later. I stood in front of him, so close that if I had a heart, he could have heard it beat.
Hmm, the emphasis now on the heart seems to suggest that this lack of a heart is literal rather than what I initially assumed which is in a more metaphorical sense. Well, that certainly makes things very interesting here as we see this one hunt down a person actively wanting to kill them.
"Hello how's your evening? Ready to die?" I hissed in his ear. I watched him shiver in terror. Yes, I usually had that effect on people. I smirked at him and shoved my knife into his stomach. The man cried out in excruciating pain. I took two steps back and he fell forward to his knees. I pulled my knife back out of him and bent down to wipe it on the grass. His cries faded and he fell completely forward. I took one last look at my latest victim. He lay on the pavement in a puddle of his own blood. I sheathed my knife and walked off into the night.
Well that little act tells us quite a lot about what sort of person this is. I get the distinct feeling here that this one enjoys the power that comes with fear and enjoys killing others for whatever reason it is that they do so. There's also a distinct sense that they enjoy pain as the choice of their stab point seems to indicate, because that is one of the places here you can kill a person rather slowly. Well, this is a fairly powerful opening part here. I think you do a pretty good job of getting readers hooked here.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Points: 254788
Reviews: 4107
Donate