z

Young Writers Society


16+ Language Mature Content

Favorite - Chapter Two

by itsCate


Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language and mature content.

Chapter Two:

Keira

This was my last period of the day. History. It was the longest class of the day, we didn’t even do anything half the time. I looked around the room scanning all the faces. They all looked so bored. Mr. Sweeney went on about some war and how we were going to be taking quiz on it. I remembered the one time I didn’t study and Mr. Sweeney called me out after class. My exact words were, “I forgot.” I laugh everytime I think about it. My eyes fall on Ruby, she was chewing her pencil. Her red hair fall down her shoulders. I wish my hair was like that, I sighed and tapped my fingers against the desktop. At least ten minutes later the bell rang. Quickly I stood up and started to grab my books, Ruby was headed straight towards me. Her look was scary, it was the I-want-all-the-details look. It scared me, when she stopped in front of me I opened my mouth to talk but she held up her finger.

“You’re going on a date with Dallas?” She said, her green eyes looked into mine harshly. I blushed, “I mean it’s not a date, date. Right?” Ruby laughed and shook her head, “You looked so scared. Yes girl it’s a date!”

“No it can’t be Dallas doesn’t like me.” I say grabbing another book. When I look at Ruby again she is beaming. My heart starts to speed up thinking about Dallas.

“C’mon Keira, he likes you, and you like him.”

“How do you know?”

Ruby grins, “Because look at you.”

I roll my eyes and walk out of the classroom. Ruby stops me and grabs my books, “You go. I will put these in your locker.” I smile at her “Ok bye!”

I take off running. I run through the smelly halls of our school thinking that I’ll only be here two more weeks then I will be gone. Collage in New York city. I was so excited, I make it out into the parking lot and Dallas is sitting on top of my car. He was looking down at his phone his high fade haircut fell down over into his eyes. His tongue pushed against his lip ring, oh that lip. I blush thinking about what I just thought. “Dallas get off my car before you dent it.” He quickly looked up at me.

“Sorry I didn’t know I was so heavy.” He laughed, I shrugged. “Don’t say sorry to me, to the car.” I pointed and his mouth dropped. “I am sorry Keira’s car, I didn’t mean to ruin your silky black paint.”

I giggled, “why don’t you kiss it too.” He leans down and I stop him, “Get in the car.”

“Let’s go.”











**********







When we got to his house Ruby was already there. How could she have possibly beat us? I reach out and grab the door handle, it snaps and I quickly pull my hand away. “Ow, ow ow!” Pulling my hand to my chest I look at Dallas who threw his head back laughing.

“I said sorry already.” He put his hands up surrendering, I glare at him.

“I didn’t even do anything. I saw Ruby’s car and was distracted I guess.” I say going to grab the handle again. This time I open the car door, I step out slam the door shut. I looked down at my hand and sigh. When I start to walk I run into a brick build of a body.

I looked up and Dallas stood above me, like a giant. My heart started to beat faster than my mind could keep up. He smiled down at me, such a sweet smile. His lip ring moved again, was he as nervous as I was?

“You’re scrunching your nose.” He said lifting his hand to my face. I felt weak my knees wanted to buckle, I had Kaceon to think about and Dallas. I liked Dallas but I didn’t want to ruin our friendship. My mind was racing so many thoughts came into my head. I wanted this, I really did. But I didn’t, I really didn’t.

“Are you nervous?” He asked quietly, I nodded looking down. But his gentle hands lifted my chin and he leaned in kissing my lips softly. “Don’t worry. I am more nervous than you are.” He smiled against my lips and I kissed him back. My body flooded with heat, I started to breath heavily and I pulled away. Mostly out of being afraid, I was stupid.

“Sorry,” I say sniffing. “Let's go watch that movie?”

“No I am sorry, I shouldn’t have done that.” I smiled up at him kissing his cheek, “Stop it.” I grabbed his hand, “Let’s go see a movie.”

“Yeah.”


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35 Reviews


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Fri Apr 12, 2019 3:48 pm
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GigiNicole17 wrote a review...



itsCate,

This is a kinda short review, I didn't find anything bad...not that I was looking for it ..lol This was great! I like the humor you added along with the romance. The main character sounds a bit like me..lol(maybe more than just a bit..) confused, she knows what she wants but then she doesn't. Great job relaying those feelings through her.

I look forward to reading the next chapter, and more of your works. Keep writing

~Gigi <3




itsCate says...


Gigi,
Awe girl you are so sweet! I love how my character is like you, if you have ideas of how you would react to something like that tell me! I would love to hear about it. Thanks love.

Love from, Cate



GigiNicole17 says...


Cate,

No problem,girl! I'll pm you with more ideas!
<3 Gigi



itsCate says...


Awesome thanks!



GigiNicole17 says...


No problem! <3



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Fri Apr 12, 2019 10:09 am
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4revgreen wrote a review...



Hey, Che here for a review! :-)

It was the longest class of the day, we didn’t even do anything half the time.

the comma should be replaced with a semi-colon

. I looked around the room scanning all the faces. They all looked so bored. Mr. Sweeney went on about some war and how we were going to be taking quiz on it. I remembered the one time I didn’t study and Mr. Sweeney called me out after class.

These are all short, declarative sentences. It makes it a little tedious to read, and the whole first paragraph is like this. Short sentences are usually used for impact, so using them so often takes away any impact. I don't really have any suggestions of how it should be reworked but I think it needs a little work :-)

Quickly I stood up and started to grab my books, Ruby was headed straight towards me.

I would lose the comma and put "and" as the sentence doesn't make sense. It should be a semi-colon but they are more for impact and this isn't a sentence that isn't really impactful

“You’re going on a date with Dallas?” She said, her green eyes looked into mine harshly. I blushed, “I mean it’s not a date, date. Right?” Ruby laughed and shook her head, “You looked so scared. Yes girl it’s a date!”

All new speech by a new person should be on a separate line


This is really important; your story kept changing tense from present to past. This is a big problem and really takes away from the story. It confused me as I was reading it and you really need to edit this and stick with one tense.

Regardless, I'm really getting into the story now. The characters are coming across pretty strong and have a real sense of personality. Forgive me for not being able to say anything else but this isn't my usual kind of genre :-)

Keep writing!

Regards, Che :-)




itsCate says...


Che,
Thank you! I love to know your honest opinion, it really helps. Thank you for helping me along!
Love from, Cate



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Thu Apr 11, 2019 3:42 pm
itsCate says...



Gahh! I am sorry I had to quickly write this. I'll go through and edit it soon, please leave a comment below!
I am sorry that it's so short. #myroughdraft





You wanna be a writer? You don't know how or when? Find a quiet place, use a humble pen.
— Paul Simon