The song of this story is one I'm in LOVE with. It's called I'd come for you by Nickleback, all credit for the song goes to Nickleback! Also I know the title isn't very...fitting. And if you have any ideas as to what it could be called, I'd love to hear it!
Let me know what you guys think! Enjoy! - Irish
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The bonfire glowed with a merry light. Dancing across all of our faces and highlighting our smiles. The darkness surrounding us made it seem like there was no outside world, just the 5 of us in our own little world around the bonfire in Ashley Nodraer’s backyard. A black glistening guitar was passed around, all of us taking a crack at trying to play it. Only my boyfriend Ray and my good friend Beth who actually play guitar could play it without Ashley’s cat, Kitty, being heard trying to sing along actually making the song sound better.
“Who’s next?” Ashley asked looking up from her song. I began to slide down in my seat, slowly. Kenny noticed and pointed to me, grinning smugly.
“Helen hasn’t gone yet!” Your on my list Kenny, I thought grimly.
“C’mon Helen,” Beth said, taking the guitar from Ashley and passing it to me, “we were in the same music class in 6th grade! We learned how to play guitar remember?”
“Yeah Beth,” I said, “I remember, but that doesn’t mean I can still play.”
I laid the guitar on my lap and ran my hand up and down the neck. It glistened in the firelight, making it seem like the instrument was alive.
“Try it Hel,” Ray said grinning, making my heart thud.
I sighed and looked at everyone in the circle. “Fine, I know one song.”
I placed my hands on the first strings and felt the anticipation of everyone in the circle build as they waited for me to start. I took a deep breath, hoping that I would not only be able to remember all the words to the song, but the notes also. I glanced quickly at Ray, and thought silently, this song is for you, Ray. I strummed the first few notes, watching my fingers play over the neck carefully.
I opened my mouth and began to sing:
Just one more moment, that’s all that’s needed,
Like wounded soldiers, in need of healing
Time to be honest, this time I’m pleading
Please don’t dwell on it, cause I didn’t mean it.
I can’t believe I said I’d lay our love on the ground
But doesn’t matter cause I made it up forgive me now
Every day I spend away, my souls inside out
Gotta be someway that I can make it up to you now
Oh somehow
By now you’d know that
I’d come for you, no one but you, yes I’d come for you
But only if you told me to
And I’d fight for you
I’d lie, it’s true
Give my life for you
You know I’ll always come for you.
As I sang, I forced my eyes to stay focused on my fingers playing across the neck instead of looking at Ray. Ray with his sparkling hazel eyes and his soft stare. This song reminded me so much of what I was willing to do for him, what I was willing to risk.
For one moment, I lost my will and looked up at him. I felt my heart skip a beat when I saw him watching me, smiling warmly. His dark brown hair shining in the fire-light made him look so amazing that my fingers stumbled on the strings. I quickly looked back down to the guitar, fixed my fingers and continued to sing:
I was blindfolded, but now I’m seeing
My mind was closing, now I’m believin’
I finally know just what it means to let someone in
To see the side of me that no one does or ever will
So if you’re ever lost and find yourself all alone
I’d search forever just to bring you home
Here and now, this I vow
By now you know that
I’d come for you
No one but you
Yes I’d come for you
But only if you told me to
I’d fight for you
I’d lie its true
Give my life for you
You know I’ll always come for you
You know I’ll always come for you
No matter what gets in my way
As long as there’s still life in me
No matter what remember, you know I’ll always come for you
Yes I’d come for you
No one but you
Yes I’d come for you
But only if you told me to….
And I’d fight for you
I’d lie its true
Give my life, for you
You know I’ll always come for you
No matter what gets in my way
As long as there’s still life in me
No matter what remember, you know I’ll always come for you
I’d crawl across this world for you
Do anything you want me to
No matter what remember you know I’ll always come for you.
You know I’d always come for you[/i]I played the last few notes, and let my hands fall away from the instrument. I held my head down and recalled the meaning of the words, and how true they were toward my feelings. It was silent all around me, and I eventually had to look up to see whether or not they had dropped dead while I was playing.
“Wow,” Ashley said after a moment, “Helen that was really good.” I heard murmurs of agreement around me, and I grinned.
“Thanks guys. Too bad that’s the only thing I can play.” They laughed, shaking their heads.
“Ok,” Beth said reaching to take the guitar from me, “its time for a real guitarist to play.”
“Oh well in that case,” I said moving it out of her reach, “here you go Ray.” Everyone laughed again and began to chide me to give it to Beth. I handed it to her, eventually, and listened quietly as she began to play her favorite song.
It was when Beth was halfway through the song that I chose to steal a glance at Ray. He saw me looking at of the corner of his eye and turned to me. I felt myself blush. He grinned and pointed to me, then pretended to strum an imaginary guitar, then gave me 2 thumbs up. Your song was really good.
I smiled, pretended to strum an imaginary guitar myself, and then pointed to him. It was for you. He smiled, a slight blush coloring his face, and turned back to the song. As the song ended, I felt the air of the night change. It was still happy and festive, but now it was something different. Something warmer. And it was perfect. I smiled and listened as the sound of the fire, my heart, and the guitar strummed a perfect melody into the night sky in Ashley Nodraer’s backyard.
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Hey there! Old story, but has less than two reviews, so here I am!
I really like this story! Everything about it seems natural, especially your dialogue. I think you did a good job with characterizing in a short amount of words. Your characters and dialogue felt real. I have some grammar things to point out, but other than that, there isn't anything for me to comment on!
The second sentence isn't a sentence by itself. You can fix this by combining the two sentences with a comma. I like this opening though!
I think you should spell 5 out.
This is a bit confusing to read. I had to read it a second time to understand it. Here is how I'd rewrite it: "Only my boyfriend, Ray, and my good friend who could actually play guitar, Beth, could play it without Kitty, Ashley's cat, singing along."
"Your" should be "You're"
You already used the word "glisten" to describe the guitar, so perhaps you could find a different word to change it up.
Previously you italicize the narrator's thoughts, so I would do that here too.
This also isn't really a sentence by itself.
"its" should be "it is"
I think you meant "out of the corner" instead of "at the corner"
Did you mean to put this in quotes/italicize it?
Overall, I think you did a really good job with this story. Everything flowed smoothly and felt natural. It was a cute story, and I hope this helped!