The first thing I saw when I saw the title was 'asian'... Heh heh... I'm creepy. I know, this post is pointless, but I just wanted to say that.
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A story I thought of randomly and took maybe...about a week to write. I know its long and if its too long I would really appreciate it if you let me know! Feel free to sit back, relax, shred it apart and enjoy!!
-Irish
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“She’s obviously much more powerful than the others,” I heard the men stationed in the other room say. “She’s been said to have killed an entire regiment of soldiers by herself!” I grinned smugly remembering that mission, it had definitely gone well.
I shifted my weight silently, leaning against the wall just outside of the room the men where in. From the sound of it there were 3 of them at least, and I laughed inwardly. It was too easy.
On the other side of the door stood my Blade Brother, Arkian. His glowing eyes indicating his presence; his form invisible against the shadows of the flickering torches on the wall as mine was. He stood tense and ready for anything, his hood upon his head making a line across his red eyes.
I pulled my own hood on and whispered the all too common words, “Saraman Allumia,” and after a few moments felt a pulsing heat behind my eyes. Indicating my eyes were alight and that I was ready. I looked to Arkian and blinked twice, I’ll call for you if I need help. He winked, showing he understood.
I turned back to the conversation going on between the men in the room.
“If we’re going to get anywhere with this advance, my Lord,” One of them said, “we must defeat the Lady Arian.” I grinned and stepped into the room.
“You flatter yourselves,” I said, “thinking you actually can defeat me.” Scanning my eyes around the room I found it was small and a large oak table stood in the middle of it taking up most of the space. Candles flickered on the window frames and table, highlighting the papers strewn everywhere. I grinned seeing my estimate was correct, three men. Two of them stood before me blocking me from the third, who stood behind the desk. He was probably my best bet for the information I needed and he was glaring at me.
“No doubt you are the famous Lady Arian of the Black Scarlet Siege?” He growled. I smiled at this; invisible under the shadow of my hood.
“Indeed I am!” I exclaimed. “Now don’t you feel lucky?” The two men blocking me drew their swords; I brought my hand up and rested it gently on the hilt of my sword in its scabbard, silently planning.
“What do you want?” The man behind the desk said sternly.
I pretended to ponder this.
“What all of us want I suppose. To find true love, raise a family. But, at this very moment, I would like to know more about this “advance” I heard one of your thugs mention before I joined your little party! And you can either give it to me while you can still breathe or else you’ll find rather quickly that you’ve lost that ability. Your choice!” I added cheerfully.
I felt the familiar feeling of panic and tension rise in the room. I could almost smell it, and the two blockade men moving closer to me proved my suspicions making me smirk even more.
“You ought to look for love instead, my lady.” The man said. “You’ll find it a lot sooner than you’ll get any form of information out of our mouths. And even love will be a grand challenge for a she-beast such as you.” I gasped and clutched my heart, pretending to be hurt.
“You wound me sir!” I said. “It’s a shame you say that, for I have found my true love and,” I gripped my sword’s hilt and ripped it out of the scabbard, revealing my shining red blade, “it would be him!”
The blockade men rushed for me, the first raised his blade to bring it down on my head. I brought mine up to block his, the metal clashing. And before he could move, I ripped my dagger out of my belt and slashed his stomach; he dropped dead within two seconds.
I whipped around to the second man, who had hardly any time to move. He glanced from me to the fallen man and lunged for me, roaring with rage. He slashed upward; I lunged forward bringing my blade down hard to keep him from slicing my neck. He lost the grip on this sword and it crashed to the floor. He looked from the sword to me, his eyes big with fear. I raised my hand to his face and spoke in a slow, whispering voice
“Harth arakon.” Suddenly the man’s breathing slowed and face began to turn blue. Once he was completely frozen, I kicked him square in the chest and he shattered.
I turned toward the last man, the man behind the desk. He stood motion-less, his face a mask of pure shock and horror, another very common thing for someone like me.
Before he could make a run for it, I bolted forward. Flipping over the desk, I gripped the neck of his tunic and threw him to the ground, my sword pressed to his neck within the draw of a breath.
“You’ll see that my “love” and I are very compatible together,” I said coolly. The man gasped for breath, a nervous sweat breaking out on his forehead.
“Now about that information I asked for. Give it to me and you just may live long enough to see sweet daylight again!” He stared at me, contemplating my request. His charcoal eyes staring steadily back at my white glowing eyes.
“No,” he said his voice strong, “Kill me! I’ll never betray the Healed Legion to help the monsters of the Black Scarlet like you!” Damn it, another loyal officer.
I narrowed my eyes, he wasn’t going to change his mind and even if he did it was too late. I nodded slightly and ripped my sword across his throat, turned away and walked out the door. My mission was done.
“Wow that was even faster than the last time! Impressive Arian!” Arkian said coming out of the shadows upon seeing me.
“Yes,” I sighed, beginning to walk down the long hall away from the room. Arkian fell into step beside me and continued to babble.
“Just when they thought she couldn’t get any better! Lo and behold she does!” I rolled my eyes and turned to face a window near the end of the hall. I looked around for people and upon seeing no one, smashed the window the hilt of my sword. I re-sheathed my sword into the scabbard and stepped onto the window frame. Leaning out into the night, I looked below us for guards.
“I mean it Ari,” Arkian continued, “They’re beginning to think you’re the most powerful out of all of us.” I laughed at this.
“Right, like I’m more powerful than Grand Master Saranae.” Seeing no guards then, I shoved two fingers in my mouth and whistled; a loud shrill sound in the silent night.
“They actually think you are Ari! And you give more reason to every day.” Arkian persisted. I rolled my eyes at him again.
“Can you just drop it for now please? We need to focus on getting back to the base!” Arkian bit his lip.
“Bu-“
“I said ‘Drop it’ damn it!” I snapped, my temper flaring.
Arkian’s eyes grew big and his mouth, to my relief, shut. I sighed and leaned out the window again, this time hearing a sound like thunder in the distance.
I turned to Arkian and nodded. “Let’s go!”
Gripping the edge of the window frame, I waited for the sound to get closer. Once it sounded close enough I leapt out of the window, quickly landing on a large riding fox so dark a black it was almost invisible in the night, highlights of gleaming silver shining in the moonlight.
I heard Arkian land on the fox behind me and I leaned down to whisper in the fox’s ear “Lets go Sasa,” she shot forward, and together we raced for the home base of the Black Scarlet Siege.
***
As we rode back to home base I thought about what Arkian said. I couldn’t be the most powerful; I was still very young for a Knight Rider, there were so many more of us that had so much more experience and skill. It seemed like yesterday I saw the flash of light that brought me to the Black Scarlet Siege, whereas Knight Riders such as Grand Master Saranae don’t remember the moment of their Awakening for them it being so long ago.
That was something I never understood, forgetting your Awakening. The bright flash of light and then Lady Kara’s kind face staring at you intently, grinning with a great sense of pride at what’d she’d done; feeling air flow through you for the first time, your senses strengthening with every passing moment, and your muscles growing stronger. It had been such an exhilarating feeling, one I could never possibly forget.
Such was General Norwa telling all of the new Knight Riders, my being among them, telling us why we were here and what our purpose was.
“You were chosen specifically to be risen from your graves for your strengths and abilities you had in your life before this one. You will be trained to make those abilities stronger and to acquire new ones to help you with the missions you will be sent on. Now you will not be alone on these missions, mind you, you’ll be with your Sword Sister or Brother.”
He paced in front of us, hands clasped lightly behind his back; I had watched him intently, having been fascinated by his air of authority and purpose. I had hoped then, that one day maybe I could have that air about me. As I thought about that, Norwa had continued,
“You will be assigned with your Blade Sibling in a moment, but first you must realize that you are now under the power of the Black King and the Scarlet Queen. You have been brought from the Earth to help raise the true rulers of this land to the throne and if you do otherwise you shall be punished immediately with no second thought. And if we all stand together, and things go as planned, the Black Scarlet will prevail! Long live the Black King! Long live the Scarlet Queen!”
Even as Sasa thundered over the rolling hills that surrounded the home base and the wind rushing my in ears I could still hear our cheers, and see the General grinning smugly. That was my first memory, quickly followed by memories over the mouths of Arkian begin assigned my Blade Brother and becoming close with him, training and becoming more powerful as the days went by, getting to know my fellow Knight Riders, and my first few missions. That and the white silk nightgown I had been wearing when they revived me, a nightgown that hid in the bottom of my trunk at the castle that stood in the middle of the home base. They were all special to me and I couldn’t see how people could forget things like that.
Sasa suddenly bolting down a hill broke my thoughts. The long dirt hill led down to where our home base was carefully hidden by an invisibility spell that I and about 20 other Knight Riders had worked on for many sleep-less nights before we had figured out all the bugs and were able to cover the entire crater.
I rode into the courtyard, Sasa’s claws kicking the dirt in front of us. Chickens scattered in front of us as we made our way to the castle to tell the King the incredibly scarce information we had gotten. As we neared the stables I remembered my eyes and muttered the eye spell, feeling the pulsing heat behind my eyes disappear I watched one of my closer friends, Loria, ran up to me; her face expectant.
“Ari,” she said her glowing red eyes even brighter, “how’d it go? Did you get the information?”
I smiled and slipped off Sasa. “First of all Lori, your lights are on.” Loria laughed and muttered the spell, the red in her eyes disappearing into a bright ocean blue color; highlighting her incredibly pale face and long flaxen blond hair.
“Sorry,” she laughed, “I always forget! Why we need to look more menacing with glowing eyes, along with deep hoods, long flowing black cloaks and these beasts of weapons I’ll never know!”
I handed Sasa’s reigns to a stumbling stable hand, “Second of all, the only information I got is there is some sort of advance, but after I confronted them I had to kill them. Black Lord all those Healed Legion flunkies are so damn loyal!” Loria laughed.
Arkian rode up behind me and leapt off with incredible ease. Loria instantly blushed and looked away, as he walked over to us.
“Afternoon Loria, how are the missions coming?”
Loria reluctantly looked at him and shrugged, still blushing. “Alright, getting a lot more recruits that’s for sure. Considering those in the Healed Legion keep choosing death over giving information, even when we send them our best Rider.” She said gesturing to me. I groaned.
“Please don’t start with that! I just got Mr. Big Mouth here to shut his big mouth!” Arkian laughed.
“Don’t worry Ari, the King summoned us. We don’t have time to pester you into believing the truth!” I shook my head and grin at Loria,
“Duty calls, I’ll talk to you later Lori.” I winked at her and began to make my way to the dark, looming castle.
***
We walked into the King’s chamber silently, looking down at the crystal floor which led to a high dais where a black throne and a blood red throne sat next to each other, the red one a remembrance to the fact that our queen was not here to help us with this war, but far in the mountains learning more spells to teach to the higher level Knight Riders. Behind the two thrones stood a large window overlooking the square, and standing in front of the window, his back to me and Arkian was the Black King,
Arkian and I got down on our knees, our heads bowed respectfully. After a moment the king’s booming voice rang through the room.
“My two best Riders have returned once more. Now, Lady Arian, rise and tell me what I want to know.” I took a deep breath and stood, my head held high.
“We managed to find a high ranking officer, with only two other people within the vicinity, both were terminated.” The king turned his head toward me slightly.
“Sounds good so far, did you get the information?” He asked.
I looked to Arkian, and then back to the King; biting my lip.
“We were not able to get any information from them with the threat of termination, again. But before I confronted them I did hear something of an advance, nothing else.”
The King turned to us smiling; he glanced at Arkian and then at me, and frowned.
“Lady Arian, you need not wear a hood here and hide such a beauteous face. We all are allies here, no need to hide anything.”
I grinned and pulled the hood back revealing my sun-tanned face, gold-hazel eyes, and cascade of curling red hair down my back. The king looked me over and smiled.
“Who knew that one of the most powerful death bringers could look so breath-taking?” Arkian held in a laugh.
I opened my mouth and looked at the king questioningly.
“The most powerful, my lord, surely you’re mistaken! Grand Mast Saranae is the most powerful and much more experienced than I!” I said my voice slightly unsteady.
The king smiled, “He may have the experience but he does not have the power. In the few years you’ve been in my service Lady Arian we have gathered more information than ever, even when the Healed Legion started getting more loyal!”
I forced a smile and bowed to the king. “Thank you for this incredible honor your majesty!”
He nodded, “And to add to it, I have a special gift for you, my Lady. We recently sent about 15 or 20 riders to attack and search a small village near here for Healed Legion officers. We had a couple prisoners who were not part of the Legion but had information and quickly squealed. But there’s one, who hasn’t broken down yet and needs to be interrogated just a little more before she is terminated for being useless so far. We saved her just for you and she’s waiting in the prison for you now!”
I laughed and bowed to him again. “I will go right away my Lord. Thank you!”
He nodded and waved a hand, dismissing us. Arkian rose beside me and we walked out silently. We stayed that way until we started making our way back across the cobblestone, toward the prison.
“So what are you going to do to that prisoner?” Arkian asked suddenly.
I shrugged, “What I normally do, threaten their life with a condescending attitude and if they still don’t cooperate, we have a new recruit!”
He laughed, “Well, I’ll have to leave you here to do so then. I promised Liam I’d get a drink with him when we got home from the mission.”
I nodded remembering Loria’s Blade Brother, Arkian’s best friend. I grinned,
“Well have fun, it’s been a long time since you guys hung out just the two of you!”
Arkian rolled his eyes, “Oh Black Lord I know! Every time Liam and I set up something to do just the two of us Loria shows up!”
I laughed inwardly. Loria has been falling for Arkian ever since she became my friend and met him. It seems like every time they talked she fell more in love with him and became more desperate for his in return.
“Well good luck, I hope you get the time you guys deserve!” I said slapping him on the shoulder. He grinned and nodded, turning to head back across the courtyard toward the pub.
“Good luck to you as well oh most powerful one, with your prisoner!”
***
I opened the door to the prison, pulling on my hood again but keeping my eyes as they were. In my opinion we were much more intimidating without our eyes being lit. Our faces completely shrouded in the utter darkness of our hoods seemed more affective in not only scaring the victim but protecting our identity. With our eyes lit you’re able to make our facial features and therefore we’re in jeopardy of being discovered and hunted down. But it was required by the king and we did it to keep our heads on our shoulders.
I walked into the guard room a fellow Rider jumped up at the sight of me and bowed.
“My powerful Lady Arian, what brings you to the Black Scarlet prison?”
I smiled and patted his head.
“Drop the act, Calloway. Just because everyone has the wrong idea doesn’t mean you should suddenly treat me any differently.”
He stood up grinning; his brown eyes laughing.
“It’s not the wrong idea, Arian. You’re incredibly powerful you’re just too modest to see it. Take my advice Arian,” he smiled, “become a little self-ish and accept it.”
I snorted a laugh.
“Yeah, me, selfish; funny. Now where’s this prisoner the king’s been holding for me?”
Calloway walked over to a large wooden board strung with hooks and hanging on the hooks were keys. He took one of the keys and tossed it to me.
“Here,” he said tossing me the key, “she’s in the 7th cell down the hall; around the corner. Good luck with her Arian. She’s one tough biscuit, and one more thing!”
“What?”
He grinned and pointed to his eyes. “Don’t forget the eyes.”
I nodded and walked to the door; whispering “Saraman Allumia” as I stepped through.
***
I followed Calloway’s directions and in less than a minute found myself standing in front of a small, thin wooden door with a padlock on the handle. Slipping the key inside, I took a deep breath and put on my best game face. Not that she would see it anyway.
I opened the door with a creak and stepping into an incredibly small room; the only light a large torch hanging on the wall, and the only furniture a wooden chair sitting in the middle of the room with an occupant.
“So you’re the one they keep talking about?” she said, not moving, “The one they’ve kept me alive for?”
I strolled across the room and stood in front of her, her head hung down and I wasn’t able to make out her face.
“I am and by the sound of your voice, you’re not nearly as excited as the others to see me!”
She looked up at me then. In the torch light I saw a sun-tanned face just like mine, her lips the same shade as mine, the shade of cherries and her eyes almost white blue, and her hair the same color as mine also. My heart gave a lurch at the similarity but quickly dismissed it. She looked at me with her eye brows narrowed and her eyes critical.
“Your voice… it sounds familiar…”
She leaned forward and squinted into my hood. Shocked, I jumped back and gripped my sword hilt automatically, no prisoner had ever tried to do so. When she didn’t move again, I dropped my hand and went back to were I was.
“What’s your name?” She asked, peering into my hood again.
I felt the urge once more to jump back but stood my ground. I threw off my hood, muttered the eye illumination spell, and raising my chin I looked her in the eye.
“My name is Lady Arian High Knight Rider of the Black Scarlet Siege.”
Her eyes grew wide and filled with tears.
“Arian? Arian, is that really you?”
She stood up and stepped toward me her arms out but hesitated when I recoiled from her touch.
“Arian, don’t you recognize me? It’s me Marrow, your best friend, your partner, your sister!”
I felt my heart begin to pound.
“No, you’re not! My best friend is Loria!” I shouted, “Your not my partner either nor are you my Blade Sister! I have a Blade Brother and he is my partner!”
Marrow stepped toward me once more, her tears now falling from her eyes.
“Oh, my dear sister, what have they done to you?”
I leapt away from her, breathing heavily, my panic growing though I couldn’t really explain why.
“Stop calling me that! I don’t know you!”
She turned to me and shook her head.
“You really don’t know who I am?” her voice unsteady.
I shook my head, “No, I’ve never seen you up until now. How do you know me?”
She focused on something beyond my shoulder and spoke with a dreamy voice.
“We were born in the village of Ashsara 20 years ago. You were one hour older than me and our parents Tara and Karko were thrilled with our birth, such was the entire village. Our leader finally had heirs!”
My mouth fell open, when was all of this? I had no recollection of a sister or father or mother or being an heir of any sort.
Suddenly it struck me. This is my past life she’s talking about!
Marrow continued, “We had such a magical life, the two of us. Learning was such a blessing to the two of us, we loved our lessons and even more we loved running through the fields of Ashara. You were always faster than I was, always the more athletic, always better at sword-training or riding, I secretly envied you for that.”
She looked at me now, her eyes apologetic.
“I remember the day you got sick. We were running through the fields after our reading lesson, we were 17. You ran faster than usual, and I struggled to keep up, my envy for your speed worse than it’s ever been then. Even now 3 years later I can still see the sun shining down on your hair, making it look like a flame colored dragon flying behind you!”
More tears fell from Marrow’s eyes, and my own vision was blurred from sudden unexplained tears. You don’t care for this woman, I thought, she’s a prisoner to you now.
“You started running up a hill, even faster than before,” Marrow continued, “I tried to get you to slow down. “Arian slow down! You’ll hurt yourself!” I called after you, but you just kept going. Suddenly, when you were close to the top, you collapsed. I was so afraid that you had in fact hurt yourself. I would’ve welcomed you being hurt in comparison to what was really going on when I finally caught up to you.”
Marrow covered her face with her hands and sat in the chair, sobs beginning to wrack her body. I walked over slowly and stood in front of her, debating whether or not to comfort her in some way. Eventually I settled on doing nothing, refusing to accept that I cared about her.
“When I caught up to you,” Marrow sobbed into her hands, “you were coughing and gasping for air. You looked at me, your eyes begging, pleading for something. I knelt down and tried to help you somehow. “Arian,” I cried, “what’s wrong? Please Arian say something!” You just coughed harder and began to struggle. Suddenly, you began to throw up blood; you looked at me then, eyes wide and face pale. You mouthed to me “Get help” and I swear I never ran faster in my life.”
“I screamed for Mama and Papa. They ran out of our house, ‘Marrow! What is it?’ Papa said. I grabbed his hand and started pulling him toward the field. ‘Arian needs help! We were running and she was going too fast and she collapsed, then she started coughing and puking blood! She can’t speak and she needs help!’”
The tears in my eyes began to fall down my cheeks. I knew I had died, that’s how you became a Knight Rider, but I hadn’t known it was such a horrible death.
“We all ran for you Arian, never stopping. But even through we didn’t we were still too late.” She said standing up, “You lay there pale and motionless, blood trailing from your mouth into a pool near your head… We stayed out there for hours, denying it was true. But of course at one point we had no choice to believe it. So we buried you the next day.”
She looked at me like she expected me to do something. I opened my mouth and found words deserted me. Moments passed, when Marrow spoke.
“How are you alive?”
“They recruit us by reviving us from the dead and making us forget the life we had before we died.” I answered quietly.
“So that’s why you didn’t recognize me?” She said narrowing her eyebrows.
I nodded saying nothing. Despite my best efforts, I felt horrible for what I did to her and…our family, causing them such grief and fear like that.
I sat down in the chair and groaned; all I had wanted was to get the information the king wanted to get out. I didn’t once think that this above all things would happen.
“Why have you done all those awful things?” asked Marrow
“Because that was my mission, you disobey your mission, you disobey the king and therefore the king kills you.”
“What if you missed one of your missions? Would he still kill you even though you’re the most powerful?”
I looked at her sharply. “Don’t call me that!” I shouted.
Marrow frowned, “Why don’t you want to be the most powerful?” I sighed.
“I don’t know I just feel like I shouldn’t be that if I am something good can’t come of it.”
She put her hand on my shoulder; I winced at her touch. “You’re afraid to have more power than others; you always were as we were growing up. You said that you didn’t want to become corrupted by it and hurt those you love, that’s why you made me the heir to our village long ago.”
I nodded. “That’s it.”
“Am I one of your missions?” Marrow asked after a moment.
“…Yes.” I said, looking away.
She bit her lip and sighed. “You have to kill me don’t you?”
I nodded again and she shrugged.
“Might as well do it then, I have nothing left to live for. Mama and Papa were killed when the other Knight Riders attacked the village, which is now destroyed.”
I stood up in my chair, silently, and drew my sword; the glow of the blade flickering on the walls.
My eyes filled once more with tears. “Are you sure?” I asked her.
She closed her eyes, “Before you do Arian, I want you to know that even though you’re doing this, you’re still my sister and I love you, and I’m so incredibly happy that you’re alive, even under these circumstances.”
The tears fell now. In just a matter of minutes Marrow had found her dead sister in me and brought her back. Despite my best efforts I had began to love her and doing this was going to break my heart.
“I’m sorry I have to do this Marrow, and thank you for telling me everything. I’m sure the old Arian loved you very much, because this Arian sort’ve does already.” I said gripping my sword tightly.
Marrow smiled grimly, and I chose that moment.
I let out a cry and slashed her neck, watching her fall as if the entire world was set in slow motion, and as she died I felt a part of me deep inside me die again as well.
***
I walked out of the cell, thrusting my hood onto my head so no one would see my tears. I opened the door to the front room of the prison, and tossed Calloway the key without looking at him and without stopping.
“Ari,” Calloway called after me, “how’d it go?” I walked past him and got to the door.
“Arian,” he called again, “how’d it go?” I opened the door and slammed it, leaving him to wonder.
It had grown dark while I was with Marrow and with the darkness brought the rain and I welcomed being in both. I put my head down and walked briskly across the courtyard, amazed how dark and upsetting the world around me had become with just the telling of a story and a swipe of the sword.
The Black Scarlet Siege was not what we all thought it was. It destroyed lives of innocent people trying to protect themselves. Entering my chamber I realized that I could no longer stay with the Siege and that it had to be stopped.
The first thing I saw when I saw the title was 'asian'... Heh heh... I'm creepy. I know, this post is pointless, but I just wanted to say that.
You are such a fan-freaking-tastic writer! I love this! Dark, thrilling, basically everything I wish I could write myself. You are so good, I love this story. Arian was awesome, totally badass. What I liked most about her was the level of intensity and, if I may presume, sick pleasure in what she is best at- as well as her intensity in everything else that she does.
p.s. Redheads unite! Power to the gingers.
Hello again, Irish! Ha... This is my final review! (And my 100th! ) Sit back and enjoy!
...and stepped toward me her arms out but hesitated...
You're not my partner either, nor are you my Blade Sister!
“You really don’t know who I am?” her voice unsteady.
“We were born in the village of Ashsara 20 years ago.
This is my past life she’s talking about!
“I remember the day you got sick. We were running through the fields after our reading lesson, we were 17.
Even now 3 years later I can still see the sun
“We all ran for you Arian,
too late.” She said standing up,
I opened my mouth and found words deserted me.
Moments passed, when Marrow spoke.
“They recruit us by reviving us from the dead and making us forget the life we had before we died.” I answered quietly.
“So that’s why you didn’t recognize me?” She said narrowing her eyebrows.
I nodded saying nothing.
“I don’t know I just feel like I shouldn’t be that if I am something good can’t come of it.”
“…Yes.” I said, looking away.
“You have to kill me don’t you?”
I nodded again and she shrugged.
“Might as well do it then, I have nothing left to live for. Mama and Papa were killed when the other Knight Riders attacked the village, which is now destroyed.”
this Arian sort’ve does already
I was with Marrow and with the darkness brought the rain
I put my head down and walked briskly across the courtyard, amazed how dark and upsetting the world around me had become with just the telling of a story and a swipe of the sword.
The Black Scarlet Siege was not what we all thought it was. It destroyed lives of innocent people trying to protect themselves. Entering my chamber[comma] I realized that I could no longer stay with the Siege and that it had to be stopped.
Hello again, Irish! How was your christmas? Oh, and a happy new years eve! Shame there aren't any new years smilies...
Oh well, I'll have to make do with this happy chap.
Well, on to the review!
I walked into the guard room a fellow Rider jumped up at the sight of me and bowed.
You’re incredibly powerful you’re just too modest to see it
Take my advice Arian
Calloway walked over to a large wooden board strung with hooks and hanging on the hooks were keys.
Calloway walked over to a large wooden board strung with hooks and hanging on the hooks were keys. He took one of the keys and tossed it to me.
“Here,” he said tossing me the key, “she’s in the 7th cell down the hall; around the corner.
“Here,” he said tossing me the key,
she’s in the 7th cell down the hall
Good luck with her Arian.
She’s one tough biscuit, and one more thing!”
directions and in less than a minute found myself standing in front
I opened the door with a creak and stepping into an incredibly small room; the only light a large torch hanging on the wall, and the only furniture a wooden chair sitting in the middle of the room with an occupant.
“So you’re the one they keep talking about?” she said, not moving, “The one they’ve kept me alive for?”
in front of her, her head hung down
“I am and by the sound of your voice, you’re not nearly as excited as the others to see me!”
at the similarity but quickly dismissed it.
She looked at me with her eye brows narrowed and her eyes critical.
She looked at me with her eye brows narrowed and her eyes critical.
“Your voice… it sounds familiar…”
She leaned forward and squinted into my hood. Shocked, I jumped back and gripped my sword hilt automatically, no prisoner had ever tried to do so. When she didn’t move again, I dropped my hand and went back to were I was.
“What’s your name?” She asked, peering into my hood again.
I felt the urge once more to jump back but stood my ground.
“My name is Lady Arian High Knight Rider of the Black Scarlet Siege.”
Irishhh! It's been a while, a long while, but here are my thoughts on the next section.
Nitpicks!
We walked into the King’s chamber silently, looking down at the crystal floor which led to a high dais where a black throne and a blood red throne sat next to each other, the red one a remembrance to the fact that our queen was not here to help us with this war, but far in the mountains learning more spells to teach to the higher level Knight Riders.
and standing in front of the window, his back to me and Arkian was the Black King,
information?” He asked.
and cascade of curling red hair down my back.
I said my voice slightly unsteady.
have the experience but he does not have the power
Healed Legion started getting more loyal!”
Thank you for this incredible honor your majesty!”
about 15 or 20 riders
but had information and quickly squealed
But there’s one, who hasn’t broken down yet and needs to be interrogated just a little more before she is terminated for being useless so far.
I will go right away my Lord.
He nodded and waved a hand, dismissing us.
Well, I’ll have to leave you here to do so then.
Oh Black Lord I know!
Try: Every time Liam and I set up something to do,Every time Liam and I set up something to do just the two of us Loria shows up!”
I laughed inwardly. Loria has been falling for Arkian ever since she became my friend and met him. It seems like every time they talked she fell more in love with him and became more desperate for his in return.
guys deserve!” I said slapping him
“Good luck to you as well oh most powerful one, with your prisoner!”
Hey Irish.
I loved the story. It has got a great and very unique plot line. The setting was well described which is something most people can be a little skimpy on. Your characters were well defined and had obvious personalities.
There is one thing that could use clarifying though. You said they were dead right. And now they're alive? How exactly does that work? Are they zombies?
Anyways with a little work you could probably turn this into a full length story. I really look forward to reading what happens next.
-Point
Hey Girlie! Awesome job, oh my god your such a good writer. LOL I love how sick this girl is how she just goes around killing peeps, shes totally like influencing the toughness of woman kind. Oh and is there like a way I can subscribe to your stories, XD, they are really really really really good and I MUST read each and everyone! BYEEE
Hello again! Here's the next part of my review!
I leaned down to whisper in the fox’s ear “Lets go Sasa,” she shot forward
rode back to home base I thought
don’t remember the moment of their Awakening for them it being so long ago.
on these missions, mind you, you’ll be with your Sword Sister or Brother.”
behind his back; I had watched
I had hoped then, that one day maybe
And if we all stand together, and things go as planned,
Even as Sasa thundered over the rolling hills that surrounded the home base and the wind rushing my in ears I could still hear our cheers,
memories over the mouths of Arkian begin
a nightgown that hid in the bottom of my trunk at the castle that stood in the middle of the home base.
Sasa suddenly bolting down a hill broke my thoughts.
that I and about 20 other Knight Riders
Chickens scattered in front of us as
Alright, getting
when we send them our best Rider.” She said gesturing to me.
“Please don’t start with that! I just got Mr. Big Mouth here to shut his big mouth!” Arkian laughed.
Don’t worry Ari,
I shook my head and grin at Loria
Irish! Promised I'd get around to it, didn't I?
Yeah, it looks a little long, but hopefully it'll be so good that actually it's too short.
So... Nitpicks!
“She’s obviously much more powerful than the others,”
“She’s been said to have killed an entire regiment of soldiers by herself!” I grinned smugly remembering that mission, it had definitely gone well.
From the sound of it there were 3 of them at least
On the other side of the door stood my Blade Brother, Arkian. His glowing eyes indicating his presence;
his hood upon his head making a line across his red eyes.
and after a few moments felt a pulsing heat behind my eyes.
Indicating my eyes were alight and that I was ready.
my Lord,” One of them said,
Scanning my eyes around the room I found it was small and a large oak table stood in the middle of it taking up most of the space.
I grinned seeing my estimate was correct, three men.
“No doubt you are the famous Lady Arian of the Black Scarlet Siege?” He growled.
The two men blocking me drew their swords; I brought my hand up and...
“What do you want?” The man behind the desk said sternly.
What all of us want I suppose.
...closer to me proved my suspicions making me smirk even more.
“You ought to look for love instead, my lady.” The man said.
I gasped and clutched my heart, pretending to be hurt.
“It’s a shame you say that, for I have found my true love and,” I gripped my sword’s hilt and ripped it out of the scabbard, revealing my shining red blade, “it would be him!”
The blockade men rushed for me, the first raised his blade to bring it down on my head. I brought mine up to block his, the metal clashing. And before he could move, I ripped my dagger out of my belt and slashed his stomach; he dropped dead within two seconds.
I kicked him square in the chest and he shattered.
He stood motion-less
his face a mask of pure shock and horror, another very common thing for someone like me.
“You’ll see that my “love” and I are very compatible together,” I said coolly.
I nodded slightly and ripped my sword across his throat, turned away and walked out the door. My mission was done.
“Wow that was even faster than the last time! Impressive Arian!” Arkian said coming out of the shadows upon seeing me.
and upon seeing no one,
“I mean it Ari,”
“They actually think you are Ari! And you give more reason to every day.” Arkian persisted.
“I said ‘Drop it’ damn it!”
quickly landing on a large riding fox
“You ought to look for love instead, my lady.” The man said.
“You ought to look for love instead, my lady,” the man said.
I'm not really good at nit-picking, so I'll just tell you how much I loved this story. Your characters were good, however there could be a bit more development in creating better identities for them all. Is there gonna be any more of this? Because I would definitely read it! It's brilliant for a random idea and I believe there is some potential for this story. Good work
Irishfire! Nice work there, teamie! That was neat and long and I can see you've put beautiful personal touches to it! I sound like a techer, don't I? The length isn't a bad thing, in fact it shows just how much passionate you are! I'm not much of a critique and I hardly write bad things, so don't expect much from this review! Lolz!
Her eyes grew wide and filled with tears.
The long dirt hill led down to where our home base was carefully hidden by an invisibility spell that I and about 20 other Knight Riders had worked on for many sleep-less nights before we had figured out all the bugs and were able to cover the entire crater.
“Ari,” she said her glowing red eyes even brighter, “how’d it go? Did you get the information?”
I snorted a laugh
“I remember the day you got sick. We were running through the fields after our reading lesson, we were 17. You ran faster than usual, and I struggled to keep up, my envy for your speed worse than it’s ever been then. Even now 3 years later I can still see the sun shining down on your hair, making it look like a flame colored dragon flying behind you!”
“So that’s why you didn’t recognize me?” She said narrowing her eyebrows.
The Black Scarlet Siege was not what we all thought it was. It destroyed lives of innocent people trying to protect themselves. Entering my chamber I realized that I could no longer stay with the Siege and that it had to be stopped.
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Reviews: 22
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